The Poster Presidency: Obama Years

You asked for this:



Then you got this:



And now this:



Forget health reform, Afghanistan, Iraq, and Iran. Forget the recession. Dressing up the President in funny posters is more fun!

Topman Straw Trilby

Isn't this Trilby awesome?

This Paul Smith Jacket is cool too:

>>YUM>>>

Weekend - Sex = Monday + Horny

I went to the gym last night, but then met a cute guy and hung out with him. Tons of fun. Now I don't feel bad for going away over the weekend :) By the time I went back to get my stuff, the gym was closed. Guess I'll go back and get it tonight.

I cut up some mushrooms and onions and roasted them in the oven, lay down for 20 minutes to rest while I wait for them to be ready. Wake up 2 hours later to my phone ringing, hear something about the oven, remember, and find charcoal with bits of mushroom and onion mixed in. I salvaged what I could and went to back sleep. Ate my supper for breakfast.

I've been going to a chiropractor for a couple months now. I thought about blogging each appointment, but never got around to it. It started when the love of my life said he goes to a chiropractor and it's like getting a massage, only insurance pays. Since then I realized that I'm paying top dollar for health insurance and not getting my money's worth, I might as well use such health services, and I wanted to try it out. It's kinda cool.

Taliban Now Winning: Afghanitnam

"The Taliban have gained the upper hand in Afghanistan, the top American commander there said, forcing the U.S. to change its strategy in the eight-year-old conflict by increasing the number of troops in heavily populated areas like the volatile southern city of Kandahar, the insurgency's spiritual home.

The militants are mounting sophisticated attacks that combine roadside bombs with ambushes by small teams of heavily armed militants, causing significant numbers of U.S. fatalities, he said.

"How many people do you bring in before the Afghans say, 'You're acting like the Russians'?" said one senior military official, referring to the Soviet occupation of Afghanistan in the 1980s. "That's the big debate going on in the headquarters right now."

The U.S. is working to persuade Helmand's farmers to replace their poppy fields with wheat and fruit. Pretty crazy stuff. If poppies pay better, what farmer want to plant wheat? Then again, people do need to eat...

If you haven't yet read Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns read it now! It has never been more relevant than right now.

Oh, and Amazon, next time I search for a book - link me to the PAPERBACK, NOT the KINDLE version. You know I don't have a Kindle.

Weekend Trip, Cute Story, Search Wars

My parents were going away for the weekend, and I had a choice: Go with them or stay home and have the house to myself. For the first time in a good while, I decided to go with them. So I didn't get laid this weekend, (though there was some eye candy tanning by the pool, and another cute boy working at the pizza shop). But it was a nice weekend. Good to spend some time with the family. Relaxing atmosphere.

I got a ride back with a family I didn't know. They were determined to avoid traffic at all costs. So they avoided NYS Route 17 and drove through Pennsylvania, taking something like U.S Route 209 to U.S. Route 206 to NJ Route 15, etc. It seemed absurd, but if they had done it right Google says it should only add about 3 miles and 25 minutes. If it avoided potentially hours of traffic on the 17 it could have been a smart move. However, all that fails to account for the difficulty of driving on dark, winding, country roads in the fog and heavy rain, making wrong turns and generally not knowing where you're going. In the end, the trip took a "respectable" four hours or

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Crazy question: Why is West Milford, PA east of Milford, PA?

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My grandfather told a cute story, a "chassidishe ma'aseh": There was a Rebbe (Grand Rabbi) who had a custom to toss apples into the crowd of his followers who would gather at the close of the Festival of Tabernacles. The men would eagerly grab for the apples, as there was a tradition that anyone who catches one would be assured a year of wealth. Over the years, the crowd grew and men would fight and push to get the blessed apples. The Rebbe's assistants warned their master that the situation was becoming out of control and with all the shoving, people might get hurt. The Rebbe sent a message to the people, "There should be no more pushing to catch the apples."

The next year, the pushing was even worse. Now, as each man shoved his neighbor out of the way, he would taunt him, "Have you not heard the words of the Holy Rebbe? He said not to push, and still you push for the apples!" The Rebbe's assistants returned to him with the news. The Rebbe responded by issuing a stern warning, "Whoever pushes to catch the apples will be cursed with five years of poverty."

The next year, there was no pushing. The crowd was smaller than usual, and everyone who came stood rigid, afraid to push for fear of the Rebbe's curse. As the Rebbe began tossing the apples, however, one frail elderly man ran frantically through the crowd grabbing as many apples as he could. After the event, people came over to the old man, incredulous. "Is it not foolish to risk five years of poverty for the chance of a single year of wealth?" they asked.

"Ah, but where else can I receive the Holy Rebbe's guarantee that I'll live out the next five years!" responded the old man, a twinkle in his eye and a smile on his lips.

---

In other news, Microsoft's much-touted Bing search engine, well, sucks. Just as a random example: I was searching for information about the world's largest green-energy project, DESERTEC. So I typed Desrtec [sic] into Bing (actually into the Firefox search box, which happened to be set to Bing at the time). What I got was this page asking if I perhaps meant to search for Bachelorette News or maybe Shooting in Pittsburgh or Vanessa Hudgens Nude. Google's first result was Desertec.org. Even spelled correctly, Bing gave the $500 Billion pan-European consortium's plan one link, and then listed results for "Deserted".

Sushi, Birthday Cake, and a Side of Death

I am really tired. I woke up with a headache. I don't know why. I got a good night's sleep, about 5 hours - not less than usual, maybe a bit more. Headache's cleared up but still dazed tired. Mystery.

In the car on the ride to work this morning, I was treated to a lecture about how we're all going to die. I knew that. But it's somewhat morbid to think about too much. This guy was adamant that we should think about it a lot. Okay.

Last night I went over to my aunt's house. She heard I was feeling blue last week and invited me over. She made sushi for supper because she knew I like it, but she used vegetables instead of fish. I really only like the fish part, could care less about seaweed and rice. So what are you supposed to do when someone goes out of their way to be nice to you and do something for you but you totally don't appreciate it? Not only do I not appreciate the dish, but I'd much rather prepare my own food and choose what I want to eat. I hate having to eat food I don't like.

Then for dessert she brought out a birthday cake. Okay, cool. My birthday's coming up. Again, I could do without the cake because it's so unhealthy, and if you're getting me a cake at least get a kind I like... So again, are you trying to do me a favor? I appreciate that you want to--but you're clueless about my tastes. Or maybe you are doing it for yourself. In that case, don't think you're doing me any favors, don't act like I owe you anything. But it was nice of you to think of celebrating my birthday.

Then she got out a camera to take a picture of me blowing out the candle or something. I didn't want the picture, covered my face and asked for no pictures. But they persisted. I left the room. Lied down on the couch, and almost cried to myself. All I wanted was to be left alone. After a minute I came back, they agreed to put away the camera, and I cut the cake...

After the kids went to bed, I went with my aunt to the gym. Had a good workout, then showered and changed and emerged from the locker room feeling good -- to find an exasperated aunt upset at how long I had kept her waiting. I was so pissed and deeply hurt that she would hurry me out of the gym. DOES SHE NOT KNOW THAT I LIVE FOR THIS?!?! Idiot. I ONLY agreed to come to your house because you mentioned that I'd be able to go to the gym. I only got off antidepressants because working out took their place. I'm sorry to keep you waiting, but that's me. I need this. If you don't understand, don't invite me over. I didn't ask to come. I appreciate your offer and invitation, but I'm not flipping my life upside down over it! You might see this as overreacting, and maybe it is, but for some reason it touched me deeply. I was very pained and hurt that she complained I kept her waiting. I think I felt betrayed. I was led to believe she invited me because she cared about me and then to discover that she doesn't begin to understand.

Despite the hurt, it's good it happened because we had a good conversation about it afterward. This type of thing was related to the reason I had felt down last week. I hate feeling like a burden to people, and it bothers me when they complain about me burdening them. But sometimes I can't help it. For me to be me, other people suffer at times. I try to minimize it, but it seems that its impossible to completely avoid. That's why I had written "the world would be better off without me." And she became concerned...

I thought about how much my parents are pained by my lifestyle. I don't want to hurt them. Would they be happier if I were gone? I think they're happier to have me, even as I am, but maybe not. Maybe my whole life is a heavy weight on their shoulders.

My aunt mentioned that Jewish parents sit shiva (mourn) for a child who marries a Gentile. Would my parents really mourn as if I died if I married a non-Jew? If I thought I could find happiness with another person, would they mourn as if I died? It's surreal. What if it was a boy? Jewish boy, non-Jewish boy, I don't know if it makes any difference. If they would mourn my happiness, they obviously don't care too much about me. But could it really be that my parents don't care about me? From everything they say and do it would seem they care a whole lot about me. But perhaps they care about some idealized conceptualization of me, not the real me--with all my flaws.

