Cablevision to offer 100Mbps for $100/mth

"It does, however, beg the question why Cablevision can offer fast access with reportedly no caps or overage fees, when others claim such a plan would cause the sky to fall and an exaflood to break the Internet," said S. Derek Turner, research director for Free Press. (ARS)

They Call it Sheep's Meadow

The weather has been great the past few days, and the city began to awaken from its slumber. Everybody was out. On the streets, in the subways, at the park.

I was at a party at night, then crashed at a friend's place, next I new there were 3 in the bed and the little one said roll over... Eventually we got up and made it out to the park for some people watching. One of his friends came with us with her tiny little dog. Everyone who saw us went gaga over the dog. It probably was kinda cute, if you're into that sorta thing. Me, I prefer boys.

Was so tired getting back to work. Aaagh! What will be?

Please Don't Lock Me Out, Matt

Really cool blog I've been reading: Debriefing the Boys. Suddenly it's saying it's only open to invited readers and I'm locked out. I hope this is just a bug or mistake that will soon be fixed!

UPDATE 4/27/09: It's back. Check him out.

Some Changes to the Interface

Wow I don't even remember what this blog used to look like, it's all brand new! (I know, you'll tell me it still looks the same as it always did, but there are subtle differences). Some kinks still need to be ironed out. The headings on the sidebar are too light in color; they're hard to read. There's still no tag cloud, hence no good way to navigate using labels. I tried a few options, but nothing fit the bill.

I updated my profile a bit. Although I remain of course a student of life, I am no longer a student by occupation.

Justice Breyer Molested as a Child

"When I was 8 or 10 or 12 years old, you know, we did take our clothes off once a day. . . and people did sometimes stick things in my underwear."

Justice Breyer misspeaks during Supreme Court hearings in Safford Unified School District v. Redding, No. 08-479. Ms. Redding accused school officials of strip searching her in a search for pain killers. The school officials say their behavior was okay. NYT

Website Maintenance

Yeah all good sites go down for maintenance sometimes. If all goes well, the outage won't be long (microseconds, you won't even notice).

Who wears their computer in their back pocket?

The Sony P Series and Lenovo Pocket Yoga are designed to fit in a back pocket. Um, why? What happens when you sit down? Is that really where you want your their computer? P.S. The Yoga's just for show. Lenovo said it's never coming out.

Looking for People to Complete Me

Can anyone truly believe that cellar door is more beautiful than a humped convolvulus rearing its dragon head from an icy lake?

So here I am typing on a tiny virtual keyboard and once again pondering the big real questions. Is this life worth living? Do I can I will I mean something? Will I find love or happiness?

My father bought a new car. Well a used car, but anyway an additional car. Since my brother started dating he's been hogging the car and now he's engaged, when he gets married I guess he might take it altogether. So when my father let me take the new car out the other night I thought it was a major milestone. I thought he had done some thinking and realized I'm not a little kid anymore and he was ok letting me go out at night. I thought maybe he was done with causing me the pain of having to brave the cold and waste my time with the subways late at night. When I need to go out I need it and go. I was always hurt by the way they held the car over me like that. I thought maybe this could be a turning point, like we could maybe sit down now that we respect each other as adults and come to terms with me and what I go through and especially my sexuality. But then I got a frantic hysterical text message from my father that "it's 3am where are you with my car?" And I shrunk back into my shell. He's still not ready to relate to me straight and I don't want to relate to him at all if it's under those unfair terms. So when I came home avoided my parents, didn't talk to them.

Then as my mother was going upstairs she asked me not to use the stove right now because she had just cleaned it and was too tired to do it again. I said, "oh u just don't like me. The first thing u said to me today was 'don't'." She pointed out that i had ignored her, and to her that's just as bad. I just said "you're right, i'm sorry" but i could have said i didn't talk to you because I just don't like to hear 'don't' all the time.

Anyway where was I out so late? Went to the club, found a guy, gave him a ride home, he asked me up, he wanted to fuck me, he couldn't get hard enough, so i didn't even have to tell him no and it was great cuz it was just how I wanted it, I got to play as if I was gonna let him
without having to stop him and say no and even better since he feels like it's his fault, like he owes me something. Does this make me an evil person?

Recently watched movies: YPF, Shortbus, a documentary about Alfred Kinsey, Save Me, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Vicky Cristina Barcelona

I'm thinking of how great it is what I had with the guy I'm seeing (if you can call it that, we went out twice) but that it is not complete. And can there ever be one person to complete me? Thinking of my friendlessness (real or imagined) and how I always go out alone and sometimes hook up when all I want is a hug and a conversation and acceptance.

I was out the other night and there were three guys in the bar that caught my attention. One of them I've had (would like to do so again, but he doesn't seem into it. However, having done it takes the edge off the unbridled lust), one was hitting on me, and suddenly all that interests me is the third. (Not that I didn't have a good time with bachelor number 2) But I always want more, want what I can't have. Or am too timid to ask for... Okay, so I'm evil. I'm Haman, second to the king, who owns the world, but wants to have that one cute guy who refuses to bend over for him.

