Safe Eyes filter found leading cause of depression in US teens*

"Parental controls on children's Internet browsing can have the effect of isolating them from social peers, as well as generating feelings of helplessness, alienation, and low self-esteem," explains one depressed Safe Eyes sufferer. "Web filtering software and other content blockers could leave harmful psychological effects."

"Content filtering is a like potent drug," the boy's doctor said. "It can be expected to come along with with some side effects. Parents need to be made aware of that."

"We'll protect our kids even if it kills them," asserts a NetNanny mother from Oklahoma in response to critics. ['Cuz after all, safe dead kids are better than healthy but endangered ones. Oh wait, let me double check that...]

BLACK BOX WARNING**: The Safe Eyes internet filter and other web filtering software has been shown to cause serious adverse effects in some children, adolescents, and adults. Possible reactions include, but are not limited to, headache, nausea, fatigue, depression, family arguments, suicidal ideations, and attempted suicide. If you or anyone you know has been exposed to Safe Eyes, care should be taken to monitor for signs of illness and call your doctor immediately if condition worsens or does not improve after 3 days.

How to protect yourself:
Do not purchase or install Safe Eyes or similar software. In case of accidental ingestion, remove the program using the included uninstaller and then wipe your hard drive and reinstall Windows.*** Better yet, just buy a new computer. Safe Eyes is highly infectious and probably contaminated your entire system. Stay far away. If you are unsure how to proceed, call your Poison Control Center immediately.

In all seriousness, I personally have struggled with internet-filter-onset depression. And I mean clinical Depression. Caused by idiotic meddling in my personal freedom. Anyone who has read this blog knows how dead serious I'm being when I say if I die in the near future, the most likely cause will be related to internet filtering and monitoring.**** People think this is an innocuous way to "protect kids from the dangers of the internet". Think again. It's not innocuous at all. Young peoples' lives revolve around modern technology, like it or not. Learn to deal, OK? Place too many limits on how people can live and they'll realize they just don't want to. Not like that.

*Okay, so I don't have scientific studies to back this up - yet. I do have anecdotal evidence, though. I have my personal feelings.

**This Black Box Warning has not been evaluated or approved by the FDA. It is merely my suggestion for what might be added to notify parents of the risks "child safety" filters entail.

***This should not be taken as professional IT advice. If you or someone you know has this problem, please consult a competent IT professional for advice. My purpose here is just to encourage people to think about the possible negative effects this software may have.

**** In case you were wondering, the good news is it didn't kill me. See 8/17/09 update.

Gmail Sheds 'Beta' Label: Finally buggy enough for full release

Following in the footsteps of software giant Microsoft, Google made sure to add just enough performance issues, annoyances, unnecessary features, and poor support to their product before its official release.

When I first started using Gmail several years ago, I loved it. It was a huge improvement over my old Juno, Yahoo, or Hotmail accounts at the time. It enabled me to manage my inbox in ways I couldn't before, adding Search, Labels, and the conversation view feature that grouped messages more clearly. The spam filter caught most of the junk coming in. Over time, Google has made many useful updates to the service, adding IMAP support and more.

However, email today isn't what it was then. As the amount of email being sent and received has grown, Gmail has failed to keep up. Instead of being a supplementary messaging system, email is ubiquitous. It is also multimedia enabled, or should be. Can you tell me why I can't even copy/paste a photo into an email with Gmail?

Increasingly, Gmail has fallen behind in offering better ways to organize the information in the inbox. As services like Xobni and Xoopit and CC Betty and Gist and yes, even Microsoft, have tried to help users organize the mountain of information streaming into the inbox, Gmail's "innovation" has been limited to gimmicks like skins and other bloatware. I mean, do I really need to play Snake in my inbox? (Yes, for those of you who may have missed it, there is an option in Gmail Labs that allows you to play the old cell phone time waster game Snake inside Gmail.)

At a time when email needs to once again be reinvented, when email should be rapidly evolving and is clearly insufficient in its current form, now is a mighty curious time to take off the Beta label.

On 2nd thought, does "propylene glycol gel" really sound healthier than tobacco?

Not smoking has its disadvantages. So I'm intrgued by these e-cigs I've been hearing about.

I want an e-cig that's just water vapor without the nicotine or flavors or anything. That way, I could have the "cool" factor of smoking, and have something to do with my hands, and have something in my mouth, and have something to do while I hang out with my friends during a smoking break, etc.

Then again, part of the "cool" factor relates directly to doing something illicit and dangerous...

Banning Stuff is the New Education

Last week a federal advisory panel recommended banning America's most popular and effective prescription pain pills, including Percocet and Vicodin.

It's no surprise that these pain relievers are considered dangerous. They contain powerful, habit-forming narcotics like oxycodone and hydrocodone. But that's not the issue. Percocet and Vicodin also contain acetaminophen — you know, Tylenol, that "harmless" over-the-counter pain reliever we pop like candy at the least sign of a headache, sore throat or general malaise.

It turns out that Tylenol isn't all that harmless. Overdoses kill more than 400 people each year and send 42,000 to the emergency room with acute liver failure. And so-called "combination pain killers" account for most of those overdoses.

"The FDA panel is not saying the drugs in Vicodin are bad," said one expert. "They are saying that tying [opioid narcotics and NSAIDs] together is wrong."

By adding acetaminophen to narcotics, combination drugs provide better pain relief with lower levels of narcotic. They are great for short-term use, such as after surgery.

Patients who take these drugs for chronic pain, however, build up a tolerance to the narcotic. As they take more and more, they also take more acetaminophen, and are at risk of liver damage.

Instead, Fishman said, doctors should prescribe the narcotics and acetaminophen separately. More trouble, but a safer option. (Mercury News)

So basically, instead of teaching people the right way to use a drug, the suggestion is just to ban it altogether.

A new meaning for "Senate Race"

So as the New York State Senate Democrats rushed to complete their Governor-ordered special session in a little time as possible, they were held up by Sen. Craig Johnson's request for a moment of silence. The Dems finished in 3 minutes, 19 seconds. The Republicans got out in just 2 minutes, 28 seconds. For this 2 or 3 minute workday, the Senators will receive wages of $160. Which translates north of $6000 an hour.

The curious thing, though, is the moment of silence. It was intended to commemorate the anniversary of the death of Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson, whom Johnson called "one of the greatest spiritual leaders of the past century." Yet to that Rabbi's most devoted followers such a tribute is blasphemy: They believe their leader's not dead. (Daily News article)

Tax to Fund U.S. Healthcare May Kill U.S. Healthcare

The purpose of not taxing employer-sponsored health coverage is to encourage employers to give their employees health insurance. This is a good thing. It makes healthcare more accessible to Americans. This system is the reason so many Americans have health insurance.

The Baucus plan circulating in the Senate disincentivizes employer-sponsorship by taxing it. In response, employers will not spend as much on health insurance. Costs will inevitably shift onto the individual. In addition, the nonsense of "gold-plated better than members of Congress have" plans being excessive - if nobody has any incentive to offer a better plan, insurance companies cease trying to offer them. Competition is reduced. Cost go up acros the board.

Do you know anybody who has complained their health care coverage is too generous?

Individual coverage carries higher rates than company plans and is taxable, all of which increases the burden of health insurance on the individual (and we are all "the individual").

Ultimately most people can't afford this, but fear not: the government will subsidize insurance for "those who cannot afford it".

So in one of the most roundabout ways imaginable, the plan shifts costs from voluntary, tax incentivized, employer-sponsored coverage to direct government sponsorship of more expensive, less effective plans for fewer people. (see Bloomberg article)

Comedians and Gay Gyms

I bought "I'm Telling You For the Last Time" by Jerry Seinfeld and "200 M.P.H." by Bill Cosby. Both very funny. Something by Dane Cook, too. What's more funny is sitting on the subway or working out at the gym with headphones on, laughing my head off for no apparent reason.

I tried out one of the super gay gyms in the middle of the city's (world's?) gayest neighborhoods. It was just like any other normal gym, so for all you who live out in the 'burbs or sticks and feel like you're missing something - don't feel bad. (Maybe I just came at a less "busy" time?)

You know how it is when you spend a week preparing for a meeting, and then you have about 20 minutes to make your entire presentation? You deliver a 25 page document and wonder if anyone is ever going to read it? Yeah. That's when I tell myself I'm on salary and it really doesn't matter if the work is a dead end. Then I go back to my desk and change the message: Now, it is important once again to contribute to the success of the business!