Another thing that came out of the discussion is how selfish I am. You and I knew that already. My aunt helpfully suggested I could pitch in more around the house, take out the garbage, wash the dishes, help the kids with homework. She's right, I could do more. Maybe that would give me more satisfaction of being a part of the family... tbc

Let me know what you think. I could use some advice. But if you're just going to trash me and bash me I'ma cut you bitch! I'll be happy to ignore it.

Information is the Answer

This effort to regulate alcohol-caffeine beverages is a little silly, considering the ease with which people can and do get an alcohol-caffeine bump without them by simply chasing a beer with a coke, downing a vodka and Red Bull, or simply going out for a coffee following a night of drinking.

The National Association of Attorneys General’s panel on youth access to alcohol said in a letter to the FTC that “a critical goal of our committee is to encourage and obtain direct federal involvement in the removal of these dangerous products.”

What they should do is make alcoholic beverage makers list ingredients, calories, and level of alcohol in their drinks. It's really annoying buying a beer and not knowing how much alcohol or how many calories it contains.

Personal Details

I had a good trip to Atlantic City. I borrowed a car and just drove, without a clear destination in mind. I stopped in a couple of places on the way, at a random campgrounds, some Jersey Shore beaches (Long Beach Island, Asbury Park). Eventually I ended up in AC. I gave myself a walking tour of the place including casinos, bars, beaches, and shops. Then I met a cute guy and some friends of his who invited me over to their hotel. I didn't play any slots or do any gambling. But I did go to the casino with one of the guys and watch him play out $20. The whole slots thing seemed so silly, but it was fun to spend some time together. Watching him enjoy the experience made it special.

This week was J's 20th birthday. Lots of people were away for the summer, but we had a little window-fogging celebration in the back seat, for what it's worth. I didn't actually mean for it to happen that way. We were just hanging out, and then I offered him a ride, and then, yeah.

I'm trying to figure out what, if anything, to do for my birthday - coming up soon.

Administration Backpedals on Tax Promise - Obama's Finally Acting Presidential

"...let me perfectly clear... if your family earns less than $250,000 a year, you will not see your taxes increased a single dime.  I repeat: not one single dime...  Finally, because we're also suffering from a deficit of trust, I am committed to restoring a sense of honesty and accountability to our budget." --Remarks of President Barack Obama to Joint Session of Congress, February 24, 2009.

Well, ObamaCare changes all of that. It must be paid for, after all.

See PoliticalFuzz on new taxes proposed or imposed by the administration since that statement, and Geithner and Summers saying no guarantees re the tax issue. Times they are a'changin, they say.

Kathleen Lyday (Or Somebody Else) Letter

There has been a letter to the President circulating through the interwebs, mostly as an email chain. It raises some interesting points, but the tone is largely too hysterical to facilitate purposeful discussion. One point it raises, however, was so blatantly contradicted by the facts as to call into question some of the other figures in the note.

"I understand the average House aide got a 17% bonus.  I took a 5% cut in my pay to save jobs with my employer. You haven't said anything about that.  Who authorized that?  I surely didn't!" -Kathleen Lyday

"For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies.

It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break; the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours.

It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate." -Barack Obama

See here for full text of the letter.

Gallup Daily

BBC E-mail: 'Organic has no health benefits'

Teddy Douglas saw this story on the BBC News website and thought you
should see it.

** 'Organic has no health benefits' **
Organic food is no healthier than conventionally produced food, a large independent review has concluded.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/em/fr/-/2/hi/health/8174482.stm

Senate was just 2 votes shy of flooding states with concealed weapons

Thune Amendment; Reciprocity for the Carrying of Certain Concealed Firearms - Vote Rejected (58-39, 3 Not Voting)

The Senate could not reach the necessary sixty votes to include this gun provision in the National Defense Authorization Act. The amendment would have allowed citizens who have concealed carry permits from their states to carry concealed firearms in another state that grants concealed carry permits.

But perhaps I shouldn't condemn reciprocity, even if I don't support guns. On other issues, such as marriage, I might support reciprocity.

New Digital Divide: Blacks Nearly Twice as Likely to Have Mobile Web Access

Nearly half of all African Americans and English speaking Hispanics used cell phones or other hand held devices to access the Internet, compared to the 28% of white Americans who do so. Adoption of mobile access to the web by African American on an average day is fast growing; from 12% in December 2007 to 29% by April 2009. By comparison, only 19% of all Americans access the Internet on a mobile device in a typical day. (Kelsey)

Gloat: World's Coolest iPhone App That Wouldn't Work on iPhone

I had a great concept for an iPhone App (though the iPhone platform can't fully support it yet). Maybe it could work on the Pre or Android. It's called Gloat (or maybe iGloat?), because it does just that. Although the programming might be a bit tricky, the end-user interface couldn't be simpler. The app just asks you which sports teams you follow. Then it gloats for you when they win.

• It looks up your team's schedule, sees when they play, and tracks when they win
• It looks through your contacts (Facebook friends, IM buddies, Email contacts, whatever it can get a hold of)
• When your team wins, it immediately messages whichever friends come from the losing team's hometown

Gloat 2.0 (available in time for 2010 NFL season - Sep 2010) can add more advanced features for the sports enthusiast. I figure we could have our software on about 50 million devices by 2013. Then we could add ticket sales, a tie in with a fantasy sports league, and record keeping so you can track who's getting top Gloating rights. It could even suggest which teams to follow (based on team record/standings/your friends' fave teams) to maximize your Gloats. iGloat can also be set to Tweet your Gloats automatically.

In iGloat 3.0 we'll expand it beyond sports. Remember the last time your uncle's neighbor dropped you a stock tip? Note it in iGloat, and she'll get Gloatted when the ticker falls.

Or how about how you have to sit through boring episodes of Runway, Idol, or SYTYCD... Tell iGloat who your favorite contestants are and it will let you know when to tune in (or maybe even serve up the video) and you won't even have to sit through the show to tell your friends all about it. Gloat loves elections, too!

A timetable for launch of iGloat might go something like:

• Beta version for late October 2009 (start of NBA season)
• 1.0 should be out 5 months later in time for the (April 2010) MLB season
• 2.0 coming 5 months after that (Sep 2010) in time for the NFL season
• 3.0 early 2011, maybe time it with the new season of American Idol
  

Think iGloat is mean? I kinda agree, but you know you do it anyway, so I might as well automate it (and sell it).

Live Rent Free

Is this for real? The Caretaker Gazette publishes listings for housesitters. People with houses and nothing to do with them let other people live in them for free!

Are Indoor Pools Bad for Your Lungs?

The chlorine in indoor pools can be detrimental to pulmonary health for competitive swimmers who spend a lot of time at the pool. “When some of our high-school swimmers are going on college recruiting trips, we tell them to follow one simple rule,” says Dr. Jim Miller. “If you walk into the building and can find your way to the pool without directions, don’t go to that school. A smelly pool is, chemically, way out of balance.” If your favorite pool is easy to find, blind-folded, talk to the manager about re-calibrating the amount of chlorine being used or improving the air flow in the facility.

Overall, researchers say, the benefits of swimming for exercise outweigh the risks. As the authors of the Quebec City study of youthful swim racers were careful to point out, only one of the 72 swimmers they studied smoked and none were obese, making them statistical anomalies among the young. “Breathing problems do sometimes develop,” Miller says. “But with rare exceptions, they can be controlled. Swimming remains, in general, very good for you.” (NYT)

Adobe Latest to Not Understand the Web

Sigh. They don't get it, do they? Adobe Wave is not a new thing. It is RSS recycled.

Taxing Healthcare Benefits Shortsighted

A tax on employer-provided health benefits is extremely short-sighted. Rather than pay the tax, many employers would simply trim the benefits they offer. This means the actual revenues the government receives from the program will be far less than projected, and it will also lead to less coverage for employees, greater long-term health complications, reduced quality of life. About the only upside is higher profits for employers who now get away with lower premiums and can blame the government. This too, is short-term, as doctors would suffer from lower payments and seek redress.

Cut coverage for over-the-counter drugs, but enhanced prescription coverage? Does this make sense? Who says prescription drugs are better or more important than OTCs? So now, instead of covering an $11 OTC, you want people to go to the doctor ($75) and get the prescription version ($35) so it will be covered?

Morgan Stanley's Matthew Robson Says Teens Don't Twitter

Fifteen year old Matthew Robson explained in a now-famous Morgan Stanley research note why teenagers don't use Twitter (and neither should you): They actually realize nobody reads their tweets. Before you start to argue, just enjoy the miracle of youth. The kid knows intuitively what adults need extensive research and essays in the Harvard Business Review to point out. OK, now you can argue. Just check out those links first.

Bonus Points: If you had gotten $50 million of free advertising coverage, you'd be popular too.