And why am I running around with all these people? Two friends packed off to Florida, another's busy with finals, another's in Israel. Everybody left, I feel so alone so that's what happens. I go looking for people.

This Is A Tweet

Back at work, and it's like I never left - except for the 2 week backlog of work. Yikes.

Now Ur a Man

Omg I can't believe this video. I said I wouldn't discuss the specifics of what we did on the weekend. This video doesn't show what happened or what it was like, but I think anyone who was there, with a little sense of humor, might appreciate this video. It brings out a little of the ideas. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Vl7jBY-owE&feature=email I don't know if that link will work, I'll fix it later. You can just search YouTube for "dvda man song" or some such.

Disclaimer: I'm not making fun of people named Maynard. Your name might be Maynard and it might not. What I mean to say is, don't get offended, lighten up, and yes I still do take it seriously.

Speaking of YouTube, when I first heard of YouTube (this is going back a number of years) I thought it would be spelled utube or utoob or even you2b. That was how they named everything in those dotcom days. But they actually spelled it out. Whodathunk

In other random news, this spell checker doesn't respect caps. So when I misspell a word that started with a cap and then click the right spelling, it replaces the word with an all lower version and I have to fix the cap. If you're reading this, Firefox people, here's a project for you.

Oh as for all that talk of plans, well, I woke up late. Missed the museum trip (which actually ended up being a NY Auto Show trip), missed the golf, but I caught the guys after the game and we chilled so that was good. I'm not much into golf anyway. I texted a buncha folks. Did call the LA guy in Florida, plan to meet up when he gets back. Went to the gym (did I mention my disappointment when I went on Sunday and found them closed for Easter? I think I did), but it was a short weak workout. My ipod battery dying in the middle didn't help any. Still, something is better than nothing, and it'll hopefully keep me conditioned enough to do a better workout tomorrow.

Oh, remember J from that circuit party? He finally answered me on socialnetworkplace. His boyfriend was hurt and sad about the whole thing, anyway too much drugs make you crazy (kids, just say no! Actually, I'm not one to talk. I said no to drugs, and look where it's gotten me ;) But the good news is he still wants to stay friends. Yay! Lol I'd basically given up even hearing from him anymore.

My menu has gone from whole wheat bread, eggs, tuna fish, bran cereal with milk, etc. to matzo, tongue, crumb cake, stuffed cabbage, nuts, and coconut macaroons. It's a little ridiculous.

I've been playing with a new toy all night. The Archos 5 media player. 160GB for roughly the price of a 16GB iPod Touch. The Archos is bigger (plus for larger screen, minus for added bulk), nice responsive touch screen

I decided I want to direct movies. Add that to the list after acting and singing and drawing. Actually, put it before those. But after writing.

Is it just me, or does more happen when I'm on vacation? Jai Ho!

People, Plans, Potatoes, and Perplex

So we relived the Jewish absquatulation from Egypt. We blessed the Sun, not the Son. We let the Christians bless the Son. We've put up with everything (everything meaning my gym) being closed while the Son is resurrected. Or in memory of the resurrection, may it come speedily in our days. Lent is over, the countdown to Pentecost is begun, after which the holy spirit will fall upon the Apostles, but never upon the Apostates--and it is curious how those two words are linked--and Moses will come down from mountain bearing two brilliant tablets and he will throw them to the ground and shatter them for his nation will have sinned with the Golden Calf. And then he will climb back up the mountain, but I digress.

I've met some great great people through that weekend, and hope to build several friendships with people I met there. But I'm not where they are at all. They are fighting hard to break their homosexual attractions. They are working to understand and/or explain away that part of them. They want to make it go away.

Their voyage is one of self discovery, of pain, of endurance, of courage. My journey has been one of pleasure, existentialism, and fantasy, of settling for what comes easily, what comes naturally. Who's right? I don't know. Or I'm not ready to say I know. And there may not be one right answer for everybody.

I'm thinking about doing the therapy thing again. I met some people who feel it helped them. My experience hasn't been as positive, but I'm at a different place now.

Tonight was pretty amazing. Got a massage, but that was silly and of little value. The things should have warning stickers that say: This is nonsense. Anyway, I met this guy for the third time. This time we went to his place. It was exciting. So much fun. I'm still a little confused about how that whole thing is going. Where it is going, more like. And I wish he didn't smoke. But all in all, it's good times!

I spoke to the guy from LA who's with his family in Florida. Sometimes it seems everybody's traveling but me. Another friend just went to Orlando for the weekend, too. I'm just rambling now about the human contact I've had lately, trying to convince myself I have friends. Maybe one day I will. :) I spoke to him, and him, and maybe we'll get together tomorrow for some golf. Or maybe I'll go with my family to a museum. I should also call her. She's awesome. We should hang out some more. And maybe I'll get in touch with "the kitchen guy" and the other one who wrote the book. And that friend who's apartment searching. Omg, and the one who went to Israel for the holidays. Man, if I kept up with all the people I'm supposed to be keeping up with it would be a full time job.