Anyone coming to Pride?

Anonymous, if you're reading this - you need to find a way we can talk without your snooping beloved eavesdropping.

Songs.

"You sit there in your heartache
waiting on some beautiful boy to
save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now ... here he comes!

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined when you were young"

When You Were Young - The Killers

Intriguing Quote

"So why am I not out of the closet? I was never in the closet. I am not trapped behind 3 walls and a door just because people don't know my sexual orientation. I am free." -Anonymous@PicturePerfect

She was kinda cute, too

One of the cutest moments from the weekend was when I was in the pool, and a family comes in, one of those nuclear families with a father and mother and little girl and boy like in a family icon:

So the mom comes in and starts saying something, asks how I got in if the pool was locked (Gee, I was thinking the same thing - maybe we both have keys? Lol.) I start swimming over to grab my bathing suit from the side of the pool where I had left it, and she notices I'm not wearing it and flushes and turns away. One of the kids turns to her and says, "See, I told you it was a boy."

I've had a crush on this guy at the gym for some time. For months we never spoke to each other, but recently he gave me a ride and we hit it off great. Now we've been chatting it up, talking about workout routines and eating habits, where to find local basketball courts (it turns out people around here play tennis just because they can't find a decent basketball court!) and how to build a six pack. Standard gym talk. But it's really great to talk to him. He's a great guy. I'm not sure whether to tell him I'm into him, but for now at least it's nice to be friends.

So I took a vacation and what and why

So I got in the car and drove. Traffic. Traffic. Then it cleared up a little. Stopped off, did some shopping. Drove. Traffic. Music. Finally got there. Stripped and jumped in the pool. Ahhh. Then opened the house, warmed up, relaxed. Cooked dinner. I made a simple meal, fried some burgers, had some leftover roast, pesto sauce with toasted whole wheat pitas, chopped liver. Somehow it was one of the best meals I've ever eaten. Then I flipped through some channels on TV. There was nothing on. And if there was, I flipped that channel during a commercial break. Seriously, I don't know how people watch broadcast TV. So I popped in a DVD and watched Sunset Boulevard, or Rocky. (I watched both over the weekend, just don't remember which one fits into this point in the story.) And it was all so amazing, I had such a good time.

After the movie, I went out on the porch, and took a giant lungful of sweet country air; it was after midnight and everything was silent. I looked up at the starry sky and looked all around, the trees, the lawn. Beauty everywhere. And then I cried a little because I was all alone, there was no one to share this great night with. But then I cheered up, that's a small thing to kill the mood over. I went out and sat on the swings, climbed on the monkey bars, and jogged a little. Then went to sleep ever so peacefully.

When I awoke, I made a pot of steaming cocoa. Read Frank O'Hara's Ave Maria and Edna St. Vincent Millay's What Lips My Lips Have Kissed, And Where, And Why. Reread Prufrock, and Ginsburg's America. Then swam a few laps, came in and made breakfast. I found nothing on the telly, so I went for a walk. Made popcorn and watched another movie. Got out the basket ball and shot some hoops. Took a long bath, so relaxing I half fell asleep in the tub.

The only thing missing was the people, but to paraphrase Sartre, people are hell anyway. I got back to the city just in time to be fashionably late to the ball. Okay, well more late than was fashionable to be honest. But I heard they ran out of food early on and had to order more. The organizer called the caterer frantic, "Send me anything you've got, we're on empty here!" So I must have gotten there right after the food was replenished, which was cool because I hadn't eaten much all day. I made the rounds of hellos and how are yous and good to see yous and congratulationses and thanks yous and then dug in.

Confessions Blog Link

Great series of posts from a former NYC go-go boy describes how
dancing almost destroyed his life - and how much he still misses it.

So true. It's such a rush. So much fun. But it becomes an addiction and
like any addiction pulls you deeper into its own world, and out of the
real one. He talks about needing more and more and the fear of losing
his fix. I'm not ready to write my own confession yet ;) but I
identify with what he writes, and am thankful I never fell in that deep, though it beckons temptingly.

President Obama says Bigotry in Military OK

"They're only soldiers, what can we expect from them? These are the low-lifes of society, the white trash. We can't expect enlightened behavior from this low class of people. The macho fools who join the army can't be expected to respect homosexuals as equals, so we shouldn't bother asking them to."

Perhaps this is how the Obama administration feels about the military. Is this why he insists "don't ask don't tell" can't be overturned? Has he forgotten Brown v. Board of Education - where it was decided that stereotypes can be overcome only through interaction with the other group? (Supreme Court grants an Obama administration request to maintain "don't ask, don't tell")

Another Weekend Passed

Went out the other night. Boring time overall, but one guy I keep thinking about. A go-go boy I've met several times before. Once he even gave me his number (or a number, anyway - he never responded when I tried it - so in response to anonymous and Sven - whether it's all the gays or just the ones I meet, I guess it is fairly common.) and called me "mi amor" (yeah, he's latin). He's so beautiful! and the way he felt me up ahhhh! Yeah, it's usually the other way around with go-gos - patrons feeling them up, so I have hope he's interested. LOL.

Over the weekend, stopped at the highly promoted party that nobody went to because it's in the wrong neighborhood. Just used the bathroom, then left. Brief stop at another one that nobody went to because it's in a place with the wrong reputation. Left right quick that as well. Then went to the place where my friends were going for a friend's birthday. That place is usually way too crowded, but was actually fun this time. Not as terribly packed as it has been, and I knew a bunch of people. Then left to meet LA boy uptown. We were going to talk, and we did, but it didn't stop at talking. Which is fine. Whatever.

Now it's back to work. Wondering how/if I'm going to find the one who's going to make me happy.

Oh for those who are wondering about the May Challenge. It went great! Very inspiring. I feel like I'm in the best shape I was all year.

Thank You Ms. Stavisky For Your Support

Write your Senator today!

I'm Liking:

Blueberries
Watching the sun set over the lake
Growing bank accounts
Interacting with friends (or, what passes for friends in my lonely world :)
Being active, exercising

Anyway, so in texts-from-last-night, the guy who last week said he wanted to ride me hard and fast and see if I could last until I make him cum decided, after several days of non-responding to messages, that he doesn't want to lead me on and just wants to be friends. Ah, relationships. So difficult to understand!

LA guy's coming back this week.

I keep thinking about taking a vacation, but there seems to be no point if I have no one to go with.

Well yeah, so that was Memorial Day

Memorial Day Weekend. Thursday night went over to a friend to watch a
movie and enjoy each other's company :) Friday drove back to New York
via Brooklyn, where my brother and I spent several hours shopping for
glasses, ties, pants, trinkets, and whatnot.

When you shop for eyeglasses, usually the salesperson (tell me if
you've had the same experience) will ask you a few questions, show you
some frames, you pick something out - and then you get The Spiel: OK
those frames are $___. I can show you something a little cheaper
(picks up something horrible), but I think those (points to the ones
you picked out) look really good on you. That's what they're buying
these days. And I can give you 15% off that price. You'll want to go
with a scratch-resistant coating for just $45 extra, but I can do it
for you for $25. And we'll put on the special new glare-free coating,
you're lenses will look much nicer and you won't notice a glare, it's
only $65 more. And with your prescription, I can offer you a higher
index lens, it will be much thinner and lighter, if you want that, for
an extra $100.

Then we came to this little hole in the wall shop, and the prices are
really as marked! Pick something out, and the storekeeper says here's
the price. I can deliver it next Tuesday. And we can't believe it.
"But next door they wanted $650?! How could you sell it for $225?" "I
want to see what they were selling for $650. It doesn't make sense."

"Ok, great. So can you give me the scratch-resistant?"
"Let me find out. [makes phone call] Yup, they're scratch resistant.
It's included."
"And do I want the glare coating?"
"Also included."
"But they told me they had a new super duper glare coating that's
baked, not fried. You give me that?"
[Makes another phone call] "Okay, so there are 2 brands of glare
coating they use. They're both the same except they charge $100 more
for the other one. I'm giving you the same thing I have in my own
glasses [points to own gorgeous glasses]."

And you know what? The 5 stores that tried to earn an extra few bucks
lost the sale altogether and got nothing. But I assume they're doing
alright. 300% markups can make up for a lot of missed opportunities.

Anyway, so Saturday night house party in Manhattan Beach, Sunday gym,
spa with C, and then to a club. Monday, slept, read, walked through
the park with barbecues and then came home and ate pizza.