Leaked internal Twitter documents show the company projects a billion users by 2013. I assume what they mean is a billion sign-ups, not actives.

Repeat After Me: Netflix Good, Redbox Bad

I had thought this went without saying, but then I heard some people have been getting it wrong lately. So I want you all to repeat after me: Netflix Good, Redbox Bad. Say it. Excellent. Again. Well done! One more time. Netflix Good, Redbox Bad.

• Netflix comes to your door. Redbox makes you wait on line at the supermarket. (After you already waited on line at the supermarket with your groceries. Now you stand by this kiosk, grocery bags in hand, waiting for your turn at the Red Monster.)

• Netflix knows what you like. Redbox makes you sift through randoms.

• Netflix never charges late fees. Redbox charges you every day.

• Netflix has 100,000 choices. Redbox has maybe 200 in the box.

• Redbox gives you two measly one-day rental promo codes if they rent you a damaged disc. And those only come after you argue with them. Netflix replaces the disc for free.

• Netflix is cool with you losing the disc sleeve. I shudder to think how a Redbox would take losing the DVD cover. Probably blow a gasket. Literally.
  

• Redbox makes a mess of your credit card bill with all its silly little charges. Netflix is just one neat, all inclusive, charge each month.

• Netflix offers online streaming video. Redbox offers online email spam.

• Netflix loves you. Redbox is a backwards ATM.

Still not convinced? Here's more evidence: The studios are cutting deals with Redbox. This shows, and you'll love the logic, that they don't believe in it. Redbox is less profitable for the studio than DVD sales or even Blockbuster rentals. So why would the studios support them? To keep Netflix at bay. Netflix they perceive as a threat. They know they can kill Redbox with relative ease if they ever need to. So they're willing to prop up Redbox a bit to control the threat of Netflix while they try to figure out a streaming strategy of their own.

Pssst. Redbox! If you're listening, these are some areas you need to work on.

Yeah, after those shenanigans Amazon pulled this morning, I'm in a slightly Orwellian mood.

Full disclosure: I am not a Netflix employee, nor do I hold positions in Netflix or Redbox parent Coinstar. I have used both services.

Mirror Free Does Nothing, But That's OK

In fact, it's even better since bored users are more likely to click on ads. (WSJ)

Gripes

Dear Calvin Klein,

Your underwear ads are famous the world over, but your product does not deliver. Truly, the emperor has no clothes. I recommend 2xist or Jockey.

Dear Wikipedia,

Why is there no simple way to request a new article? Why is the search function so limited? Yes, I know that encyclopedias have traditionally been in alphabetical order by article name, but now that it's online there is a new way to find stuff! It's called Search and Microsoft, Yahoo, or Google will be happy to provide it to you free of charge. So do it!

Yeah they say I'm smart. But what has that really done for the world?

I have this need to feel loved, to feel worthwhile, to feel useful. I need the security of knowing that I'm valuable. I need companionship. I enjoy being able to make someone else happy.

I don't think there is too much to be truly happy about here in this world. Anything good goes away sooner or later. But sex makes people happy. When someone wants to have sex with me I feel useful, I feel like I have something to offer. I feel wanted. I get a companion, if only for a short time. And I can show that person a good time in this bleak world.

Perhaps there is another way that some of you have, dear readers, to feel these things and fulfill these needs.

When I speak, my words are unheard; my written word goes unread. My mind makes no one happy. They say money can't buy happiness. But with my body, I often feel that's my only shot. That can deliver happiness, that can make an impact.

To be continued. Just wanted to note this thought.

No More Change for Change's Sake

Introducing the Change2Improve movement! Companies that join Change2Improve commit to not change their products unless there is a verifiable improvement or company need. We are currently working to develop standards and sign up partners. Member companies will be able to use the Change2Improve logo on their products. Too many companies have been changing their products for absolutely no good reason and it irritates consumers. Many consumers would prefer to use Change2Improve-certified products, enjoying the security that the familiar products and services they use will not suddenly change around unless there is an actual benefit to them.

Google Finance made some changes today. They are bad.

I don't have time to elaborate, but I want to note that most Google Finance users do not want to be Web Designers. They just want quick, accurate information. I don't need the site to be super-duper customizable. I don't want to spend time customizing. I just want it to be there, what I need, when I need it. It was great before. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. And certainly don't break it for [insert your favorite deity here] sake.

I want my information providers to be like a chef. The chef's job is to choose from different ingredients and cooking methods etc. and prepare the meal in the best way, so it tastes good and leaves you feeling satisfied. I don't want my information providers to be like a well-stocked kitchen which gives me all the options to cook myself a wonderful meal. This is good to have as a backup database, but not for instant basic data.

Also, the new stock charting features with the Bollinger Bands and whatnot is just abhorrent. It could encourage more widespread use of that grotesque technical analysis stuff. Google's supposed to be data-driven and should be above that sort of superstition. Shame on you. What a waste of engineering resources that could have been used to create something useful.

Life Kills

I feel cut off, but at least that means I feel. I feel like shit, but by that thread I feel alive. I had died for so long. I want to meet with people I love and discuss literature, art, movies, feelings. I want to stop being alone. I called in sick at work today. My boss is still away camping, another co-worker on vacation in Florida so I don't know if this was a good time to leave because everyone else is out anyway or if I was supposed to be there to cover. Probably the former, because I don't actually cover for anyone else anyway, just do my own thing. But maybe I'll lose my job over this. Who knows.

The day off allowed me to start thinking; I'm usually just too busy to think about my life. The conclusion is it's rotten. It's empty. Couple days ago I was hangin with a friend (LA Guy) and we saw this cute guy by himself, waiting for his friend apparently. LA Guy called him over and the three of us were chatting. I would have never just gone over to the guy and struck up a conversation myself, too shy. My friend seemed interested in this guy, but in the end I went home with him. LA Guy wasn't thrilled about that. I'll probably ask the guy out next weekend. He probably won't respond to my messages. Oh well. As the popular buzzword goes today, FML. Then went out to a place in Williamsburg the other night, another cute boy came home with me. Yay me. It keeps me alive. But it's only life support. I need something to get me off life support and really living.

I haven't written much lately. And what I write nobody reads. And what they read, it has no impact. I'm invisible. Stop smirking, you're invisible too! Automatons. All of us. FOL. They put a new filter on the computers at work. Facebook is blocked. Now I might as well have no friends.

Safe Eyes filter found leading cause of depression in US teens*

"Parental controls on children's Internet browsing can have the effect of isolating them from social peers, as well as generating feelings of helplessness, alienation, and low self-esteem," explains one depressed Safe Eyes sufferer. "Web filtering software and other content blockers could leave harmful psychological effects."

"Content filtering is a like potent drug," the boy's doctor said. "It can be expected to come along with with some side effects. Parents need to be made aware of that."

"We'll protect our kids even if it kills them," asserts a NetNanny mother from Oklahoma in response to critics. ['Cuz after all, safe dead kids are better than healthy but endangered ones. Oh wait, let me double check that...]

BLACK BOX WARNING**: The Safe Eyes internet filter and other web filtering software has been shown to cause serious adverse effects in some children, adolescents, and adults. Possible reactions include, but are not limited to, headache, nausea, fatigue, depression, family arguments, suicidal ideations, and attempted suicide. If you or anyone you know has been exposed to Safe Eyes, care should be taken to monitor for signs of illness and call your doctor immediately if condition worsens or does not improve after 3 days.

How to protect yourself:
Do not purchase or install Safe Eyes or similar software. In case of accidental ingestion, remove the program using the included uninstaller and then wipe your hard drive and reinstall Windows.*** Better yet, just buy a new computer. Safe Eyes is highly infectious and probably contaminated your entire system. Stay far away. If you are unsure how to proceed, call your Poison Control Center immediately.

In all seriousness, I personally have struggled with internet-filter-onset depression. And I mean clinical Depression. Caused by idiotic meddling in my personal freedom. Anyone who has read this blog knows how dead serious I'm being when I say if I die in the near future, the most likely cause will be related to internet filtering and monitoring.**** People think this is an innocuous way to "protect kids from the dangers of the internet". Think again. It's not innocuous at all. Young peoples' lives revolve around modern technology, like it or not. Learn to deal, OK? Place too many limits on how people can live and they'll realize they just don't want to. Not like that.

*Okay, so I don't have scientific studies to back this up - yet. I do have anecdotal evidence, though. I have my personal feelings.

**This Black Box Warning has not been evaluated or approved by the FDA. It is merely my suggestion for what might be added to notify parents of the risks "child safety" filters entail.

***This should not be taken as professional IT advice. If you or someone you know has this problem, please consult a competent IT professional for advice. My purpose here is just to encourage people to think about the possible negative effects this software may have.

