People, Plans, Potatoes, and Perplex

So we relived the Jewish absquatulation from Egypt. We blessed the Sun, not the Son. We let the Christians bless the Son. We've put up with everything (everything meaning my gym) being closed while the Son is resurrected. Or in memory of the resurrection, may it come speedily in our days. Lent is over, the countdown to Pentecost is begun, after which the holy spirit will fall upon the Apostles, but never upon the Apostates--and it is curious how those two words are linked--and Moses will come down from mountain bearing two brilliant tablets and he will throw them to the ground and shatter them for his nation will have sinned with the Golden Calf. And then he will climb back up the mountain, but I digress.

I've met some great great people through that weekend, and hope to build several friendships with people I met there. But I'm not where they are at all. They are fighting hard to break their homosexual attractions. They are working to understand and/or explain away that part of them. They want to make it go away.

Their voyage is one of self discovery, of pain, of endurance, of courage. My journey has been one of pleasure, existentialism, and fantasy, of settling for what comes easily, what comes naturally. Who's right? I don't know. Or I'm not ready to say I know. And there may not be one right answer for everybody.

I'm thinking about doing the therapy thing again. I met some people who feel it helped them. My experience hasn't been as positive, but I'm at a different place now.

Tonight was pretty amazing. Got a massage, but that was silly and of little value. The things should have warning stickers that say: This is nonsense. Anyway, I met this guy for the third time. This time we went to his place. It was exciting. So much fun. I'm still a little confused about how that whole thing is going. Where it is going, more like. And I wish he didn't smoke. But all in all, it's good times!

I spoke to the guy from LA who's with his family in Florida. Sometimes it seems everybody's traveling but me. Another friend just went to Orlando for the weekend, too. I'm just rambling now about the human contact I've had lately, trying to convince myself I have friends. Maybe one day I will. :) I spoke to him, and him, and maybe we'll get together tomorrow for some golf. Or maybe I'll go with my family to a museum. I should also call her. She's awesome. We should hang out some more. And maybe I'll get in touch with "the kitchen guy" and the other one who wrote the book. And that friend who's apartment searching. Omg, and the one who went to Israel for the holidays. Man, if I kept up with all the people I'm supposed to be keeping up with it would be a full time job.

But then I ask myself, do I care? Do I care about these people. I'm too tired to continue this post right now. It's some food for thought. And food is good cuz it's Pesach (Passover) and satisfying food is hard to come by. Matzo seems to blow up your stomach and make you fat without feeling completely satisfying. Over and out.

Oh, P.S. Observe and Report is the worst movie ever.

The Repeal of the Repeal

I'm not a big fan of smoking, but I don't support Prohibition either. Well, Congress moved forward towards a second Prohibition era--for smoking instead of alcohol. (Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act)

GIVE Act

An example of irresponsible legislation. More on this later. Just one note for now: I'm shocked by the way the Act desecrates the memory of what happened on September 11, 2001.

Third of EMS Stethoscopes Carry MRSA Virus

Be sure to ask your doctor about his/her equipment sanitization policies. (U.S. News)

A day of planning vs a fortnight of wandering

I filed my first tax return. The IRS penalized me about $4000 for not making a baby yet. What are you supposed to do when you get such mixed messages from the government? On the one hand they wage a heavy-duty pro-abstinence campaign, and on the other they serve up tax penalties for not knocking a chick up.

Work's been slow. I have a lot to do, but it's taking forever and there are deadlines coming up and it's just going nowhere. Let me organize a little.

1. Topic
2. Problem/Where we are today
3. End-state/Where we want to be
4. Solution Options/How can we get there

See how simple that was. Ok, TD now how are you going to tackle each step?