Rant About Google

I usually like Google's new features, but this latest design change is an exception. Google says it wants its new features to feel like they were there all along. They believe this will make the feature more comfortable to use, but in fact the opposite is true. It generates this eerie feeling of something being not right. Humans are optimized to adapt to change while preserving a sense of history. When things just appear and pretend they were always there, it's unnerving. But more importantly, the new "search options" feature is just plain bad. It's unhelpful because it makes you push more buttons to do what you want to do, whereas before it was better at predicting which option you might want. And that Wonder Wheel: It's a wonder Google would release anything so absurd and useless.

Not too late to kick-start your health and reach for your fitness goals

Omg been ich mechaven gevuren ([Expletive] my god I co-conceived of the idea? Some things just don't translate well.) The President's Council is running a similar program to my Every Day in May Challenge.

"The National President's Challenge is a nationwide call to action for a healthier America. It's fun and it's free! All you have to do is be active five days a week for six out of eight weeks, and log your activity." (link) So get involved!

Challenge Days 7-11

I'm happy to report that we're on track. Been logging 2 to 4 miles a day and some weights, which is a good start, good foundation to build on. Details to come. Maybe.

Challenge: Day 7

So I had to work late yesterday, and didn't have time for the gym. But Every Day in May doesn't stop just because I missed one day. Here's hoping today's workout will be even better because of yesterday's rest!

Hot Pic

Challenge: Day 6

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Every Day In May Challenge

Let's try to exercise every day this month. Today is the 5th, so far so good: At least 30 minutes a day so far each day this month. Lots of treadmill, some weights. Maybe I'll try to get the log up here. Be great if someone tries to outdo me - I love competition!

Justice Souter announced plans to retire

Souter retiring, Obama choosing new nominee. I wish I could freeze-frame this and spend a semester delving into this.

Barack Obama's pretty cool. Even though I disagree with many of the things he's been doing, he seems to have things reasoned out pretty well. He might come to the wrong conclusions, but at least he thought it through. It would be great to  spend some time with him.

Cablevision to offer 100Mbps for $100/mth

"It does, however, beg the question why Cablevision can offer fast access with reportedly no caps or overage fees, when others claim such a plan would cause the sky to fall and an exaflood to break the Internet," said S. Derek Turner, research director for Free Press. (ARS)

They Call it Sheep's Meadow

The weather has been great the past few days, and the city began to awaken from its slumber. Everybody was out. On the streets, in the subways, at the park.

I was at a party at night, then crashed at a friend's place, next I new there were 3 in the bed and the little one said roll over... Eventually we got up and made it out to the park for some people watching. One of his friends came with us with her tiny little dog. Everyone who saw us went gaga over the dog. It probably was kinda cute, if you're into that sorta thing. Me, I prefer boys.

Was so tired getting back to work. Aaagh! What will be?

Please Don't Lock Me Out, Matt

Really cool blog I've been reading: Debriefing the Boys. Suddenly it's saying it's only open to invited readers and I'm locked out. I hope this is just a bug or mistake that will soon be fixed!

UPDATE 4/27/09: It's back. Check him out.

Some Changes to the Interface

Wow I don't even remember what this blog used to look like, it's all brand new! (I know, you'll tell me it still looks the same as it always did, but there are subtle differences). Some kinks still need to be ironed out. The headings on the sidebar are too light in color; they're hard to read. There's still no tag cloud, hence no good way to navigate using labels. I tried a few options, but nothing fit the bill.

I updated my profile a bit. Although I remain of course a student of life, I am no longer a student by occupation.

Justice Breyer Molested as a Child

"When I was 8 or 10 or 12 years old, you know, we did take our clothes off once a day. . . and people did sometimes stick things in my underwear."

Justice Breyer misspeaks during Supreme Court hearings in Safford Unified School District v. Redding, No. 08-479. Ms. Redding accused school officials of strip searching her in a search for pain killers. The school officials say their behavior was okay. NYT

Website Maintenance

Yeah all good sites go down for maintenance sometimes. If all goes well, the outage won't be long (microseconds, you won't even notice).

Who wears their computer in their back pocket?

The Sony P Series and Lenovo Pocket Yoga are designed to fit in a back pocket. Um, why? What happens when you sit down? Is that really where you want your their computer? P.S. The Yoga's just for show. Lenovo said it's never coming out.

Looking for People to Complete Me

Can anyone truly believe that cellar door is more beautiful than a humped convolvulus rearing its dragon head from an icy lake?

So here I am typing on a tiny virtual keyboard and once again pondering the big real questions. Is this life worth living? Do I can I will I mean something? Will I find love or happiness?

My father bought a new car. Well a used car, but anyway an additional car. Since my brother started dating he's been hogging the car and now he's engaged, when he gets married I guess he might take it altogether. So when my father let me take the new car out the other night I thought it was a major milestone. I thought he had done some thinking and realized I'm not a little kid anymore and he was ok letting me go out at night. I thought maybe he was done with causing me the pain of having to brave the cold and waste my time with the subways late at night. When I need to go out I need it and go. I was always hurt by the way they held the car over me like that. I thought maybe this could be a turning point, like we could maybe sit down now that we respect each other as adults and come to terms with me and what I go through and especially my sexuality. But then I got a frantic hysterical text message from my father that "it's 3am where are you with my car?" And I shrunk back into my shell. He's still not ready to relate to me straight and I don't want to relate to him at all if it's under those unfair terms. So when I came home avoided my parents, didn't talk to them.

Then as my mother was going upstairs she asked me not to use the stove right now because she had just cleaned it and was too tired to do it again. I said, "oh u just don't like me. The first thing u said to me today was 'don't'." She pointed out that i had ignored her, and to her that's just as bad. I just said "you're right, i'm sorry" but i could have said i didn't talk to you because I just don't like to hear 'don't' all the time.

Anyway where was I out so late? Went to the club, found a guy, gave him a ride home, he asked me up, he wanted to fuck me, he couldn't get hard enough, so i didn't even have to tell him no and it was great cuz it was just how I wanted it, I got to play as if I was gonna let him
without having to stop him and say no and even better since he feels like it's his fault, like he owes me something. Does this make me an evil person?

Recently watched movies: YPF, Shortbus, a documentary about Alfred Kinsey, Save Me, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Vicky Cristina Barcelona

I'm thinking of how great it is what I had with the guy I'm seeing (if you can call it that, we went out twice) but that it is not complete. And can there ever be one person to complete me? Thinking of my friendlessness (real or imagined) and how I always go out alone and sometimes hook up when all I want is a hug and a conversation and acceptance.

I was out the other night and there were three guys in the bar that caught my attention. One of them I've had (would like to do so again, but he doesn't seem into it. However, having done it takes the edge off the unbridled lust), one was hitting on me, and suddenly all that interests me is the third. (Not that I didn't have a good time with bachelor number 2) But I always want more, want what I can't have. Or am too timid to ask for... Okay, so I'm evil. I'm Haman, second to the king, who owns the world, but wants to have that one cute guy who refuses to bend over for him.

And why am I running around with all these people? Two friends packed off to Florida, another's busy with finals, another's in Israel. Everybody left, I feel so alone so that's what happens. I go looking for people.

This Is A Tweet

Back at work, and it's like I never left - except for the 2 week backlog of work. Yikes.

Now Ur a Man

Omg I can't believe this video. I said I wouldn't discuss the specifics of what we did on the weekend. This video doesn't show what happened or what it was like, but I think anyone who was there, with a little sense of humor, might appreciate this video. It brings out a little of the ideas. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Vl7jBY-owE&feature=email I don't know if that link will work, I'll fix it later. You can just search YouTube for "dvda man song" or some such.

Disclaimer: I'm not making fun of people named Maynard. Your name might be Maynard and it might not. What I mean to say is, don't get offended, lighten up, and yes I still do take it seriously.

Speaking of YouTube, when I first heard of YouTube (this is going back a number of years) I thought it would be spelled utube or utoob or even you2b. That was how they named everything in those dotcom days. But they actually spelled it out. Whodathunk

In other random news, this spell checker doesn't respect caps. So when I misspell a word that started with a cap and then click the right spelling, it replaces the word with an all lower version and I have to fix the cap. If you're reading this, Firefox people, here's a project for you.

