Sunday, February 04, 2007

The New Elementary School - Part 1

Imagine those poor Tourette's kids who have to call out "penis!" at random intervals throughout their day. At the cafeteria line in school. What would you like for lunch, Johnny? "Penis!"

Teacher: Who was the general who led the Confederate army at Gettysburg?
Johnny: Penis!

Johnny leads his team to a victory on the basketball court during recess. Michael to Johnny. Johnny takes the pass, he looks, drives, posts up in the paint. Shoots. Two points. Penis!

Oh, no. Yarislov brought peanut butter again. Now Freddie's going to break out in hives because he's allergic to the smell. Go call the security guard to take the peanut butter away from Yarislov and dispose of it according to Environmental Protection Act 11a. Wait. Freddie is angry. Uh oh. He's chasing Petunia. This has nothing to do with the hives, of course, he's just mad that there's a girl called Petunia. He thought her name should be Alexia. Alexia sounds like a nice name; it's too bad it's already taken by a reading disorder.

Jared and Brandon are shooting up in the corner of the schoolyard, Brandon goes on a bad trip and gets so scared he wets his pants. Johnny comes running over, takes one look at Brandon and shouts, "penis!"

Jared: Yes you idiot, it's coming from his penis, what you thought he had a vagina, asshole?
Johnny: I didn't mean anything it's just my Tourettes. What happened to Brandon?
Jared: He's on a bad trip. He'll be okay.
Johnny: Penis!
Jared: You say that one more time I'll rip your pants off, stick you're dick in your mouth and make you suck it.
Johnny: Please don't hurt me. It's a sickness I have that makes me shout strange things. I'm really not like that. You have ADD, I have Tourettes, like, we all have gotta have something.

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