**** In case you were wondering, the good news is it didn't kill me. See 8/17/09 update.

Gmail Sheds 'Beta' Label: Finally buggy enough for full release

Following in the footsteps of software giant Microsoft, Google made sure to add just enough performance issues, annoyances, unnecessary features, and poor support to their product before its official release.

When I first started using Gmail several years ago, I loved it. It was a huge improvement over my old Juno, Yahoo, or Hotmail accounts at the time. It enabled me to manage my inbox in ways I couldn't before, adding Search, Labels, and the conversation view feature that grouped messages more clearly. The spam filter caught most of the junk coming in. Over time, Google has made many useful updates to the service, adding IMAP support and more.

However, email today isn't what it was then. As the amount of email being sent and received has grown, Gmail has failed to keep up. Instead of being a supplementary messaging system, email is ubiquitous. It is also multimedia enabled, or should be. Can you tell me why I can't even copy/paste a photo into an email with Gmail?

Increasingly, Gmail has fallen behind in offering better ways to organize the information in the inbox. As services like Xobni and Xoopit and CC Betty and Gist and yes, even Microsoft, have tried to help users organize the mountain of information streaming into the inbox, Gmail's "innovation" has been limited to gimmicks like skins and other bloatware. I mean, do I really need to play Snake in my inbox? (Yes, for those of you who may have missed it, there is an option in Gmail Labs that allows you to play the old cell phone time waster game Snake inside Gmail.)

At a time when email needs to once again be reinvented, when email should be rapidly evolving and is clearly insufficient in its current form, now is a mighty curious time to take off the Beta label.

On 2nd thought, does "propylene glycol gel" really sound healthier than tobacco?

Not smoking has its disadvantages. So I'm intrgued by these e-cigs I've been hearing about.

I want an e-cig that's just water vapor without the nicotine or flavors or anything. That way, I could have the "cool" factor of smoking, and have something to do with my hands, and have something in my mouth, and have something to do while I hang out with my friends during a smoking break, etc.

Then again, part of the "cool" factor relates directly to doing something illicit and dangerous...

Banning Stuff is the New Education

Last week a federal advisory panel recommended banning America's most popular and effective prescription pain pills, including Percocet and Vicodin.

It's no surprise that these pain relievers are considered dangerous. They contain powerful, habit-forming narcotics like oxycodone and hydrocodone. But that's not the issue. Percocet and Vicodin also contain acetaminophen — you know, Tylenol, that "harmless" over-the-counter pain reliever we pop like candy at the least sign of a headache, sore throat or general malaise.

It turns out that Tylenol isn't all that harmless. Overdoses kill more than 400 people each year and send 42,000 to the emergency room with acute liver failure. And so-called "combination pain killers" account for most of those overdoses.

"The FDA panel is not saying the drugs in Vicodin are bad," said one expert. "They are saying that tying [opioid narcotics and NSAIDs] together is wrong."

By adding acetaminophen to narcotics, combination drugs provide better pain relief with lower levels of narcotic. They are great for short-term use, such as after surgery.

Patients who take these drugs for chronic pain, however, build up a tolerance to the narcotic. As they take more and more, they also take more acetaminophen, and are at risk of liver damage.

Instead, Fishman said, doctors should prescribe the narcotics and acetaminophen separately. More trouble, but a safer option. (Mercury News)

So basically, instead of teaching people the right way to use a drug, the suggestion is just to ban it altogether.

A new meaning for "Senate Race"

So as the New York State Senate Democrats rushed to complete their Governor-ordered special session in a little time as possible, they were held up by Sen. Craig Johnson's request for a moment of silence. The Dems finished in 3 minutes, 19 seconds. The Republicans got out in just 2 minutes, 28 seconds. For this 2 or 3 minute workday, the Senators will receive wages of $160. Which translates north of $6000 an hour.

The curious thing, though, is the moment of silence. It was intended to commemorate the anniversary of the death of Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson, whom Johnson called "one of the greatest spiritual leaders of the past century." Yet to that Rabbi's most devoted followers such a tribute is blasphemy: They believe their leader's not dead. (Daily News article)

Tax to Fund U.S. Healthcare May Kill U.S. Healthcare

The purpose of not taxing employer-sponsored health coverage is to encourage employers to give their employees health insurance. This is a good thing. It makes healthcare more accessible to Americans. This system is the reason so many Americans have health insurance.

The Baucus plan circulating in the Senate disincentivizes employer-sponsorship by taxing it. In response, employers will not spend as much on health insurance. Costs will inevitably shift onto the individual. In addition, the nonsense of "gold-plated better than members of Congress have" plans being excessive - if nobody has any incentive to offer a better plan, insurance companies cease trying to offer them. Competition is reduced. Cost go up acros the board.

Do you know anybody who has complained their health care coverage is too generous?

Individual coverage carries higher rates than company plans and is taxable, all of which increases the burden of health insurance on the individual (and we are all "the individual").

Ultimately most people can't afford this, but fear not: the government will subsidize insurance for "those who cannot afford it".

So in one of the most roundabout ways imaginable, the plan shifts costs from voluntary, tax incentivized, employer-sponsored coverage to direct government sponsorship of more expensive, less effective plans for fewer people. (see Bloomberg article)

Comedians and Gay Gyms

I bought "I'm Telling You For the Last Time" by Jerry Seinfeld and "200 M.P.H." by Bill Cosby. Both very funny. Something by Dane Cook, too. What's more funny is sitting on the subway or working out at the gym with headphones on, laughing my head off for no apparent reason.

I tried out one of the super gay gyms in the middle of the city's (world's?) gayest neighborhoods. It was just like any other normal gym, so for all you who live out in the 'burbs or sticks and feel like you're missing something - don't feel bad. (Maybe I just came at a less "busy" time?)

You know how it is when you spend a week preparing for a meeting, and then you have about 20 minutes to make your entire presentation? You deliver a 25 page document and wonder if anyone is ever going to read it? Yeah. That's when I tell myself I'm on salary and it really doesn't matter if the work is a dead end. Then I go back to my desk and change the message: Now, it is important once again to contribute to the success of the business!

Anyone coming to Pride?

Anonymous, if you're reading this - you need to find a way we can talk without your snooping beloved eavesdropping.

Songs.

"You sit there in your heartache
waiting on some beautiful boy to
save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now ... here he comes!

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined when you were young"

When You Were Young - The Killers

Intriguing Quote

"So why am I not out of the closet? I was never in the closet. I am not trapped behind 3 walls and a door just because people don't know my sexual orientation. I am free." -Anonymous@PicturePerfect

She was kinda cute, too

One of the cutest moments from the weekend was when I was in the pool, and a family comes in, one of those nuclear families with a father and mother and little girl and boy like in a family icon:

So the mom comes in and starts saying something, asks how I got in if the pool was locked (Gee, I was thinking the same thing - maybe we both have keys? Lol.) I start swimming over to grab my bathing suit from the side of the pool where I had left it, and she notices I'm not wearing it and flushes and turns away. One of the kids turns to her and says, "See, I told you it was a boy."

I've had a crush on this guy at the gym for some time. For months we never spoke to each other, but recently he gave me a ride and we hit it off great. Now we've been chatting it up, talking about workout routines and eating habits, where to find local basketball courts (it turns out people around here play tennis just because they can't find a decent basketball court!) and how to build a six pack. Standard gym talk. But it's really great to talk to him. He's a great guy. I'm not sure whether to tell him I'm into him, but for now at least it's nice to be friends.

So I took a vacation and what and why

So I got in the car and drove. Traffic. Traffic. Then it cleared up a little. Stopped off, did some shopping. Drove. Traffic. Music. Finally got there. Stripped and jumped in the pool. Ahhh. Then opened the house, warmed up, relaxed. Cooked dinner. I made a simple meal, fried some burgers, had some leftover roast, pesto sauce with toasted whole wheat pitas, chopped liver. Somehow it was one of the best meals I've ever eaten. Then I flipped through some channels on TV. There was nothing on. And if there was, I flipped that channel during a commercial break. Seriously, I don't know how people watch broadcast TV. So I popped in a DVD and watched Sunset Boulevard, or Rocky. (I watched both over the weekend, just don't remember which one fits into this point in the story.) And it was all so amazing, I had such a good time.

After the movie, I went out on the porch, and took a giant lungful of sweet country air; it was after midnight and everything was silent. I looked up at the starry sky and looked all around, the trees, the lawn. Beauty everywhere. And then I cried a little because I was all alone, there was no one to share this great night with. But then I cheered up, that's a small thing to kill the mood over. I went out and sat on the swings, climbed on the monkey bars, and jogged a little. Then went to sleep ever so peacefully.