1. Topic - explain what we're talking about
2. Problem - gather information from trade pubs, reports, articles, etc about how things are going currently
3. End-state - This is going to come from sources that discuss the utopia of perfect harmony. This step DOES NOT CARE what is possible. Only what is good.
4. Solutions - What alternatives are being proposed that can move us closer from stage 1 to stage 2? How might the gap between the current state and the utopia be narrowed? List at least 5 possible alternatives. NOW, we are not so much interested in which one is best, but which is most feasible/likely to happen.
5. The people involved/needed in implementation should be a part of this step.
   
6. Aftermath. What does the landscape look like after the proposed solutions have been put into place? Where is there an opportunity in that landscape?

Yay! Now I know it's possible. Just gotta slog through it. Psst, TD. SMILE.

Random Musing

I second guess myself constantly. Everything I think or say or do that is honest, I second guess. Only when I shut off my thinking, shut off my feeling, live superficially and just do the most expedient thing do I have relief from the eternal second guessing. Isn't that crazy?

Anonymity Is Not Sufficient For Privacy

Went to the gym for a couple miles, then rushed to get ready. Ended up just tossing tons of stuff (that I didn't need - while forgetting other things I should have brought) into a knapsack and some plastic bags and dumping it into a borrowed car (thanks for the borrowed car). Drove out there, careful to drive only a couple miles over the speed limit until I realized I was a dreadful drag on traffic. Of course, the moment I speed up till I'm following the car in front of me the state trooper behind me flips on his flashers.

Anyway, I got there only a few hours late, which is to say, right on time. There was an air of the tribal about it. I shut off my cell phone, put away my watch, and all the accoutrements of modern life for a weekend of mystery, where strangers can turn into trusted friends, the past can become the present, the future is born.

The leaders gave it a narrow scope. They organized much of the concept about one principle. I resisted that. I preferred to broaden its reach. I saw an exploration of alternative possibilities. It presented a new dynamic. Now I need to take the message and integrate it, digest it, see what nutrients I've ingested.

For many participants, these 48 hours changed their lives.

I see one giant mass of humanity. Chop it up, and you'll find lots of little pieces of humanity. Some hold great beauty; others, not so much. All (or most) yearn for connection. Each is attracted to connect to those shards of humanity in which they see beauty or other values.

But what if there were 2 distinct masses of humanity, hovering apart, a male mass with one set of characteristics, and a second, female mass with a different set of characteristics. Chop up the male mass and you'll find lots of little pieces of male. They fit together in emotional ways and various physical ways but they don't fit together sexually.

If you chop up the female mass, you'll get lots of little female pieces. They are somehow inferior, needy. They want to connect with one of the little shards of male.

Okay, I prima facie reject this view because it doesn't hold up to the standards of intellectual rigor, or at least wasn't presented that way. However, it doesn't have to be right to be a fascinating way of looking at things. It is a piece of art, the construct, and its value can be appreciated irrespective of its truth value. And so I do appreciate it. I want to use it in ways that will better life and enhance it, not sacrifice ideals of equality and respect.

At any rate, this isn't what we discussed over the weekend. It's just some thoughts bouncing around in my head that were somehow conjured up in its aftermath.

A lot of people commented that this was the best weekend of their lives. The experience of each person was different, born of his own mind. It really put people in touch with themselves. It reconnected me with an innocence lost.

I haven't been able to set into writing what I mean. I said I wouldn't talk about it. I hope to make this whole post a little clearer as time goes on, but I wanted to get some comments up so we'll have something to work with.

I Hate The New Facebook

The "new Facebook" looks and feels really thin, really empty of value compared to the older versions. The site has gone from connecting people to running long streams of verbal vomit that really aren't associated anymore with the people they are supposed to represent. And then there's the mountain of advertising scattered all around all mixed up with the content.

Facebook users are getting fed up and will leave. This message is posted here and not on Facebook because joining a Facebook group called "We Hate The New Facebook" sends the message that we're still here anyway. Well, we're not. If the company doesn't find a way to fix itself up, it's only a matter of time before some competing site starts making those improvements and stealing traffic away. This will be sad, because it will take a long time to build the type of critical mass Facebook has acheived and the world will lose the best "small-world" tool since email or the telephone book.

