Safe Eyes filter found leading cause of depression in US teens*

"Parental controls on children's Internet browsing can have the effect of isolating them from social peers, as well as generating feelings of helplessness, alienation, and low self-esteem," explains one depressed Safe Eyes sufferer. "Web filtering software and other content blockers could leave harmful psychological effects."

"Content filtering is a like potent drug," the boy's doctor said. "It can be expected to come along with with some side effects. Parents need to be made aware of that."

"We'll protect our kids even if it kills them," asserts a NetNanny mother from Oklahoma in response to critics. ['Cuz after all, safe dead kids are better than healthy but endangered ones. Oh wait, let me double check that...]

BLACK BOX WARNING**: The Safe Eyes internet filter and other web filtering software has been shown to cause serious adverse effects in some children, adolescents, and adults. Possible reactions include, but are not limited to, headache, nausea, fatigue, depression, family arguments, suicidal ideations, and attempted suicide. If you or anyone you know has been exposed to Safe Eyes, care should be taken to monitor for signs of illness and call your doctor immediately if condition worsens or does not improve after 3 days.

How to protect yourself:
Do not purchase or install Safe Eyes or similar software. In case of accidental ingestion, remove the program using the included uninstaller and then wipe your hard drive and reinstall Windows.*** Better yet, just buy a new computer. Safe Eyes is highly infectious and probably contaminated your entire system. Stay far away. If you are unsure how to proceed, call your Poison Control Center immediately.

In all seriousness, I personally have struggled with internet-filter-onset depression. And I mean clinical Depression. Caused by idiotic meddling in my personal freedom. Anyone who has read this blog knows how dead serious I'm being when I say if I die in the near future, the most likely cause will be related to internet filtering and monitoring.**** People think this is an innocuous way to "protect kids from the dangers of the internet". Think again. It's not innocuous at all. Young peoples' lives revolve around modern technology, like it or not. Learn to deal, OK? Place too many limits on how people can live and they'll realize they just don't want to. Not like that.

*Okay, so I don't have scientific studies to back this up - yet. I do have anecdotal evidence, though. I have my personal feelings.

**This Black Box Warning has not been evaluated or approved by the FDA. It is merely my suggestion for what might be added to notify parents of the risks "child safety" filters entail.

***This should not be taken as professional IT advice. If you or someone you know has this problem, please consult a competent IT professional for advice. My purpose here is just to encourage people to think about the possible negative effects this software may have.

**** In case you were wondering, the good news is it didn't kill me. See 8/17/09 update.