Oh as for all that talk of plans, well, I woke up late. Missed the museum trip (which actually ended up being a NY Auto Show trip), missed the golf, but I caught the guys after the game and we chilled so that was good. I'm not much into golf anyway. I texted a buncha folks. Did call the LA guy in Florida, plan to meet up when he gets back. Went to the gym (did I mention my disappointment when I went on Sunday and found them closed for Easter? I think I did), but it was a short weak workout. My ipod battery dying in the middle didn't help any. Still, something is better than nothing, and it'll hopefully keep me conditioned enough to do a better workout tomorrow.

Oh, remember J from that circuit party? He finally answered me on socialnetworkplace. His boyfriend was hurt and sad about the whole thing, anyway too much drugs make you crazy (kids, just say no! Actually, I'm not one to talk. I said no to drugs, and look where it's gotten me ;) But the good news is he still wants to stay friends. Yay! Lol I'd basically given up even hearing from him anymore.

My menu has gone from whole wheat bread, eggs, tuna fish, bran cereal with milk, etc. to matzo, tongue, crumb cake, stuffed cabbage, nuts, and coconut macaroons. It's a little ridiculous.

I've been playing with a new toy all night. The Archos 5 media player. 160GB for roughly the price of a 16GB iPod Touch. The Archos is bigger (plus for larger screen, minus for added bulk), nice responsive touch screen

I decided I want to direct movies. Add that to the list after acting and singing and drawing. Actually, put it before those. But after writing.

Is it just me, or does more happen when I'm on vacation? Jai Ho!

People, Plans, Potatoes, and Perplex

So we relived the Jewish absquatulation from Egypt. We blessed the Sun, not the Son. We let the Christians bless the Son. We've put up with everything (everything meaning my gym) being closed while the Son is resurrected. Or in memory of the resurrection, may it come speedily in our days. Lent is over, the countdown to Pentecost is begun, after which the holy spirit will fall upon the Apostles, but never upon the Apostates--and it is curious how those two words are linked--and Moses will come down from mountain bearing two brilliant tablets and he will throw them to the ground and shatter them for his nation will have sinned with the Golden Calf. And then he will climb back up the mountain, but I digress.

I've met some great great people through that weekend, and hope to build several friendships with people I met there. But I'm not where they are at all. They are fighting hard to break their homosexual attractions. They are working to understand and/or explain away that part of them. They want to make it go away.

Their voyage is one of self discovery, of pain, of endurance, of courage. My journey has been one of pleasure, existentialism, and fantasy, of settling for what comes easily, what comes naturally. Who's right? I don't know. Or I'm not ready to say I know. And there may not be one right answer for everybody.

I'm thinking about doing the therapy thing again. I met some people who feel it helped them. My experience hasn't been as positive, but I'm at a different place now.

Tonight was pretty amazing. Got a massage, but that was silly and of little value. The things should have warning stickers that say: This is nonsense. Anyway, I met this guy for the third time. This time we went to his place. It was exciting. So much fun. I'm still a little confused about how that whole thing is going. Where it is going, more like. And I wish he didn't smoke. But all in all, it's good times!

I spoke to the guy from LA who's with his family in Florida. Sometimes it seems everybody's traveling but me. Another friend just went to Orlando for the weekend, too. I'm just rambling now about the human contact I've had lately, trying to convince myself I have friends. Maybe one day I will. :) I spoke to him, and him, and maybe we'll get together tomorrow for some golf. Or maybe I'll go with my family to a museum. I should also call her. She's awesome. We should hang out some more. And maybe I'll get in touch with "the kitchen guy" and the other one who wrote the book. And that friend who's apartment searching. Omg, and the one who went to Israel for the holidays. Man, if I kept up with all the people I'm supposed to be keeping up with it would be a full time job.

But then I ask myself, do I care? Do I care about these people. I'm too tired to continue this post right now. It's some food for thought. And food is good cuz it's Pesach (Passover) and satisfying food is hard to come by. Matzo seems to blow up your stomach and make you fat without feeling completely satisfying. Over and out.

Oh, P.S. Observe and Report is the worst movie ever.

The Repeal of the Repeal

I'm not a big fan of smoking, but I don't support Prohibition either. Well, Congress moved forward towards a second Prohibition era--for smoking instead of alcohol. (Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act)

GIVE Act

An example of irresponsible legislation. More on this later. Just one note for now: I'm shocked by the way the Act desecrates the memory of what happened on September 11, 2001.

Third of EMS Stethoscopes Carry MRSA Virus

Be sure to ask your doctor about his/her equipment sanitization policies. (U.S. News)

A day of planning vs a fortnight of wandering

I filed my first tax return. The IRS penalized me about $4000 for not making a baby yet. What are you supposed to do when you get such mixed messages from the government? On the one hand they wage a heavy-duty pro-abstinence campaign, and on the other they serve up tax penalties for not knocking a chick up.

Work's been slow. I have a lot to do, but it's taking forever and there are deadlines coming up and it's just going nowhere. Let me organize a little.

1. Topic
2. Problem/Where we are today
3. End-state/Where we want to be
4. Solution Options/How can we get there

See how simple that was. Ok, TD now how are you going to tackle each step?

1. Topic - explain what we're talking about
2. Problem - gather information from trade pubs, reports, articles, etc about how things are going currently
3. End-state - This is going to come from sources that discuss the utopia of perfect harmony. This step DOES NOT CARE what is possible. Only what is good.
4. Solutions - What alternatives are being proposed that can move us closer from stage 1 to stage 2? How might the gap between the current state and the utopia be narrowed? List at least 5 possible alternatives. NOW, we are not so much interested in which one is best, but which is most feasible/likely to happen.
5. The people involved/needed in implementation should be a part of this step.
   
6. Aftermath. What does the landscape look like after the proposed solutions have been put into place? Where is there an opportunity in that landscape?

Yay! Now I know it's possible. Just gotta slog through it. Psst, TD. SMILE.

Random Musing

I second guess myself constantly. Everything I think or say or do that is honest, I second guess. Only when I shut off my thinking, shut off my feeling, live superficially and just do the most expedient thing do I have relief from the eternal second guessing. Isn't that crazy?

Anonymity Is Not Sufficient For Privacy

Went to the gym for a couple miles, then rushed to get ready. Ended up just tossing tons of stuff (that I didn't need - while forgetting other things I should have brought) into a knapsack and some plastic bags and dumping it into a borrowed car (thanks for the borrowed car). Drove out there, careful to drive only a couple miles over the speed limit until I realized I was a dreadful drag on traffic. Of course, the moment I speed up till I'm following the car in front of me the state trooper behind me flips on his flashers.

Anyway, I got there only a few hours late, which is to say, right on time. There was an air of the tribal about it. I shut off my cell phone, put away my watch, and all the accoutrements of modern life for a weekend of mystery, where strangers can turn into trusted friends, the past can become the present, the future is born.

The leaders gave it a narrow scope. They organized much of the concept about one principle. I resisted that. I preferred to broaden its reach. I saw an exploration of alternative possibilities. It presented a new dynamic. Now I need to take the message and integrate it, digest it, see what nutrients I've ingested.

For many participants, these 48 hours changed their lives.

I see one giant mass of humanity. Chop it up, and you'll find lots of little pieces of humanity. Some hold great beauty; others, not so much. All (or most) yearn for connection. Each is attracted to connect to those shards of humanity in which they see beauty or other values.

But what if there were 2 distinct masses of humanity, hovering apart, a male mass with one set of characteristics, and a second, female mass with a different set of characteristics. Chop up the male mass and you'll find lots of little pieces of male. They fit together in emotional ways and various physical ways but they don't fit together sexually.

If you chop up the female mass, you'll get lots of little female pieces. They are somehow inferior, needy. They want to connect with one of the little shards of male.

Okay, I prima facie reject this view because it doesn't hold up to the standards of intellectual rigor, or at least wasn't presented that way. However, it doesn't have to be right to be a fascinating way of looking at things. It is a piece of art, the construct, and its value can be appreciated irrespective of its truth value. And so I do appreciate it. I want to use it in ways that will better life and enhance it, not sacrifice ideals of equality and respect.

At any rate, this isn't what we discussed over the weekend. It's just some thoughts bouncing around in my head that were somehow conjured up in its aftermath.

A lot of people commented that this was the best weekend of their lives. The experience of each person was different, born of his own mind. It really put people in touch with themselves. It reconnected me with an innocence lost.