Somewhat Redacted But Still So Revealing

Wow wow wow! My mind is still spinning. The city's sexiest circuit party was off the wall. I got there just after midnight. Yeah, the train ran local and cost me 15 minutes. I almost missed the discount window and didn't want to pay full price, but luckily a security guard was kind enough to tell the ticket clerk that the line was down the block and even if I got on line by midnight I wouldn't have reached the counter till then. Yay!

So I got in and tried to find my friend. Walked all around the place. It was still early, not too crowded yet. Went to the bathroom, washing my hands our eyes met in the mirror--a cute boy from the South. We introduced ourselves--and then he introduced me to him boyfriend. Oh well, I thought. More on him later. So back to the dance floor for a few beats, tried again to contact my friend. Was almost ready to give up and head downtown for a karaoke party a couple of my friends were going to, figure the party is going on all night and most of the next day. I could miss a few hours and come back. But after I went outside I finally got in touch with my friend I was supposed to meet. We met up and danced for a while. Then he had this idea to go flirt with random ugly people! We made a whirlwind tour of the enormous dance floor, him flirting up half of it, me too shy to join in. I guess that's how he warms up--flirt with people you aren't interested in so when the one you are comes along you know what you're doing. Finally, he had enough turning on the poor old men and found a cute guy to make out with. I left the lovebirds to go find some action of my own.

So I come across Mr. South with his boyfriend again. They're both shirtless, J is in a pair of assless chaps, revealing his cute bubble butt. We started a three-way make-out session, mouth to mouth to mouth. Turns out the boyfriend, O, is a better kisser than J but J's cuteness factor more than made up for it. So commenced the difficult chore of making sure no one feels like a third wheel. Lol. All chores should be so fun! O went off at some point to look for drugs. Couldn't find any. Was he blind? It wasn't hard. Even I could have told him where to look, and I'm the kinda guy who hears "X, X, anybody want some X?" and thinks "Maybe I should call security?" Anyway, there were so much drugs, weed, poppers, who knows what I think I got high just from breathing the air.

O returned to find some guy blowing his boyfriend. He wasn't too pleased. He shooed the guy away and we started making out again. At some point J got me half undressed. Then he wanted to go into the back room where people were touching and fucking and blowing and everything just completely random dark sweaty anonymous mass ceiling dripping. O said no. He tried to impress upon him that 1 in 4 has an STD and there's no reason to go into such a situation when he could easily pick up a real person, a cute clean real person instead of going into that anonymous ugly mess. But J was steadfast. From Southeastern college town to the craziest circuit party in New York City, he wasn't about to miss out on the action. Always has to be clean and proper? Sometimes the boys just wanna get down and play. Rough and dirty steamy sweaty seething all that attention hands feeling groping moving everywhere nothing sacred lose yourself. His boyfriend wouldn't have it. I just felt bad watching them fight. At a party. Come on, have fun! I actually kinda sided with O, but I stayed out of their marital affairs. I do hear both sides. When J went in, he told me he was in heaven. He loved it. One guy sucking his dick, another hand there another dick there, a dick in his mouth, another next to his face hands groping and cute little J, center of attention loved by the whole anonymous writhing multitude. O went to get their coats and wait in the lobby. He must have gotten tired of waiting and went back to their hotel. Which left J without a coat, but that's later.

I followed J into the back room. He asked me if I saw anything I liked. I looked at him, held him, said I'm looking at it, holding it. You're the only thing in this back room mess I want. I wouldn't even be here if you hadn't insisted. But no one person (or even two) could satisfy his craving. He need a massively multi-player game. I didn't know what to do. I just kept my zipper up as hands reached to tug it open. We finally reached a quieter corner and started getting it on, but then other people intruded. But while I was annoyed, he welcomed the intrusions, wanted a piece of it all. So I buttoned up and let him take it. Felt like a man watching his wife get raped while he was tied up. And I just met J. I can only imagine how awful O felt back at his hotel. J offered to blow me, but as much as I wanted his mouth on me, I couldn't let him do it after he'd just eaten some other random dick.