When I awoke, I made a pot of steaming cocoa. Read Frank O'Hara's Ave Maria and Edna St. Vincent Millay's What Lips My Lips Have Kissed, And Where, And Why. Reread Prufrock, and Ginsburg's America. Then swam a few laps, came in and made breakfast. I found nothing on the telly, so I went for a walk. Made popcorn and watched another movie. Got out the basket ball and shot some hoops. Took a long bath, so relaxing I half fell asleep in the tub.

The only thing missing was the people, but to paraphrase Sartre, people are hell anyway. I got back to the city just in time to be fashionably late to the ball. Okay, well more late than was fashionable to be honest. But I heard they ran out of food early on and had to order more. The organizer called the caterer frantic, "Send me anything you've got, we're on empty here!" So I must have gotten there right after the food was replenished, which was cool because I hadn't eaten much all day. I made the rounds of hellos and how are yous and good to see yous and congratulationses and thanks yous and then dug in.

Confessions Blog Link

Great series of posts from a former NYC go-go boy describes how
dancing almost destroyed his life - and how much he still misses it.

So true. It's such a rush. So much fun. But it becomes an addiction and
like any addiction pulls you deeper into its own world, and out of the
real one. He talks about needing more and more and the fear of losing
his fix. I'm not ready to write my own confession yet ;) but I
identify with what he writes, and am thankful I never fell in that deep, though it beckons temptingly.

President Obama says Bigotry in Military OK

"They're only soldiers, what can we expect from them? These are the low-lifes of society, the white trash. We can't expect enlightened behavior from this low class of people. The macho fools who join the army can't be expected to respect homosexuals as equals, so we shouldn't bother asking them to."

Perhaps this is how the Obama administration feels about the military. Is this why he insists "don't ask don't tell" can't be overturned? Has he forgotten Brown v. Board of Education - where it was decided that stereotypes can be overcome only through interaction with the other group? (Supreme Court grants an Obama administration request to maintain "don't ask, don't tell")

Another Weekend Passed

Went out the other night. Boring time overall, but one guy I keep thinking about. A go-go boy I've met several times before. Once he even gave me his number (or a number, anyway - he never responded when I tried it - so in response to anonymous and Sven - whether it's all the gays or just the ones I meet, I guess it is fairly common.) and called me "mi amor" (yeah, he's latin). He's so beautiful! and the way he felt me up ahhhh! Yeah, it's usually the other way around with go-gos - patrons feeling them up, so I have hope he's interested. LOL.

Over the weekend, stopped at the highly promoted party that nobody went to because it's in the wrong neighborhood. Just used the bathroom, then left. Brief stop at another one that nobody went to because it's in a place with the wrong reputation. Left right quick that as well. Then went to the place where my friends were going for a friend's birthday. That place is usually way too crowded, but was actually fun this time. Not as terribly packed as it has been, and I knew a bunch of people. Then left to meet LA boy uptown. We were going to talk, and we did, but it didn't stop at talking. Which is fine. Whatever.

Now it's back to work. Wondering how/if I'm going to find the one who's going to make me happy.

Oh for those who are wondering about the May Challenge. It went great! Very inspiring. I feel like I'm in the best shape I was all year.

Thank You Ms. Stavisky For Your Support

Write your Senator today!

I'm Liking:

Blueberries
Watching the sun set over the lake
Growing bank accounts
Interacting with friends (or, what passes for friends in my lonely world :)
Being active, exercising

Anyway, so in texts-from-last-night, the guy who last week said he wanted to ride me hard and fast and see if I could last until I make him cum decided, after several days of non-responding to messages, that he doesn't want to lead me on and just wants to be friends. Ah, relationships. So difficult to understand!

LA guy's coming back this week.

I keep thinking about taking a vacation, but there seems to be no point if I have no one to go with.

Well yeah, so that was Memorial Day

Memorial Day Weekend. Thursday night went over to a friend to watch a
movie and enjoy each other's company :) Friday drove back to New York
via Brooklyn, where my brother and I spent several hours shopping for
glasses, ties, pants, trinkets, and whatnot.

When you shop for eyeglasses, usually the salesperson (tell me if
you've had the same experience) will ask you a few questions, show you
some frames, you pick something out - and then you get The Spiel: OK
those frames are $___. I can show you something a little cheaper
(picks up something horrible), but I think those (points to the ones
you picked out) look really good on you. That's what they're buying
these days. And I can give you 15% off that price. You'll want to go
with a scratch-resistant coating for just $45 extra, but I can do it
for you for $25. And we'll put on the special new glare-free coating,
you're lenses will look much nicer and you won't notice a glare, it's
only $65 more. And with your prescription, I can offer you a higher
index lens, it will be much thinner and lighter, if you want that, for
an extra $100.

Then we came to this little hole in the wall shop, and the prices are
really as marked! Pick something out, and the storekeeper says here's
the price. I can deliver it next Tuesday. And we can't believe it.
"But next door they wanted $650?! How could you sell it for $225?" "I
want to see what they were selling for $650. It doesn't make sense."

"Ok, great. So can you give me the scratch-resistant?"
"Let me find out. [makes phone call] Yup, they're scratch resistant.
It's included."
"And do I want the glare coating?"
"Also included."
"But they told me they had a new super duper glare coating that's
baked, not fried. You give me that?"
[Makes another phone call] "Okay, so there are 2 brands of glare
coating they use. They're both the same except they charge $100 more
for the other one. I'm giving you the same thing I have in my own
glasses [points to own gorgeous glasses]."

And you know what? The 5 stores that tried to earn an extra few bucks
lost the sale altogether and got nothing. But I assume they're doing
alright. 300% markups can make up for a lot of missed opportunities.

Anyway, so Saturday night house party in Manhattan Beach, Sunday gym,
spa with C, and then to a club. Monday, slept, read, walked through
the park with barbecues and then came home and ate pizza.

Rant About Google

I usually like Google's new features, but this latest design change is an exception. Google says it wants its new features to feel like they were there all along. They believe this will make the feature more comfortable to use, but in fact the opposite is true. It generates this eerie feeling of something being not right. Humans are optimized to adapt to change while preserving a sense of history. When things just appear and pretend they were always there, it's unnerving. But more importantly, the new "search options" feature is just plain bad. It's unhelpful because it makes you push more buttons to do what you want to do, whereas before it was better at predicting which option you might want. And that Wonder Wheel: It's a wonder Google would release anything so absurd and useless.

Not too late to kick-start your health and reach for your fitness goals

Omg been ich mechaven gevuren ([Expletive] my god I co-conceived of the idea? Some things just don't translate well.) The President's Council is running a similar program to my Every Day in May Challenge.

"The National President's Challenge is a nationwide call to action for a healthier America. It's fun and it's free! All you have to do is be active five days a week for six out of eight weeks, and log your activity." (link) So get involved!

Challenge Days 7-11

I'm happy to report that we're on track. Been logging 2 to 4 miles a day and some weights, which is a good start, good foundation to build on. Details to come. Maybe.

Challenge: Day 7

So I had to work late yesterday, and didn't have time for the gym. But Every Day in May doesn't stop just because I missed one day. Here's hoping today's workout will be even better because of yesterday's rest!

Hot Pic

Challenge: Day 6

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The Every Day In May Challenge

Let's try to exercise every day this month. Today is the 5th, so far so good: At least 30 minutes a day so far each day this month. Lots of treadmill, some weights. Maybe I'll try to get the log up here. Be great if someone tries to outdo me - I love competition!

Justice Souter announced plans to retire

Souter retiring, Obama choosing new nominee. I wish I could freeze-frame this and spend a semester delving into this.

Barack Obama's pretty cool. Even though I disagree with many of the things he's been doing, he seems to have things reasoned out pretty well. He might come to the wrong conclusions, but at least he thought it through. It would be great to  spend some time with him.

Cablevision to offer 100Mbps for $100/mth

"It does, however, beg the question why Cablevision can offer fast access with reportedly no caps or overage fees, when others claim such a plan would cause the sky to fall and an exaflood to break the Internet," said S. Derek Turner, research director for Free Press. (ARS)

They Call it Sheep's Meadow

The weather has been great the past few days, and the city began to awaken from its slumber. Everybody was out. On the streets, in the subways, at the park.

I was at a party at night, then crashed at a friend's place, next I new there were 3 in the bed and the little one said roll over... Eventually we got up and made it out to the park for some people watching. One of his friends came with us with her tiny little dog. Everyone who saw us went gaga over the dog. It probably was kinda cute, if you're into that sorta thing. Me, I prefer boys.

Was so tired getting back to work. Aaagh! What will be?

Please Don't Lock Me Out, Matt

Really cool blog I've been reading: Debriefing the Boys. Suddenly it's saying it's only open to invited readers and I'm locked out. I hope this is just a bug or mistake that will soon be fixed!

UPDATE 4/27/09: It's back. Check him out.

