Sunday, September 10, 2006

The Quickie

Yah, I don't have much time now, b/c the dude wants to close the maabada (lab). Just wanted to check in and tell y'all more is on the way. Isn't "y'all" a cute expression? Well, the way this cute boy in my school (who unfortunately isn't in my class) says it it seems divine. Anyway, it's almost time to register for Fall classes. I wonder what I'll take. The summer break was great. Relaxing. Hard to get back to work, to schedules, responsibilities. Stuff happened, I guess. Wonder if it interests you... I moved. Switched apartments, only about 5 blocks from where I was, nothing major. Got two weeks notice from the lanlord at my old place that we all have to move out. That was it: 2 weeks and you're all out. Just like that. No reason given. The rent was all paid up on time. Spent four days 'on the street', hopping between friends' places till I found this place, but now I'm settled in there and it's cool.

Oh, the Question of the Day: You're seeing a guy for a while, you've slept together several times, hung out, gone out, when does he become your "boyfriend"? How does it get official? I mean, also, like this: you spent 3 or 4 nights together in a week. Who knows how many people he was with that week besides you? Ok, so he's not like that. He's not a slut. But the truth is you don't know where people are holding. And you don't want to push things where they are going to get prickly, you don't want to assume too much - or too little. Whatever, I guess we'll talk it over. When he comes back from New York... Thing is also - and I've told him this - I eventually want to get married - to a girl - so this thing, though we're loving it, can't last. I want him to enjoy his vacation in NY. I can't be there. I'm in Israel. I don't know if he's "on the prowl" there or he wants to be "faithful" to me, I don't know if we even have that kind of relationship that there is such a thing as that he's "faithful to me". But I don't begrudge him his fun if that is what he wants. I want him to be happy, why should he ruin his vacation that he looked forward to for so long (if that's what he wanted) just because we met several weeks before?

Shit, relationships! (Sorry, I'll try to watch my language.) I sometimes try to keep my emotions out of it so as not to get hurt. Some of this is conscious, some unconscious. I think, so what if I date a guy and he's seeing other people too, if he's there for me and cares for me, and I for him, who cares what he does when I'm not around? And if the concern is STDs, that is a problem anyway and that is what protection is for. I sound pretty vulgar. I wish I had answers. I do't even know what I want. I wish I could express better what I feel; I don't think I did justice here now, it came out a little one sided - lacking the proper balance that I would have liked to provide. But time is short.

More later. G'bye! XOXOXO

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