Finally, we emerged. I held him tight. I wondered what he was feeling. He seemed shaken up. I think part of him loved it, part of him thought he'd gone too far. He went down to the lobby to find O. His boyfriend had already left. I started walking him back to his hotel. He had no shirt. It was already morning, the sun was up. His ass was bare. He got a lot of attention from the party boys, walking down the street like that. But this is New York, most people wouldn't even notice. Another guy walking back had a car, offered us a ride. It was chilly, we were grateful to get in a car for the 4 blocks. I said goodbye to J at his hotel and went back to the party. I hope he can work things out with O and it doesn't get too messy between them.

Back on the dance floor I met V. Major cutie. We tore it up for some time, wound up in a bathroom stall for a sexy session, danced some more. When he left, I went and got my coat, ready to leave, but I just couldn't do it. Something kept drawing me back. Was it the great house music? Those tribal beats? The porn show? The laser light show? No, actually his name was A. You might remember him from that diner next to the club. (I think I called him by a different name in that post, just because I had written about another "A" in that one). So, in a kind of a daze now, after 9 hours of crazy partying and probably rolling on the "perfumed" air of the club, I wandered about taking it all in. I met up with a party promoter who had been working there as a bartender. Thought I'd hang out with him a bit, but he might have been to much about that thing that thing tha-at thi-i-i-ing. Oh hell, so am I. I found A coming out of a bathroom stall with a buddy. I loved the way he reached right for my crotch. That sexy thing. He was wearing really loose jeans that were slipping halfway down his ass, pretty much revealing the whole perfect thing. And shirtless, of course, as were most of the people there. Great body. But he wasn't that interested I guess. His friend was a bit more interested and we danced a little, but then he went to look for A and I didn't see him anymore.

Now it's really time to go. But that other cute dancer from the club is here in his Ginch Gonch underwear. I just had to go over and give him a compliment. Way out of character, but something I should do more often. Gotta give more compliments. Then I saw Y, he was leaving, and I went out with him and his friend. They took a cab and I got in the subway. The train said it was express, the electronic display showed only express stops. I could have sworn the conductor announced it was going express. But it made the local stops. Unless I fell asleep and dreamt that I was on a train making local stops. At last, I was home. Happy. Content. Satisfied. Hungry. Eager for more.

Ideology of Insurance Regulation

"Insurance is about the accurate pricing of risk." Jane Orient in The New American

So take 10,000 people, each with a 1% chance of incurring a $10,000 charge. You'll probably end up with about 100 people suffering the charge, or about 1 million dollars of pooled risk. If you charge $100 to each of the 10,000 people you can protect everyone from a devastating $10,000 charge with a relatively affordable premium. You might tack on about $5 a piece for your profits.

This is insurance. You knew that already, I know. The punchline is that each person effectively pays for his own risk. That is, if the risk wheel were spun over and over, the amount each person pays as a result of incurring the fees would about equal their premiums.

On the other hand, when you pool people with different levels of know risk and charge everyone similar premiums, you are no longer selling a true insurance product according to Dr. Orient's definition. Take 10,000 people. 5000 have a .5% chance of incurring the $10,000 charge. 5000 have a 2% chance of incurring the same charge. Overall, you have about a million dollars of risk in the group. But if you charge each a $100 premium, you're effectively overcharging those with lower risk and undercharging those with higher risk.

The question becomes: Is this fair?

• Makes insurance affordable for high-risk individuals
• Unfairly penalizes low-risk individuals. In fact, it effectively takes a valuable product off the market.
  

Just. Shut. Up.

The saga continues. I went to a few cool parties. Met some cute guys. The pool party was amazing. Terrific vibe. Really fun, hot crowd. So many cuties there I felt intimidated and didn't know who to approach. After, went with a couple guys to another bar, ended up crashing at someone's apartment with a really cute boy. Was tons of fun but alas the guy hasn't responded to communication since then. Sigh.