Some Changes to the Interface

Wow I don't even remember what this blog used to look like, it's all brand new! (I know, you'll tell me it still looks the same as it always did, but there are subtle differences). Some kinks still need to be ironed out. The headings on the sidebar are too light in color; they're hard to read. There's still no tag cloud, hence no good way to navigate using labels. I tried a few options, but nothing fit the bill.

I updated my profile a bit. Although I remain of course a student of life, I am no longer a student by occupation.

Justice Breyer Molested as a Child

"When I was 8 or 10 or 12 years old, you know, we did take our clothes off once a day. . . and people did sometimes stick things in my underwear."

Justice Breyer misspeaks during Supreme Court hearings in Safford Unified School District v. Redding, No. 08-479. Ms. Redding accused school officials of strip searching her in a search for pain killers. The school officials say their behavior was okay. NYT

Website Maintenance

Yeah all good sites go down for maintenance sometimes. If all goes well, the outage won't be long (microseconds, you won't even notice).

Who wears their computer in their back pocket?

The Sony P Series and Lenovo Pocket Yoga are designed to fit in a back pocket. Um, why? What happens when you sit down? Is that really where you want your their computer? P.S. The Yoga's just for show. Lenovo said it's never coming out.

Looking for People to Complete Me

Can anyone truly believe that cellar door is more beautiful than a humped convolvulus rearing its dragon head from an icy lake?

So here I am typing on a tiny virtual keyboard and once again pondering the big real questions. Is this life worth living? Do I can I will I mean something? Will I find love or happiness?

My father bought a new car. Well a used car, but anyway an additional car. Since my brother started dating he's been hogging the car and now he's engaged, when he gets married I guess he might take it altogether. So when my father let me take the new car out the other night I thought it was a major milestone. I thought he had done some thinking and realized I'm not a little kid anymore and he was ok letting me go out at night. I thought maybe he was done with causing me the pain of having to brave the cold and waste my time with the subways late at night. When I need to go out I need it and go. I was always hurt by the way they held the car over me like that. I thought maybe this could be a turning point, like we could maybe sit down now that we respect each other as adults and come to terms with me and what I go through and especially my sexuality. But then I got a frantic hysterical text message from my father that "it's 3am where are you with my car?" And I shrunk back into my shell. He's still not ready to relate to me straight and I don't want to relate to him at all if it's under those unfair terms. So when I came home avoided my parents, didn't talk to them.

Then as my mother was going upstairs she asked me not to use the stove right now because she had just cleaned it and was too tired to do it again. I said, "oh u just don't like me. The first thing u said to me today was 'don't'." She pointed out that i had ignored her, and to her that's just as bad. I just said "you're right, i'm sorry" but i could have said i didn't talk to you because I just don't like to hear 'don't' all the time.

Anyway where was I out so late? Went to the club, found a guy, gave him a ride home, he asked me up, he wanted to fuck me, he couldn't get hard enough, so i didn't even have to tell him no and it was great cuz it was just how I wanted it, I got to play as if I was gonna let him
without having to stop him and say no and even better since he feels like it's his fault, like he owes me something. Does this make me an evil person?

Recently watched movies: YPF, Shortbus, a documentary about Alfred Kinsey, Save Me, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Vicky Cristina Barcelona

I'm thinking of how great it is what I had with the guy I'm seeing (if you can call it that, we went out twice) but that it is not complete. And can there ever be one person to complete me? Thinking of my friendlessness (real or imagined) and how I always go out alone and sometimes hook up when all I want is a hug and a conversation and acceptance.

I was out the other night and there were three guys in the bar that caught my attention. One of them I've had (would like to do so again, but he doesn't seem into it. However, having done it takes the edge off the unbridled lust), one was hitting on me, and suddenly all that interests me is the third. (Not that I didn't have a good time with bachelor number 2) But I always want more, want what I can't have. Or am too timid to ask for... Okay, so I'm evil. I'm Haman, second to the king, who owns the world, but wants to have that one cute guy who refuses to bend over for him.

And why am I running around with all these people? Two friends packed off to Florida, another's busy with finals, another's in Israel. Everybody left, I feel so alone so that's what happens. I go looking for people.

This Is A Tweet

Back at work, and it's like I never left - except for the 2 week backlog of work. Yikes.

Now Ur a Man

Omg I can't believe this video. I said I wouldn't discuss the specifics of what we did on the weekend. This video doesn't show what happened or what it was like, but I think anyone who was there, with a little sense of humor, might appreciate this video. It brings out a little of the ideas. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Vl7jBY-owE&feature=email I don't know if that link will work, I'll fix it later. You can just search YouTube for "dvda man song" or some such.

Disclaimer: I'm not making fun of people named Maynard. Your name might be Maynard and it might not. What I mean to say is, don't get offended, lighten up, and yes I still do take it seriously.

Speaking of YouTube, when I first heard of YouTube (this is going back a number of years) I thought it would be spelled utube or utoob or even you2b. That was how they named everything in those dotcom days. But they actually spelled it out. Whodathunk

In other random news, this spell checker doesn't respect caps. So when I misspell a word that started with a cap and then click the right spelling, it replaces the word with an all lower version and I have to fix the cap. If you're reading this, Firefox people, here's a project for you.

Oh as for all that talk of plans, well, I woke up late. Missed the museum trip (which actually ended up being a NY Auto Show trip), missed the golf, but I caught the guys after the game and we chilled so that was good. I'm not much into golf anyway. I texted a buncha folks. Did call the LA guy in Florida, plan to meet up when he gets back. Went to the gym (did I mention my disappointment when I went on Sunday and found them closed for Easter? I think I did), but it was a short weak workout. My ipod battery dying in the middle didn't help any. Still, something is better than nothing, and it'll hopefully keep me conditioned enough to do a better workout tomorrow.

Oh, remember J from that circuit party? He finally answered me on socialnetworkplace. His boyfriend was hurt and sad about the whole thing, anyway too much drugs make you crazy (kids, just say no! Actually, I'm not one to talk. I said no to drugs, and look where it's gotten me ;) But the good news is he still wants to stay friends. Yay! Lol I'd basically given up even hearing from him anymore.

My menu has gone from whole wheat bread, eggs, tuna fish, bran cereal with milk, etc. to matzo, tongue, crumb cake, stuffed cabbage, nuts, and coconut macaroons. It's a little ridiculous.

I've been playing with a new toy all night. The Archos 5 media player. 160GB for roughly the price of a 16GB iPod Touch. The Archos is bigger (plus for larger screen, minus for added bulk), nice responsive touch screen

I decided I want to direct movies. Add that to the list after acting and singing and drawing. Actually, put it before those. But after writing.

Is it just me, or does more happen when I'm on vacation? Jai Ho!

People, Plans, Potatoes, and Perplex

So we relived the Jewish absquatulation from Egypt. We blessed the Sun, not the Son. We let the Christians bless the Son. We've put up with everything (everything meaning my gym) being closed while the Son is resurrected. Or in memory of the resurrection, may it come speedily in our days. Lent is over, the countdown to Pentecost is begun, after which the holy spirit will fall upon the Apostles, but never upon the Apostates--and it is curious how those two words are linked--and Moses will come down from mountain bearing two brilliant tablets and he will throw them to the ground and shatter them for his nation will have sinned with the Golden Calf. And then he will climb back up the mountain, but I digress.

I've met some great great people through that weekend, and hope to build several friendships with people I met there. But I'm not where they are at all. They are fighting hard to break their homosexual attractions. They are working to understand and/or explain away that part of them. They want to make it go away.

Their voyage is one of self discovery, of pain, of endurance, of courage. My journey has been one of pleasure, existentialism, and fantasy, of settling for what comes easily, what comes naturally. Who's right? I don't know. Or I'm not ready to say I know. And there may not be one right answer for everybody.

I'm thinking about doing the therapy thing again. I met some people who feel it helped them. My experience hasn't been as positive, but I'm at a different place now.

Tonight was pretty amazing. Got a massage, but that was silly and of little value. The things should have warning stickers that say: This is nonsense. Anyway, I met this guy for the third time. This time we went to his place. It was exciting. So much fun. I'm still a little confused about how that whole thing is going. Where it is going, more like. And I wish he didn't smoke. But all in all, it's good times!

I spoke to the guy from LA who's with his family in Florida. Sometimes it seems everybody's traveling but me. Another friend just went to Orlando for the weekend, too. I'm just rambling now about the human contact I've had lately, trying to convince myself I have friends. Maybe one day I will. :) I spoke to him, and him, and maybe we'll get together tomorrow for some golf. Or maybe I'll go with my family to a museum. I should also call her. She's awesome. We should hang out some more. And maybe I'll get in touch with "the kitchen guy" and the other one who wrote the book. And that friend who's apartment searching. Omg, and the one who went to Israel for the holidays. Man, if I kept up with all the people I'm supposed to be keeping up with it would be a full time job.

