Friday, April 21, 2006

Queer Boy in a Straight World: Fragments from Spring Break

I just got back home and my heart feels like a roller-coaster. It was a great few days. Nice place. Basketball court, small swimming pool but placed right in the middle of the lobby! The food was good. The rooms were decent, the weather was absolutely gorgeous. The company was good: There were a couple of cute guys and a few girls that made me feel almost hetero. One guy I met was simply a g-d. About 18, tall, slender, mouthwatering. I hung out in the lobby for hours just to be near him while he played billiards or ping-pong. Actually, he taught me to play pool. It was hard to concentrate on the game and what he was saying instead of on his body and his sweet voice. I kept undressing him in my mind and imagining his candy ass. I wanted him so bad. How do I approach a guy like that? I mean if he’s not gay, and I tell him I am, things could get so awkward. Especially since I’m reluctant to “come out” in public.

Hey, I know what you're thinking, but I'm not just after "that thing, that thing, that thi-i-i-ing." I wanted a caring relationship. You don't believe me. Anyway, I also met his sister. She is a real charmer. Very pretty and well-dressed, but I was so taken in by her smile and vivacious personality I totally forgot to really check her out. She'd sit there on the sofa with her boyfriend flirting with every boy in the hotel. I don't know how he put up with it, but I guess he knew she was his and it was worth it. She wanted to see this other cute guy's six pack and had him take off his shirt. Then she had him do it again for me because I had missed it. He did it right there in the middle of the hotel lobby! (It was about
3:00 AM
) I was loving it, but also disappointed thinking it probably won't go anywhere with any of them. I am so awkward socially. And so shy. I hoped the wine and vodka would help, but it wasn't enough to break me out of my shell. I am so diffident (look it up; I did) that enough booze to really loosen me up is enough to make me sick. It was fun, but it also seemed an opportunity lost, which breaks me and makes me feel sad.

On a side note, it seemed something of an international gathering: Americans, Canadians, Israelis, Texans, etc. Yah, I think Texas is its own country. :-) I hope I'll meet up with these people again sometime.

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