Green Energy

I'm bored. Things just stay the same, no excitement
I miss leisure
I miss love
I miss all the things I have

A Wonderful Night Sans Alcohol (Well, Maybe a Little...)

To drink or not to drink. Well, while I was trying to make up my mind, I saw L. Went and danced with him a little, noticed H. Told him I was here with my friend L, and L and I went to a different part of the room. Soon H came over, and the three of us were dancing together. Then L asked if I wanted to go to another party, which I wasn't really interested in so he left, I was with H when one of a couple next to us started looking at me like he was really interested in me. H encouraged me to go over to him but first, I wasn't interested in the guy and second, he was with someone else. Eventually, the guy inches closer and starts holding my hand. I think his boyfriend must be blind or drugged or I don't know. It was weird. After a while they move off. I find R. He's really cute. Closing time. I go with A to the diner for breakfast. A is annoyed that I didn't call him or spend time with him earlier. I understand. But he still wants to take me home. A bunch of us sitting at the diner. Someone keeps commenting on how cute a couple A and I make and wonders if we're dating. A, still a bit upset I didn't ask him out, maintains that he's never seen me before. But we're bad actors. The guys at the table see something between us. The thing is, the uber-cutie in the booth behind us is winking my way and blowing kisses. Does he mean it or is he playing? I blow back. At some point A notices and expresses his disapproval. When A goes to the bathroom, I get N's number.

I know, it sounds like I'm a really bad guy. I'm not really. It's just the craziness of the way things work out sometimes. Anyway, by now L must be back in Hollywood. R and N most likely won't answer my calls or texts. A likely still feels how he feels and I'm still unable to tell him how I feel about him. Hopefully I'll see him soon. I think H likes me, and he's very cute, but something about the chemistry, I don't know, I don't feel it clicking. D texted me to go out last night. I said I couldn't make it. Tomorrow, I'm supposed to go to a birthday party for C, and her friend E is sure to be there. I haven't heard from her all week, so that should be interesting.

I'm writing all this I guess to try to convince myself that I actually have a social life or am desirable or something. I don't know. I'm &%#$-ing delusional. I saw Babel the other day. I was thinking it's a good movie, but then--it ended--and didn't say anything or go anywhere. It was cool jumping from San Diego to Morocco to Mexico to Japan, but then Japan didn't tie into the other stories and it kinda fell apart. And there's always the nagging question when you watch movies about these wildly different exotic cultures: is it realistic? Are they really like that? Maybe I should go see for myself. And so the wanderlust is stoked...

Twitter Style Guide - As If

This is stupid Twitter should go in the trash heap of bad dot-coms along with Second Life and [I'm too lazy to flesh out this list with other examples right now].

Oh it was Microsoft!

One thing I didn't understand for a long time about the new netbooks that are all the rage: Why do they all come with only 1GB of RAM? The screens have gotten better on new models over the past several months. The hard drives have gotten bigger. Intel just released a faster processor that many manufacturers plan to include in new models. Prices have dropped. In short, netbooks have been obeying Moore's law. Except when it comes to RAM. The machine all seem capped at 1GB of RAM. For $20 to $50 they could add a gig or two of RAM and improve performance so much. What's holding them back?

And then I found the answer: Microsoft. The Evil Empire refuses to sell Windows XP to anyone under 21 on any machine that meets certain specs. If you're powerful enough to run the bloated ugly OS (Vista) you have to use it. So manufacturers keep the machines below the limits in order to license XP.

And that's not all. The Evil Empire has also bullied HP and others into pulling their Linux-based netbooks.

Random Musings, Trends I'm Seeing

The decline of House. Disappointed that the writers had to turn to unblinding 13's study. Guess after 100 episodes, its kinda hard to find good new material and the thing is getting old.

