Life Kills

I feel cut off, but at least that means I feel. I feel like shit, but by that thread I feel alive. I had died for so long. I want to meet with people I love and discuss literature, art, movies, feelings. I want to stop being alone. I called in sick at work today. My boss is still away camping, another co-worker on vacation in Florida so I don't know if this was a good time to leave because everyone else is out anyway or if I was supposed to be there to cover. Probably the former, because I don't actually cover for anyone else anyway, just do my own thing. But maybe I'll lose my job over this. Who knows.

The day off allowed me to start thinking; I'm usually just too busy to think about my life. The conclusion is it's rotten. It's empty. Couple days ago I was hangin with a friend (LA Guy) and we saw this cute guy by himself, waiting for his friend apparently. LA Guy called him over and the three of us were chatting. I would have never just gone over to the guy and struck up a conversation myself, too shy. My friend seemed interested in this guy, but in the end I went home with him. LA Guy wasn't thrilled about that. I'll probably ask the guy out next weekend. He probably won't respond to my messages. Oh well. As the popular buzzword goes today, FML. Then went out to a place in Williamsburg the other night, another cute boy came home with me. Yay me. It keeps me alive. But it's only life support. I need something to get me off life support and really living.

I haven't written much lately. And what I write nobody reads. And what they read, it has no impact. I'm invisible. Stop smirking, you're invisible too! Automatons. All of us. FOL. They put a new filter on the computers at work. Facebook is blocked. Now I might as well have no friends.