But then I ask myself, do I care? Do I care about these people. I'm too tired to continue this post right now. It's some food for thought. And food is good cuz it's Pesach (Passover) and satisfying food is hard to come by. Matzo seems to blow up your stomach and make you fat without feeling completely satisfying. Over and out.

Oh, P.S. Observe and Report is the worst movie ever.

The Repeal of the Repeal

I'm not a big fan of smoking, but I don't support Prohibition either. Well, Congress moved forward towards a second Prohibition era--for smoking instead of alcohol. (Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act)

GIVE Act

An example of irresponsible legislation. More on this later. Just one note for now: I'm shocked by the way the Act desecrates the memory of what happened on September 11, 2001.

Third of EMS Stethoscopes Carry MRSA Virus

Be sure to ask your doctor about his/her equipment sanitization policies. (U.S. News)

A day of planning vs a fortnight of wandering

I filed my first tax return. The IRS penalized me about $4000 for not making a baby yet. What are you supposed to do when you get such mixed messages from the government? On the one hand they wage a heavy-duty pro-abstinence campaign, and on the other they serve up tax penalties for not knocking a chick up.

Work's been slow. I have a lot to do, but it's taking forever and there are deadlines coming up and it's just going nowhere. Let me organize a little.

1. Topic
2. Problem/Where we are today
3. End-state/Where we want to be
4. Solution Options/How can we get there

See how simple that was. Ok, TD now how are you going to tackle each step?

1. Topic - explain what we're talking about
2. Problem - gather information from trade pubs, reports, articles, etc about how things are going currently
3. End-state - This is going to come from sources that discuss the utopia of perfect harmony. This step DOES NOT CARE what is possible. Only what is good.
4. Solutions - What alternatives are being proposed that can move us closer from stage 1 to stage 2? How might the gap between the current state and the utopia be narrowed? List at least 5 possible alternatives. NOW, we are not so much interested in which one is best, but which is most feasible/likely to happen.
5. The people involved/needed in implementation should be a part of this step.
   
6. Aftermath. What does the landscape look like after the proposed solutions have been put into place? Where is there an opportunity in that landscape?

Yay! Now I know it's possible. Just gotta slog through it. Psst, TD. SMILE.

Random Musing

I second guess myself constantly. Everything I think or say or do that is honest, I second guess. Only when I shut off my thinking, shut off my feeling, live superficially and just do the most expedient thing do I have relief from the eternal second guessing. Isn't that crazy?

Anonymity Is Not Sufficient For Privacy

Went to the gym for a couple miles, then rushed to get ready. Ended up just tossing tons of stuff (that I didn't need - while forgetting other things I should have brought) into a knapsack and some plastic bags and dumping it into a borrowed car (thanks for the borrowed car). Drove out there, careful to drive only a couple miles over the speed limit until I realized I was a dreadful drag on traffic. Of course, the moment I speed up till I'm following the car in front of me the state trooper behind me flips on his flashers.

Anyway, I got there only a few hours late, which is to say, right on time. There was an air of the tribal about it. I shut off my cell phone, put away my watch, and all the accoutrements of modern life for a weekend of mystery, where strangers can turn into trusted friends, the past can become the present, the future is born.

The leaders gave it a narrow scope. They organized much of the concept about one principle. I resisted that. I preferred to broaden its reach. I saw an exploration of alternative possibilities. It presented a new dynamic. Now I need to take the message and integrate it, digest it, see what nutrients I've ingested.

For many participants, these 48 hours changed their lives.

I see one giant mass of humanity. Chop it up, and you'll find lots of little pieces of humanity. Some hold great beauty; others, not so much. All (or most) yearn for connection. Each is attracted to connect to those shards of humanity in which they see beauty or other values.

But what if there were 2 distinct masses of humanity, hovering apart, a male mass with one set of characteristics, and a second, female mass with a different set of characteristics. Chop up the male mass and you'll find lots of little pieces of male. They fit together in emotional ways and various physical ways but they don't fit together sexually.

If you chop up the female mass, you'll get lots of little female pieces. They are somehow inferior, needy. They want to connect with one of the little shards of male.

Okay, I prima facie reject this view because it doesn't hold up to the standards of intellectual rigor, or at least wasn't presented that way. However, it doesn't have to be right to be a fascinating way of looking at things. It is a piece of art, the construct, and its value can be appreciated irrespective of its truth value. And so I do appreciate it. I want to use it in ways that will better life and enhance it, not sacrifice ideals of equality and respect.

At any rate, this isn't what we discussed over the weekend. It's just some thoughts bouncing around in my head that were somehow conjured up in its aftermath.

A lot of people commented that this was the best weekend of their lives. The experience of each person was different, born of his own mind. It really put people in touch with themselves. It reconnected me with an innocence lost.

I haven't been able to set into writing what I mean. I said I wouldn't talk about it. I hope to make this whole post a little clearer as time goes on, but I wanted to get some comments up so we'll have something to work with.

I Hate The New Facebook

The "new Facebook" looks and feels really thin, really empty of value compared to the older versions. The site has gone from connecting people to running long streams of verbal vomit that really aren't associated anymore with the people they are supposed to represent. And then there's the mountain of advertising scattered all around all mixed up with the content.

Facebook users are getting fed up and will leave. This message is posted here and not on Facebook because joining a Facebook group called "We Hate The New Facebook" sends the message that we're still here anyway. Well, we're not. If the company doesn't find a way to fix itself up, it's only a matter of time before some competing site starts making those improvements and stealing traffic away. This will be sad, because it will take a long time to build the type of critical mass Facebook has acheived and the world will lose the best "small-world" tool since email or the telephone book.

Somewhat Redacted But Still So Revealing

Wow wow wow! My mind is still spinning. The city's sexiest circuit party was off the wall. I got there just after midnight. Yeah, the train ran local and cost me 15 minutes. I almost missed the discount window and didn't want to pay full price, but luckily a security guard was kind enough to tell the ticket clerk that the line was down the block and even if I got on line by midnight I wouldn't have reached the counter till then. Yay!

So I got in and tried to find my friend. Walked all around the place. It was still early, not too crowded yet. Went to the bathroom, washing my hands our eyes met in the mirror--a cute boy from the South. We introduced ourselves--and then he introduced me to him boyfriend. Oh well, I thought. More on him later. So back to the dance floor for a few beats, tried again to contact my friend. Was almost ready to give up and head downtown for a karaoke party a couple of my friends were going to, figure the party is going on all night and most of the next day. I could miss a few hours and come back. But after I went outside I finally got in touch with my friend I was supposed to meet. We met up and danced for a while. Then he had this idea to go flirt with random ugly people! We made a whirlwind tour of the enormous dance floor, him flirting up half of it, me too shy to join in. I guess that's how he warms up--flirt with people you aren't interested in so when the one you are comes along you know what you're doing. Finally, he had enough turning on the poor old men and found a cute guy to make out with. I left the lovebirds to go find some action of my own.

So I come across Mr. South with his boyfriend again. They're both shirtless, J is in a pair of assless chaps, revealing his cute bubble butt. We started a three-way make-out session, mouth to mouth to mouth. Turns out the boyfriend, O, is a better kisser than J but J's cuteness factor more than made up for it. So commenced the difficult chore of making sure no one feels like a third wheel. Lol. All chores should be so fun! O went off at some point to look for drugs. Couldn't find any. Was he blind? It wasn't hard. Even I could have told him where to look, and I'm the kinda guy who hears "X, X, anybody want some X?" and thinks "Maybe I should call security?" Anyway, there were so much drugs, weed, poppers, who knows what I think I got high just from breathing the air.

O returned to find some guy blowing his boyfriend. He wasn't too pleased. He shooed the guy away and we started making out again. At some point J got me half undressed. Then he wanted to go into the back room where people were touching and fucking and blowing and everything just completely random dark sweaty anonymous mass ceiling dripping. O said no. He tried to impress upon him that 1 in 4 has an STD and there's no reason to go into such a situation when he could easily pick up a real person, a cute clean real person instead of going into that anonymous ugly mess. But J was steadfast. From Southeastern college town to the craziest circuit party in New York City, he wasn't about to miss out on the action. Always has to be clean and proper? Sometimes the boys just wanna get down and play. Rough and dirty steamy sweaty seething all that attention hands feeling groping moving everywhere nothing sacred lose yourself. His boyfriend wouldn't have it. I just felt bad watching them fight. At a party. Come on, have fun! I actually kinda sided with O, but I stayed out of their marital affairs. I do hear both sides. When J went in, he told me he was in heaven. He loved it. One guy sucking his dick, another hand there another dick there, a dick in his mouth, another next to his face hands groping and cute little J, center of attention loved by the whole anonymous writhing multitude. O went to get their coats and wait in the lobby. He must have gotten tired of waiting and went back to their hotel. Which left J without a coat, but that's later.