I haven't been able to set into writing what I mean. I said I wouldn't talk about it. I hope to make this whole post a little clearer as time goes on, but I wanted to get some comments up so we'll have something to work with.

I Hate The New Facebook

The "new Facebook" looks and feels really thin, really empty of value compared to the older versions. The site has gone from connecting people to running long streams of verbal vomit that really aren't associated anymore with the people they are supposed to represent. And then there's the mountain of advertising scattered all around all mixed up with the content.

Facebook users are getting fed up and will leave. This message is posted here and not on Facebook because joining a Facebook group called "We Hate The New Facebook" sends the message that we're still here anyway. Well, we're not. If the company doesn't find a way to fix itself up, it's only a matter of time before some competing site starts making those improvements and stealing traffic away. This will be sad, because it will take a long time to build the type of critical mass Facebook has acheived and the world will lose the best "small-world" tool since email or the telephone book.

Somewhat Redacted But Still So Revealing

Wow wow wow! My mind is still spinning. The city's sexiest circuit party was off the wall. I got there just after midnight. Yeah, the train ran local and cost me 15 minutes. I almost missed the discount window and didn't want to pay full price, but luckily a security guard was kind enough to tell the ticket clerk that the line was down the block and even if I got on line by midnight I wouldn't have reached the counter till then. Yay!

So I got in and tried to find my friend. Walked all around the place. It was still early, not too crowded yet. Went to the bathroom, washing my hands our eyes met in the mirror--a cute boy from the South. We introduced ourselves--and then he introduced me to him boyfriend. Oh well, I thought. More on him later. So back to the dance floor for a few beats, tried again to contact my friend. Was almost ready to give up and head downtown for a karaoke party a couple of my friends were going to, figure the party is going on all night and most of the next day. I could miss a few hours and come back. But after I went outside I finally got in touch with my friend I was supposed to meet. We met up and danced for a while. Then he had this idea to go flirt with random ugly people! We made a whirlwind tour of the enormous dance floor, him flirting up half of it, me too shy to join in. I guess that's how he warms up--flirt with people you aren't interested in so when the one you are comes along you know what you're doing. Finally, he had enough turning on the poor old men and found a cute guy to make out with. I left the lovebirds to go find some action of my own.

So I come across Mr. South with his boyfriend again. They're both shirtless, J is in a pair of assless chaps, revealing his cute bubble butt. We started a three-way make-out session, mouth to mouth to mouth. Turns out the boyfriend, O, is a better kisser than J but J's cuteness factor more than made up for it. So commenced the difficult chore of making sure no one feels like a third wheel. Lol. All chores should be so fun! O went off at some point to look for drugs. Couldn't find any. Was he blind? It wasn't hard. Even I could have told him where to look, and I'm the kinda guy who hears "X, X, anybody want some X?" and thinks "Maybe I should call security?" Anyway, there were so much drugs, weed, poppers, who knows what I think I got high just from breathing the air.

O returned to find some guy blowing his boyfriend. He wasn't too pleased. He shooed the guy away and we started making out again. At some point J got me half undressed. Then he wanted to go into the back room where people were touching and fucking and blowing and everything just completely random dark sweaty anonymous mass ceiling dripping. O said no. He tried to impress upon him that 1 in 4 has an STD and there's no reason to go into such a situation when he could easily pick up a real person, a cute clean real person instead of going into that anonymous ugly mess. But J was steadfast. From Southeastern college town to the craziest circuit party in New York City, he wasn't about to miss out on the action. Always has to be clean and proper? Sometimes the boys just wanna get down and play. Rough and dirty steamy sweaty seething all that attention hands feeling groping moving everywhere nothing sacred lose yourself. His boyfriend wouldn't have it. I just felt bad watching them fight. At a party. Come on, have fun! I actually kinda sided with O, but I stayed out of their marital affairs. I do hear both sides. When J went in, he told me he was in heaven. He loved it. One guy sucking his dick, another hand there another dick there, a dick in his mouth, another next to his face hands groping and cute little J, center of attention loved by the whole anonymous writhing multitude. O went to get their coats and wait in the lobby. He must have gotten tired of waiting and went back to their hotel. Which left J without a coat, but that's later.

I followed J into the back room. He asked me if I saw anything I liked. I looked at him, held him, said I'm looking at it, holding it. You're the only thing in this back room mess I want. I wouldn't even be here if you hadn't insisted. But no one person (or even two) could satisfy his craving. He need a massively multi-player game. I didn't know what to do. I just kept my zipper up as hands reached to tug it open. We finally reached a quieter corner and started getting it on, but then other people intruded. But while I was annoyed, he welcomed the intrusions, wanted a piece of it all. So I buttoned up and let him take it. Felt like a man watching his wife get raped while he was tied up. And I just met J. I can only imagine how awful O felt back at his hotel. J offered to blow me, but as much as I wanted his mouth on me, I couldn't let him do it after he'd just eaten some other random dick.

Finally, we emerged. I held him tight. I wondered what he was feeling. He seemed shaken up. I think part of him loved it, part of him thought he'd gone too far. He went down to the lobby to find O. His boyfriend had already left. I started walking him back to his hotel. He had no shirt. It was already morning, the sun was up. His ass was bare. He got a lot of attention from the party boys, walking down the street like that. But this is New York, most people wouldn't even notice. Another guy walking back had a car, offered us a ride. It was chilly, we were grateful to get in a car for the 4 blocks. I said goodbye to J at his hotel and went back to the party. I hope he can work things out with O and it doesn't get too messy between them.

Back on the dance floor I met V. Major cutie. We tore it up for some time, wound up in a bathroom stall for a sexy session, danced some more. When he left, I went and got my coat, ready to leave, but I just couldn't do it. Something kept drawing me back. Was it the great house music? Those tribal beats? The porn show? The laser light show? No, actually his name was A. You might remember him from that diner next to the club. (I think I called him by a different name in that post, just because I had written about another "A" in that one). So, in a kind of a daze now, after 9 hours of crazy partying and probably rolling on the "perfumed" air of the club, I wandered about taking it all in. I met up with a party promoter who had been working there as a bartender. Thought I'd hang out with him a bit, but he might have been to much about that thing that thing tha-at thi-i-i-ing. Oh hell, so am I. I found A coming out of a bathroom stall with a buddy. I loved the way he reached right for my crotch. That sexy thing. He was wearing really loose jeans that were slipping halfway down his ass, pretty much revealing the whole perfect thing. And shirtless, of course, as were most of the people there. Great body. But he wasn't that interested I guess. His friend was a bit more interested and we danced a little, but then he went to look for A and I didn't see him anymore.

Now it's really time to go. But that other cute dancer from the club is here in his Ginch Gonch underwear. I just had to go over and give him a compliment. Way out of character, but something I should do more often. Gotta give more compliments. Then I saw Y, he was leaving, and I went out with him and his friend. They took a cab and I got in the subway. The train said it was express, the electronic display showed only express stops. I could have sworn the conductor announced it was going express. But it made the local stops. Unless I fell asleep and dreamt that I was on a train making local stops. At last, I was home. Happy. Content. Satisfied. Hungry. Eager for more.

Ideology of Insurance Regulation

"Insurance is about the accurate pricing of risk." Jane Orient in The New American

So take 10,000 people, each with a 1% chance of incurring a $10,000 charge. You'll probably end up with about 100 people suffering the charge, or about 1 million dollars of pooled risk. If you charge $100 to each of the 10,000 people you can protect everyone from a devastating $10,000 charge with a relatively affordable premium. You might tack on about $5 a piece for your profits.

This is insurance. You knew that already, I know. The punchline is that each person effectively pays for his own risk. That is, if the risk wheel were spun over and over, the amount each person pays as a result of incurring the fees would about equal their premiums.

On the other hand, when you pool people with different levels of know risk and charge everyone similar premiums, you are no longer selling a true insurance product according to Dr. Orient's definition. Take 10,000 people. 5000 have a .5% chance of incurring the $10,000 charge. 5000 have a 2% chance of incurring the same charge. Overall, you have about a million dollars of risk in the group. But if you charge each a $100 premium, you're effectively overcharging those with lower risk and undercharging those with higher risk.

The question becomes: Is this fair?

• Makes insurance affordable for high-risk individuals
• Unfairly penalizes low-risk individuals. In fact, it effectively takes a valuable product off the market.
  

Just. Shut. Up.