Drugs are making major comeback on the streets of New York! I was offered weed, coke, E, and more at least 4 times by 3 different people in one weekend. Welcome to the new New York. A world of opportunity.

Girls hitting on me?

Ahh the Superbowl. Last year at the game I met the love of my life, or, at least a few months... Can you believe I sent an anniversary gift even though we stopped seeing each other ages ago? I wonder how he'll take it... And this year I met someone else; reminds me of that Sex and the City episode where she's dating this guy and asks about his previous relationships and he goes, "Well there was Cathy, Linda, Mark..." "Mark!"

Women in Red

Surrounded by women in red (from scarlet to crimson, I'm not kidding!) and men in black (ok, some wore navy too), President Obama signed his first piece of legislation today. The Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act purportedly aims to prevent discrimination against women. Except the Paycheck Fairness Act actually does that. The Lilly Ledbetter just changes the statute of limitations so that you can wake up after 19 years and demand back wages instead of negotiating your contract when you should have.

Doesn't 19 years of silence imply an acceptance of your salary? Isn't this a perfect example of when statute of limitations should apply? If you raped someone or burglarized their house, I don't care if its 2 years or 5 years later, you still hurt them. Nobody's going to say that you must have accepted the rape or burglary as fair. But we have a statute of limitations for those cases. Here, when we speak of a negotiated and clearly accepted salary offer, we are erasing the statute of limitations.

Btw, I'm not saying the Act is a bad idea. I'm just saying that maybe its not something to grandly brag about passing. This is the kind of thing that you might pass because you see you need it given the prevailing problems, not because you're proud of it.

The starkly uneven dress code at the signing was either meant to make it clear who the bill is supposed to help, or reveal the not-so-subtle undertones of a feminism so radical it doesn't even sound like radical feminism. Either way, equality is what it did not imply.

Michelle Obama took the opportunity to follow Oprah's lead in calling every random person under the sun "one of my favorite people". Lilly Ledbetter, for saving her salary discrimination lawsuit until she was ready to retire (presumably so she wouldn't have to fear reprisals from her employer), fighting it all the way to the Supreme Court - and losing - and still fighting till she got a new law passed, is one of Michelle Obama's favorite people.

Random Fact: The most popular time for the Internet seems to be about 4:00PM EST.

Tobbacco Reduction

Consider the folowing statements:

Statement 1
The success of sustained anti-smoking efforts over the past several decades has reached a point where fewer than 25% of American males now smoke. Public education campaigns, cigarrette taxes, limits on tobbacco advertisement, and regulations against smoking in public places have been effective tools at reducing the danger of tobbacco smoke in our society.

Statement 2
Tobbacco-safety and anti-smoking efforts have failed Black Americans. More than 1 out of every 4 African-American males in the United States is a smoker. It is the fault of a society that gives the African American community unequal treatment that leaves the Black population at a higher risk for a host of preventable health problems. State and municipal governments aren't doing enough for minority health issues.

Both statements have their facts right, but the conclusions they draw are very different. Their perspectives are very different.

Ready for the numbers? 24% of white males smoke; 26% of black males. ThinkFirst.

Hope

Is this a dig aimed at Obama?

Potter a Wiggin Clone?

Reading Ender's Game for the first time I couldn't help noticing the striking similarities between Card's science fiction creation and the Harry Potter series.

Both feature a mostly normal kid who is "special" from birth and was tormented in childhood. The two boys had difficult relationships with their parents or guardians as well as a very bad relationship with an older brother. Luckily, both Harry Potter and Ender Wiggin are offered spots in special boarding schools where they can develop their unique talents. They excel in the special schools and join a special society outside of the one in which they grew up. Both Harry and Ender have a special purpose; something vaguely to do with saving the world.

In school, Ender and Harry must deal with teachers who seem at times sinister, at times helpful. Both boys do well, successfully navigate the waters of various types of peer relationships, and face a school bully. In each book we are introduced to such common elements as the mail system, the school calendar, etc