I followed J into the back room. He asked me if I saw anything I liked. I looked at him, held him, said I'm looking at it, holding it. You're the only thing in this back room mess I want. I wouldn't even be here if you hadn't insisted. But no one person (or even two) could satisfy his craving. He need a massively multi-player game. I didn't know what to do. I just kept my zipper up as hands reached to tug it open. We finally reached a quieter corner and started getting it on, but then other people intruded. But while I was annoyed, he welcomed the intrusions, wanted a piece of it all. So I buttoned up and let him take it. Felt like a man watching his wife get raped while he was tied up. And I just met J. I can only imagine how awful O felt back at his hotel. J offered to blow me, but as much as I wanted his mouth on me, I couldn't let him do it after he'd just eaten some other random dick.

Finally, we emerged. I held him tight. I wondered what he was feeling. He seemed shaken up. I think part of him loved it, part of him thought he'd gone too far. He went down to the lobby to find O. His boyfriend had already left. I started walking him back to his hotel. He had no shirt. It was already morning, the sun was up. His ass was bare. He got a lot of attention from the party boys, walking down the street like that. But this is New York, most people wouldn't even notice. Another guy walking back had a car, offered us a ride. It was chilly, we were grateful to get in a car for the 4 blocks. I said goodbye to J at his hotel and went back to the party. I hope he can work things out with O and it doesn't get too messy between them.

Back on the dance floor I met V. Major cutie. We tore it up for some time, wound up in a bathroom stall for a sexy session, danced some more. When he left, I went and got my coat, ready to leave, but I just couldn't do it. Something kept drawing me back. Was it the great house music? Those tribal beats? The porn show? The laser light show? No, actually his name was A. You might remember him from that diner next to the club. (I think I called him by a different name in that post, just because I had written about another "A" in that one). So, in a kind of a daze now, after 9 hours of crazy partying and probably rolling on the "perfumed" air of the club, I wandered about taking it all in. I met up with a party promoter who had been working there as a bartender. Thought I'd hang out with him a bit, but he might have been to much about that thing that thing tha-at thi-i-i-ing. Oh hell, so am I. I found A coming out of a bathroom stall with a buddy. I loved the way he reached right for my crotch. That sexy thing. He was wearing really loose jeans that were slipping halfway down his ass, pretty much revealing the whole perfect thing. And shirtless, of course, as were most of the people there. Great body. But he wasn't that interested I guess. His friend was a bit more interested and we danced a little, but then he went to look for A and I didn't see him anymore.

Now it's really time to go. But that other cute dancer from the club is here in his Ginch Gonch underwear. I just had to go over and give him a compliment. Way out of character, but something I should do more often. Gotta give more compliments. Then I saw Y, he was leaving, and I went out with him and his friend. They took a cab and I got in the subway. The train said it was express, the electronic display showed only express stops. I could have sworn the conductor announced it was going express. But it made the local stops. Unless I fell asleep and dreamt that I was on a train making local stops. At last, I was home. Happy. Content. Satisfied. Hungry. Eager for more.

Ideology of Insurance Regulation

"Insurance is about the accurate pricing of risk." Jane Orient in The New American

So take 10,000 people, each with a 1% chance of incurring a $10,000 charge. You'll probably end up with about 100 people suffering the charge, or about 1 million dollars of pooled risk. If you charge $100 to each of the 10,000 people you can protect everyone from a devastating $10,000 charge with a relatively affordable premium. You might tack on about $5 a piece for your profits.

This is insurance. You knew that already, I know. The punchline is that each person effectively pays for his own risk. That is, if the risk wheel were spun over and over, the amount each person pays as a result of incurring the fees would about equal their premiums.

On the other hand, when you pool people with different levels of know risk and charge everyone similar premiums, you are no longer selling a true insurance product according to Dr. Orient's definition. Take 10,000 people. 5000 have a .5% chance of incurring the $10,000 charge. 5000 have a 2% chance of incurring the same charge. Overall, you have about a million dollars of risk in the group. But if you charge each a $100 premium, you're effectively overcharging those with lower risk and undercharging those with higher risk.

The question becomes: Is this fair?

• Makes insurance affordable for high-risk individuals
• Unfairly penalizes low-risk individuals. In fact, it effectively takes a valuable product off the market.
  

Just. Shut. Up.

The saga continues. I went to a few cool parties. Met some cute guys. The pool party was amazing. Terrific vibe. Really fun, hot crowd. So many cuties there I felt intimidated and didn't know who to approach. After, went with a couple guys to another bar, ended up crashing at someone's apartment with a really cute boy. Was tons of fun but alas the guy hasn't responded to communication since then. Sigh.

Green Energy

I'm bored. Things just stay the same, no excitement
I miss leisure
I miss love
I miss all the things I have

A Wonderful Night Sans Alcohol (Well, Maybe a Little...)

To drink or not to drink. Well, while I was trying to make up my mind, I saw L. Went and danced with him a little, noticed H. Told him I was here with my friend L, and L and I went to a different part of the room. Soon H came over, and the three of us were dancing together. Then L asked if I wanted to go to another party, which I wasn't really interested in so he left, I was with H when one of a couple next to us started looking at me like he was really interested in me. H encouraged me to go over to him but first, I wasn't interested in the guy and second, he was with someone else. Eventually, the guy inches closer and starts holding my hand. I think his boyfriend must be blind or drugged or I don't know. It was weird. After a while they move off. I find R. He's really cute. Closing time. I go with A to the diner for breakfast. A is annoyed that I didn't call him or spend time with him earlier. I understand. But he still wants to take me home. A bunch of us sitting at the diner. Someone keeps commenting on how cute a couple A and I make and wonders if we're dating. A, still a bit upset I didn't ask him out, maintains that he's never seen me before. But we're bad actors. The guys at the table see something between us. The thing is, the uber-cutie in the booth behind us is winking my way and blowing kisses. Does he mean it or is he playing? I blow back. At some point A notices and expresses his disapproval. When A goes to the bathroom, I get N's number.

I know, it sounds like I'm a really bad guy. I'm not really. It's just the craziness of the way things work out sometimes. Anyway, by now L must be back in Hollywood. R and N most likely won't answer my calls or texts. A likely still feels how he feels and I'm still unable to tell him how I feel about him. Hopefully I'll see him soon. I think H likes me, and he's very cute, but something about the chemistry, I don't know, I don't feel it clicking. D texted me to go out last night. I said I couldn't make it. Tomorrow, I'm supposed to go to a birthday party for C, and her friend E is sure to be there. I haven't heard from her all week, so that should be interesting.

I'm writing all this I guess to try to convince myself that I actually have a social life or am desirable or something. I don't know. I'm &%#$-ing delusional. I saw Babel the other day. I was thinking it's a good movie, but then--it ended--and didn't say anything or go anywhere. It was cool jumping from San Diego to Morocco to Mexico to Japan, but then Japan didn't tie into the other stories and it kinda fell apart. And there's always the nagging question when you watch movies about these wildly different exotic cultures: is it realistic? Are they really like that? Maybe I should go see for myself. And so the wanderlust is stoked...

Twitter Style Guide - As If

This is stupid Twitter should go in the trash heap of bad dot-coms along with Second Life and [I'm too lazy to flesh out this list with other examples right now].

Oh it was Microsoft!

One thing I didn't understand for a long time about the new netbooks that are all the rage: Why do they all come with only 1GB of RAM? The screens have gotten better on new models over the past several months. The hard drives have gotten bigger. Intel just released a faster processor that many manufacturers plan to include in new models. Prices have dropped. In short, netbooks have been obeying Moore's law. Except when it comes to RAM. The machine all seem capped at 1GB of RAM. For $20 to $50 they could add a gig or two of RAM and improve performance so much. What's holding them back?

And then I found the answer: Microsoft. The Evil Empire refuses to sell Windows XP to anyone under 21 on any machine that meets certain specs. If you're powerful enough to run the bloated ugly OS (Vista) you have to use it. So manufacturers keep the machines below the limits in order to license XP.

And that's not all. The Evil Empire has also bullied HP and others into pulling their Linux-based netbooks.

Random Musings, Trends I'm Seeing

The decline of House. Disappointed that the writers had to turn to unblinding 13's study. Guess after 100 episodes, its kinda hard to find good new material and the thing is getting old.

Drugs are making major comeback on the streets of New York! I was offered weed, coke, E, and more at least 4 times by 3 different people in one weekend. Welcome to the new New York. A world of opportunity.

Girls hitting on me?

Ahh the Superbowl. Last year at the game I met the love of my life, or, at least a few months... Can you believe I sent an anniversary gift even though we stopped seeing each other ages ago? I wonder how he'll take it... And this year I met someone else; reminds me of that Sex and the City episode where she's dating this guy and asks about his previous relationships and he goes, "Well there was Cathy, Linda, Mark..." "Mark!"