The saga continues. I went to a few cool parties. Met some cute guys. The pool party was amazing. Terrific vibe. Really fun, hot crowd. So many cuties there I felt intimidated and didn't know who to approach. After, went with a couple guys to another bar, ended up crashing at someone's apartment with a really cute boy. Was tons of fun but alas the guy hasn't responded to communication since then. Sigh.

Green Energy

I'm bored. Things just stay the same, no excitement
I miss leisure
I miss love
I miss all the things I have

A Wonderful Night Sans Alcohol (Well, Maybe a Little...)

To drink or not to drink. Well, while I was trying to make up my mind, I saw L. Went and danced with him a little, noticed H. Told him I was here with my friend L, and L and I went to a different part of the room. Soon H came over, and the three of us were dancing together. Then L asked if I wanted to go to another party, which I wasn't really interested in so he left, I was with H when one of a couple next to us started looking at me like he was really interested in me. H encouraged me to go over to him but first, I wasn't interested in the guy and second, he was with someone else. Eventually, the guy inches closer and starts holding my hand. I think his boyfriend must be blind or drugged or I don't know. It was weird. After a while they move off. I find R. He's really cute. Closing time. I go with A to the diner for breakfast. A is annoyed that I didn't call him or spend time with him earlier. I understand. But he still wants to take me home. A bunch of us sitting at the diner. Someone keeps commenting on how cute a couple A and I make and wonders if we're dating. A, still a bit upset I didn't ask him out, maintains that he's never seen me before. But we're bad actors. The guys at the table see something between us. The thing is, the uber-cutie in the booth behind us is winking my way and blowing kisses. Does he mean it or is he playing? I blow back. At some point A notices and expresses his disapproval. When A goes to the bathroom, I get N's number.

I know, it sounds like I'm a really bad guy. I'm not really. It's just the craziness of the way things work out sometimes. Anyway, by now L must be back in Hollywood. R and N most likely won't answer my calls or texts. A likely still feels how he feels and I'm still unable to tell him how I feel about him. Hopefully I'll see him soon. I think H likes me, and he's very cute, but something about the chemistry, I don't know, I don't feel it clicking. D texted me to go out last night. I said I couldn't make it. Tomorrow, I'm supposed to go to a birthday party for C, and her friend E is sure to be there. I haven't heard from her all week, so that should be interesting.

I'm writing all this I guess to try to convince myself that I actually have a social life or am desirable or something. I don't know. I'm &%#$-ing delusional. I saw Babel the other day. I was thinking it's a good movie, but then--it ended--and didn't say anything or go anywhere. It was cool jumping from San Diego to Morocco to Mexico to Japan, but then Japan didn't tie into the other stories and it kinda fell apart. And there's always the nagging question when you watch movies about these wildly different exotic cultures: is it realistic? Are they really like that? Maybe I should go see for myself. And so the wanderlust is stoked...

Twitter Style Guide - As If

This is stupid Twitter should go in the trash heap of bad dot-coms along with Second Life and [I'm too lazy to flesh out this list with other examples right now].

Oh it was Microsoft!

One thing I didn't understand for a long time about the new netbooks that are all the rage: Why do they all come with only 1GB of RAM? The screens have gotten better on new models over the past several months. The hard drives have gotten bigger. Intel just released a faster processor that many manufacturers plan to include in new models. Prices have dropped. In short, netbooks have been obeying Moore's law. Except when it comes to RAM. The machine all seem capped at 1GB of RAM. For $20 to $50 they could add a gig or two of RAM and improve performance so much. What's holding them back?

And then I found the answer: Microsoft. The Evil Empire refuses to sell Windows XP to anyone under 21 on any machine that meets certain specs. If you're powerful enough to run the bloated ugly OS (Vista) you have to use it. So manufacturers keep the machines below the limits in order to license XP.

And that's not all. The Evil Empire has also bullied HP and others into pulling their Linux-based netbooks.

Random Musings, Trends I'm Seeing

The decline of House. Disappointed that the writers had to turn to unblinding 13's study. Guess after 100 episodes, its kinda hard to find good new material and the thing is getting old.

Drugs are making major comeback on the streets of New York! I was offered weed, coke, E, and more at least 4 times by 3 different people in one weekend. Welcome to the new New York. A world of opportunity.

Girls hitting on me?

Ahh the Superbowl. Last year at the game I met the love of my life, or, at least a few months... Can you believe I sent an anniversary gift even though we stopped seeing each other ages ago? I wonder how he'll take it... And this year I met someone else; reminds me of that Sex and the City episode where she's dating this guy and asks about his previous relationships and he goes, "Well there was Cathy, Linda, Mark..." "Mark!"

Women in Red

Surrounded by women in red (from scarlet to crimson, I'm not kidding!) and men in black (ok, some wore navy too), President Obama signed his first piece of legislation today. The Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act purportedly aims to prevent discrimination against women. Except the Paycheck Fairness Act actually does that. The Lilly Ledbetter just changes the statute of limitations so that you can wake up after 19 years and demand back wages instead of negotiating your contract when you should have.

Doesn't 19 years of silence imply an acceptance of your salary? Isn't this a perfect example of when statute of limitations should apply? If you raped someone or burglarized their house, I don't care if its 2 years or 5 years later, you still hurt them. Nobody's going to say that you must have accepted the rape or burglary as fair. But we have a statute of limitations for those cases. Here, when we speak of a negotiated and clearly accepted salary offer, we are erasing the statute of limitations.

Btw, I'm not saying the Act is a bad idea. I'm just saying that maybe its not something to grandly brag about passing. This is the kind of thing that you might pass because you see you need it given the prevailing problems, not because you're proud of it.

The starkly uneven dress code at the signing was either meant to make it clear who the bill is supposed to help, or reveal the not-so-subtle undertones of a feminism so radical it doesn't even sound like radical feminism. Either way, equality is what it did not imply.

Michelle Obama took the opportunity to follow Oprah's lead in calling every random person under the sun "one of my favorite people". Lilly Ledbetter, for saving her salary discrimination lawsuit until she was ready to retire (presumably so she wouldn't have to fear reprisals from her employer), fighting it all the way to the Supreme Court - and losing - and still fighting till she got a new law passed, is one of Michelle Obama's favorite people.

Random Fact: The most popular time for the Internet seems to be about 4:00PM EST.

Tobbacco Reduction

Consider the folowing statements:

Statement 1
The success of sustained anti-smoking efforts over the past several decades has reached a point where fewer than 25% of American males now smoke. Public education campaigns, cigarrette taxes, limits on tobbacco advertisement, and regulations against smoking in public places have been effective tools at reducing the danger of tobbacco smoke in our society.

Statement 2
Tobbacco-safety and anti-smoking efforts have failed Black Americans. More than 1 out of every 4 African-American males in the United States is a smoker. It is the fault of a society that gives the African American community unequal treatment that leaves the Black population at a higher risk for a host of preventable health problems. State and municipal governments aren't doing enough for minority health issues.

Both statements have their facts right, but the conclusions they draw are very different. Their perspectives are very different.

Ready for the numbers? 24% of white males smoke; 26% of black males. ThinkFirst.

Hope

Is this a dig aimed at Obama?

Potter a Wiggin Clone?

Reading Ender's Game for the first time I couldn't help noticing the striking similarities between Card's science fiction creation and the Harry Potter series.

Both feature a mostly normal kid who is "special" from birth and was tormented in childhood. The two boys had difficult relationships with their parents or guardians as well as a very bad relationship with an older brother. Luckily, both Harry Potter and Ender Wiggin are offered spots in special boarding schools where they can develop their unique talents. They excel in the special schools and join a special society outside of the one in which they grew up. Both Harry and Ender have a special purpose; something vaguely to do with saving the world.

In school, Ender and Harry must deal with teachers who seem at times sinister, at times helpful. Both boys do well, successfully navigate the waters of various types of peer relationships, and face a school bully. In each book we are introduced to such common elements as the mail system, the school calendar, etc

Sigh

Gay Marriage Begins in Connecticut as it Ends in California

In the City Clerk's office, Barbara and Robin Levine-Ritterman became the first of the plaintiff couples to get their marriage license. The couple's civil union "just did not compute" for their twin 11-year-old sons, Carlos and Fernando, said Barbara Levine-Ritterman. "Now they can say our moms are married," she said.

Jeffrey Busch and Stephen Davis, another of the plaintiff couples, wore pink "I do" buttons on their lapels as they emerged from city offices with their new marriage license.

"This feels like the beginning of a long married life together," said Busch with a wide grin as he stood with his partner of more than 16 years.