But then I ask myself, do I care? Do I care about these people. I'm too tired to continue this post right now. It's some food for thought. And food is good cuz it's Pesach (Passover) and satisfying food is hard to come by. Matzo seems to blow up your stomach and make you fat without feeling completely satisfying. Over and out.

Oh, P.S. Observe and Report is the worst movie ever.

The Repeal of the Repeal

I'm not a big fan of smoking, but I don't support Prohibition either. Well, Congress moved forward towards a second Prohibition era--for smoking instead of alcohol. (Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act)

GIVE Act

An example of irresponsible legislation. More on this later. Just one note for now: I'm shocked by the way the Act desecrates the memory of what happened on September 11, 2001.

Third of EMS Stethoscopes Carry MRSA Virus

Be sure to ask your doctor about his/her equipment sanitization policies. (U.S. News)

A day of planning vs a fortnight of wandering

I filed my first tax return. The IRS penalized me about $4000 for not making a baby yet. What are you supposed to do when you get such mixed messages from the government? On the one hand they wage a heavy-duty pro-abstinence campaign, and on the other they serve up tax penalties for not knocking a chick up.

Work's been slow. I have a lot to do, but it's taking forever and there are deadlines coming up and it's just going nowhere. Let me organize a little.

1. Topic
2. Problem/Where we are today
3. End-state/Where we want to be
4. Solution Options/How can we get there

See how simple that was. Ok, TD now how are you going to tackle each step?

1. Topic - explain what we're talking about
2. Problem - gather information from trade pubs, reports, articles, etc about how things are going currently
3. End-state - This is going to come from sources that discuss the utopia of perfect harmony. This step DOES NOT CARE what is possible. Only what is good.
4. Solutions - What alternatives are being proposed that can move us closer from stage 1 to stage 2? How might the gap between the current state and the utopia be narrowed? List at least 5 possible alternatives. NOW, we are not so much interested in which one is best, but which is most feasible/likely to happen.
5. The people involved/needed in implementation should be a part of this step.
   
6. Aftermath. What does the landscape look like after the proposed solutions have been put into place? Where is there an opportunity in that landscape?

Yay! Now I know it's possible. Just gotta slog through it. Psst, TD. SMILE.

Random Musing

I second guess myself constantly. Everything I think or say or do that is honest, I second guess. Only when I shut off my thinking, shut off my feeling, live superficially and just do the most expedient thing do I have relief from the eternal second guessing. Isn't that crazy?

Anonymity Is Not Sufficient For Privacy

Went to the gym for a couple miles, then rushed to get ready. Ended up just tossing tons of stuff (that I didn't need - while forgetting other things I should have brought) into a knapsack and some plastic bags and dumping it into a borrowed car (thanks for the borrowed car). Drove out there, careful to drive only a couple miles over the speed limit until I realized I was a dreadful drag on traffic. Of course, the moment I speed up till I'm following the car in front of me the state trooper behind me flips on his flashers.

Anyway, I got there only a few hours late, which is to say, right on time. There was an air of the tribal about it. I shut off my cell phone, put away my watch, and all the accoutrements of modern life for a weekend of mystery, where strangers can turn into trusted friends, the past can become the present, the future is born.

The leaders gave it a narrow scope. They organized much of the concept about one principle. I resisted that. I preferred to broaden its reach. I saw an exploration of alternative possibilities. It presented a new dynamic. Now I need to take the message and integrate it, digest it, see what nutrients I've ingested.

For many participants, these 48 hours changed their lives.

I see one giant mass of humanity. Chop it up, and you'll find lots of little pieces of humanity. Some hold great beauty; others, not so much. All (or most) yearn for connection. Each is attracted to connect to those shards of humanity in which they see beauty or other values.

But what if there were 2 distinct masses of humanity, hovering apart, a male mass with one set of characteristics, and a second, female mass with a different set of characteristics. Chop up the male mass and you'll find lots of little pieces of male. They fit together in emotional ways and various physical ways but they don't fit together sexually.

If you chop up the female mass, you'll get lots of little female pieces. They are somehow inferior, needy. They want to connect with one of the little shards of male.

Okay, I prima facie reject this view because it doesn't hold up to the standards of intellectual rigor, or at least wasn't presented that way. However, it doesn't have to be right to be a fascinating way of looking at things. It is a piece of art, the construct, and its value can be appreciated irrespective of its truth value. And so I do appreciate it. I want to use it in ways that will better life and enhance it, not sacrifice ideals of equality and respect.

At any rate, this isn't what we discussed over the weekend. It's just some thoughts bouncing around in my head that were somehow conjured up in its aftermath.

A lot of people commented that this was the best weekend of their lives. The experience of each person was different, born of his own mind. It really put people in touch with themselves. It reconnected me with an innocence lost.

I haven't been able to set into writing what I mean. I said I wouldn't talk about it. I hope to make this whole post a little clearer as time goes on, but I wanted to get some comments up so we'll have something to work with.