The recent vote in California to ban same-sex marriage with an amendment to that state's constitution dulled the glow of today's victory. "It's very sad," Davis said. "It does somewhat diminish our joy."

But Davis said he and his fiancée aren't worried about a similar ban ever taking affect in Connecticut because, "it is the safest place in the country for gays and lesbians." (Boston Globe)

Obama Gets Prop 8 Passed

Okay, lets talk about some of the statistics in this election that nobody wants to talk about. The numbers reveal deep divides in this country. Obama took 95% of the Black vote. He lost the White vote by a slim margin.

A perhaps unintended consequence of Obama's wildly successful get-out-the-black-vote effort meant that there were enough black voters, who overwhelmingly supported the marriage ban, to push the ban through 52% to 48% in California. Obama win means gay rights lost

This is a country in serious trouble, because there is an elephant in the room, and nobody will admit it.

blacks back ban
Obama lost the White vote in Florida, North Carolina, and Virginia

The US media were afraid to talk about this story, but police felt the need to prepare for race riots in the event of an Obama election loss. Jong threatened blood in the streets.

Justice Roberts Thinks Sex is Shocking

While the nation votes for its next president, the Supreme Court today is hearing the FCCs case against broadcasters who air foul language.

"Why does the F-word have shock value? Because it's associated with sexual activity. That's what gives it its force," Roberts said, defending the FCC's policy as reasonable and not arbitrary. LA Times

Keep in Touch, Randomly

I know I haven't blogged much lately, but I'm still around so if you've been following this blog and want to know what you've been missing, speak up...

Anyway, things have been good. And like Brianna said, "The happier you are, the harder it is to blog." I've been living and working in New Jersey, playing and relaxing in New York. I've met lots of interesting and wonderful people, gotten angry at politicians for foolish things they say and do, lost little things like ipods and wallets, found some of them where I left them...

I still try to keep abreast of the news, though its so hard to trust... especially when it comes to the election campaign.

I still think cute boys are one of the most compelling reasons to live.

Ehud Olmert is still the PM of Israel. Ha, some things never change.

Oh the Poignancy: Selichot begins... but not everybody's listening

The scene: A gay club in the city, late at night, the music is pumping, lights flashing - dark, sleazy, the air dense with the mingled scents of booze and body, lots of young flesh pulsating to the beat, strobes and lasers, dancers, sex...

Cut to scene: A synagogue, late the same night, a group of Jews gathered for the Selichot (Repentance) prayers. The atmosphere is serious, the cantor's voice melodic, slow, steady, powerful, beautiful, intones the Hebrew words, "At the close of the Sabbath, as we stand here trembling, turn Your ear from the heavens, You who are eternally exalted, to listen to our song and to our prayers." The congregation, still wearing their Sabbath clothes, suits, hats, begins to murmur the words of the prayer, soulfully introspective...

Cut to scene: On the street, outside a college dorm in the city. A group of teens and twenty-somethings hanging out, some making out, some smoking, some just spacing, a boy emerges inebriated from the 24 hour food mart and complains to his friends that they wouldn't sell him any beer. Some rule about not selling booze after 3:00AM? They agree to go find some in the dorm...

Cut to scene: Back at the synagogue, the prayers continue, "Listen to our voices, Adonai, our God, spare us and have mercy upon us, and accept our prayers." The congregation shouts out the words, repeating after him, and then the cantor continues, "Return us to Your service, for we want to return. Renew the days of old." The people repeat after him, each verse. And he continues, standing and swaying before the people, and they respond in turn, "Be attentive to our speech, do not cast us out from before You, and do not remove Your Holy Spirit from within us."

Meanwhile: Someone has turned the music on in the dorm room, blasting Katy Perry, "Cuz your HOT and you're COLD, you're YES and you're NO, you're IN and you're OUT, you're UP and you're DOWN." Three guys are in the dorm room. Two are naked. One has shoved his dick in another's mouth, the third, his lips on the dick of the one being mouth-fucked. Everyone's moving, reaching, trying to get more of the other, feel him more, kiss him more  touch him there...

By this time: The prayers have concluded, the congregants are in their homes, most are probably asleep...

Cut to: A subway train, handful of late night travelers, one guy sprawled out across three seats, fast asleep.


P.S. if you want to hear this prayer, you can find a recording on the virtualcantor site (its called b'motzaei m'nucha). I'd include a link, except that the recording there doesn't at all do justice to the beauty of the way I've heard it sung - so to include the link would just distort your perception of the whole thing.

The Latest

Wow what a weekend! Thursday night I... went to sleep on time! Exciting, no? Then Friday I... went to work... haha but wait, it gets better. Saturday night I partied in Chelsea till like 4:30 AM, at the end it was just me and a bunch of go go boys left in the club. I think it was open late just for them, I dunno why they even let me stay. Maybe one of the gogos had his eyes on me? Or am I dreaming...

Sunday I went to a comedy show, then started walking over to Hells Kitchen and this really hot but seemingly straight guy offered to buy me a drink. And then he took off his shirt and started doing chin ups on the scaffolding for me... I don't get it, but I'll take it... Then I met another cute guy (this one was gay, I'm sure of it...) in a club there and we were up pretty late. And now back at work... Unreal.

Race in Sports and Politics. A Homograph

I ran the NIKE+ Human Race 10K New York in under 57 minutes! Then at the All-American Rejects concert, I somehow ended up right next to this really cute guy and he seemed interested in me. Was I imagining things? He was really nice; I dropped something and it was dark, he bent with his cell phone light to help me look for it. We spoke a little, but it was loud and not suited for conversation there. I had hoped to ask him to join me for a drink or something after the show (if my courage would allow such a thing) but he left before the end and I didn't see him after that. Maybe I'll try missed connections lol. I didn't want to tell him I think he's cute or make any gay references during the show because if I was wrong that would make standing there the whole rest of the concert too awkward...

Afterward, I wandered through the city making stops at several bars and clubs, met some new people, some old people (as in people I knew - I actually didn't met any old people, unless you count the tourist family whose dad asked me about my t-shirt). And when I thought the night was over (and the doorman of the club did insist it was over) I met this great guy going into the subway. We shared a train ride and a moment and our numbers...

Now the weather's been awesome, and it's officially September, and everybody's saying "Back-to-School" and "Hannah Montana" and "Gossip Girl" and it all means nothing to me... it's just work as usual... which is good and bad...

My gym is closing. I don't know what I'll do. I can't live without it. I may have to buy a car just so I can drive to a farther gym...

I'm trying to invest some money. I've thought about stocks, funds, securtized debt... haha the whole world is crying about the collapse of the debt markets and the credit crunch and I want to open a bank. But ya know what? Banks make money. So there. Oh, who knows? All I know is that with significant inflation, I need to do something so my buying power doesn't erode in a savings account.

SEX-wanted ads in Denver spike with DNC

Yeah, except I think you mean that correlation does not imply causation. Correlation certainly does imply correlation!

btw, what do you think is a good gift to give along with Shakespeare's Sonnet 29?

Balancing Cardio and Resistance Training

Yeah, well the new job is in Jersey, so there is the commute issue. But I got a place to stay just minutes from the office and I've been going home just for the weekends. It's only for the summer for now, but anything can happen. I signed up at the local gym. I like the idea of stopping off in the city to go clubbing during my weekly commute. If I'm not sounding coherent, well these 12 hour workdays and late night workouts are not giving me much chance to sleep and I'm trying to get an update posted and get back to work quickly. Ahhh.

Anyway, my phone cracked last week. Thank god for Facebook, I could at least let my friends know why I'm not answering their calls.

My birthday's coming up. Tomorrow, actually. I'm gonna postpone it a few weeks. I really only meant to push it off a few days to a week like usual, but the scheduling has become complicated with a full time job.

Not familiar with the system of flexible birthdays? In the Jewish calendar, the 9th day of the month of Av, on which I was born, is a day of national mourning. So its never been a day for celebrating birthdays. And if I'm gonna change the date anyway, why not stay young a little longer. lol
. . .

I just finished listening to my boss reminisce about the days he worked till 3:00AM. He once billed a client for 24 hours in one day. Yikes! Btw, if you use the ellipse feature in your word processor, make sure people know if you want spaces between the dots. Or don't. Up to you.

Oh yeah, the title. You know me, the titles don't always quite fit. But for the sticklers, make sure you know your primary goals. Make sure you get the right nutrition. There's differences of opinion, but in general you should have sufficient carbs to fuel you cardio and sufficient protein to recover from weight sessions and the key word is balance and don't overdo it.

P.S. Disregard the last thing about the relevance to the title. That advice is silly, get some real advice elsewhere. But if you want to sign up for personal training, let me know. haha

More Later

Haven't updated in awhile. Partly because I didn't have email access when the internet filtering software staged a ferocious coup on my system. My father has graciously tamed that savage beast and made email safe again. Nothing much has happened and yet so much has happened. If you've been reading my blog you may understand. I think I got a better understanding in therapy. I realized that I thought nothing happened if nothing sensational and objectively interesting happened. But I'm trying to see my inner life and thoughts as having some importance of their own, if only because they are important to me. It's hard to believe it because I think this stuff would be boring. Someone else's sh1t would be boring to me. Unless they were important to me (read: cute). But that made me realize that if you like someone their nonsense becomes genuinely important. So I have to think about this. btw, if anyone reading this does appreciate hearing what I have to say, it would help if you told me. More later.

Stonewall 2 on Pride Weekend

The NYPD rolled up in force to club Splash last night in New York City in response to a violent incident involving several of the club's bouncers. At least 6 police vehicles converged on W. 17th St. in Manhattan at 2:44am this morning, some of them remaining on the scene for much of the remainder of the night. Partygoers report that they were largely unaffected by the police presence and praised the better handling of the situation than the debacle of Stonewall 40 years ago.

I Have an Inversion to Life (sic)

So I'm running the 5 Mile tomorrow in Central Park. I went to pick up my number today. The Road Runner's office is right by Museum Mile, which had the street festival today, so I got to go check out a bunch of museums for free. Went to the National Design Museum, the Cooper-Hewitt, the Jewish Museum, and the Met. The line was too long for the Guggenheim, so I had to pass. Then I walked/jogged/ran 80 blocks downtown to meet someone for dinner. I enjoyed it; hope he did too. Then I went to a bar, alone, feeling kinda down. I just needed the restroom, but then I stayed a little for the entertainment - it was karaoke night. I didn't drink anything. Then left, took the subway home.

Walked again from the subway station home. Thinking about how I did so much for so little money but what did I have from it? What was it worth? And even considering how much I was able to do free or very low-cost, I still ended up spending about $35. So this money has to come from somewhere and I need a job. And how much life sucks. And how I thought my life could be different; hoped I could somehow rise above the suckiness, the drama, the pettiness, the roller-coasters. But no, I guess I can't. And it was foolish to think I can.

And I'd better get some sleep if I intend to run tomorrow.

Pretty boy endorses Obama

Pretty boy Senator and former Presidential candidate John Edwards has given his endorsement to Barack Obama. Not the John Edwards gay lover of Francis Bacon, artist, whose painting recently set a record at Sotheby's by selling for over $86 million. That was a different John Edwards. And incidentally, that Francis Bacon wasn't the same as 17th Century philosopher Sir Francis Bacon. Though it seems he was gay too.

Oh, and when a rocket landed a few miles from President George Bush during his visit to Israel and injured 14 people, and Bush criticized Iran, Obama attacked Bush for speaking out against his willingness to negotiate with terrorists. It's all too much.

If You Want to Tell a Story, Tell the Whole Thing. Honestly.

You are going to look like such an ass when (if) this story comes out. The full story, minus your pro-Jewish-mafia redactions.

"At approximately 3:00PM, an NYPD Traffic Agent was writing tickets on 13th Avenue near 53rd Street, and people felt that certain summonses were unjustified. A crowd gathered around the agent, and unfortunately, a Boro Park Shomrim unit was detained by the police. He was taken by a patrol car to the 66th PCT, where various Askonim arrived to offer their assistance."

People felt the summonses were unjustified, a crowd gathered, and "unfortunately" the Shomrim thug just happened to be escorted to the station, huh? Maybe because he attacked a police officer or was found to be obstructing justice? Whatever the case, I doubt the detention was "accidental". Usually these thing happen because you are misbehaving. Own up and obey the law. Shomrim.

Really, this sounds exactly like when I used to fight with my little brother.

Brother: (crying)
Mother: Teddy, what happened here?
Me: Well, he was teasing me and I told him to stop and then he kept doing it and now he started crying.
Mother: What did you do after you told him to stop that made him start crying?

Mr. Shomrim guy, what did you do that made the cops arrest you?

Have We Delivered Up the Youth on the Altar of Education?

I wasn't going to write this article, nor do I necessarily believe that the answer is Yes, or even that this is a sacrifice we should not indeed be making. However, when I searched for the term on Google I found that the terminology of "sacrifice" on the "altar of education" was not even in the vernacular of debate. I thought it was language worth reviewing.

Many young people currently facing the end of Spring Break see their lives as coming to an effective halt, as if someone pressed the Pause button on their existence and sent their "true" selves into another long hibernation until summer. I am the first to recognize the value of education, but I can't help but wonder if there isn't some way to alleviate the real burden these children face. Can the experience be improved? Is accepting the necessity of schooling equal to accepting the necessity of a sacrifice of the value of freedom?

The Biofuels Debacle

"In order for you to put biofuel in your Prius and feel good about yourself for no reason, real actual people in faraway places have to starve to death." ~Mark Steyn on worldwide food shortages in The New York Sun, April 28, 2008.

Side by Side, Issue 3

"I swear—by my life and my love of it—that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine."
~Rand, A. (1957). Atlas Shrugged.

"Naked to the waist, his body a little green, like that of a dead man, the bachelor was lying on an unmade bed. The disorder of sheets and blankets attested to a long death agony. I smiled, thinking about M. Fasquelle. But he wasn't alone; his daughter was taking care of him. On the canvas, the maid, his mistress, her features marked by vice, had already opened a bureau drawer and was counting the money. An open door disclosed a man in a cap, a cigarette stuck to his lower lip, waiting in the shadows. Near the wall a cat lapped milk indifferently. This man had lived only for himself. By a harsh and well-deserved punishment, no one had come to his bedside to close his eyes."
~Sartre, J. (1938; 1st published in U.S., 1959). Nausea.

Out of Context, Issue 8

And it was true, I had always realized it; I hadn't the right to exist. I had appeared by chance, I existed like a stone, a plant or a microbe. My life put out feelers toward small pleasures in every direction. Sometimes it sent out vague signals, at other times I felt nothing more than a harmless buzzing.

Nausea. Sartre, Jean-Paul. New Directions Publishing.

NRA's Newest Recruit

I've never had much interest in guns. Kinda supported gun control. Though I'm distrustful of Big Government controls on personal freedom, I do approve of some measure of restriction in the interest of safety. When Barack Obama said the bitter poor cling to God and guns, I didn't see myself as being within his line of criticism.

Then I held a gun in my hands. Felt the weight of the cold metal, the power. Aimed and fired, heard the pop, felt the recoil and the pure speed of the bullet, watched the shot hit the target, and was changed forever. Guns and knives are beautiful. I tried the rifles and handguns, admired the AK-47 and the M-16, the Barrettas and the Smith & Wessons and Uzis and Glocks. Took note of the differences in aiming and kickback, thought about which would serve best on the battlefield or on the street. I can't really condone illegalizing this form of innocent pleasure. We have to get out of the mindset of, "I don't like it so you can't either."

My freckles are coming out. Not that that's a bad thing. It's cute. But my face just looks dirty from all the hair from not shaving during sefira. And my instructor at the firing range, this Marine, was a major cutie. Maybe that even had something to do with this change of opinion on the gun issue. Yup, just like how my bf convinced me that we have a moral responsibility to go green. Lol. My so-called beliefs are so wishy-washy. Show me a sexy guy and I'm putty. Should I be ashamed of that? I could say I'm just being open-minded and willing to hear new evidence. I'll think about this and get back to you.

Mandala

What can I say? It is insignificant in the great scope of the cosmos, yet there is nothing sublime as the creative act. Fashioning for a thought, a moment, sustainable form, the artist grants permanence to the tenuous, endurance to the ethereal state of the smallest mind.

Is the poet's purpose to entertain? To provoke? To honor? To learn? To preserve?

What if art, too, where unattainable as reality? A creation, that yields no created. A work that, should one attempt to digest it, simply ceases to be. The food of the starving. The food of the sated. The ultimate rendering of that which cannot be rendered, lest it be rendered a rendition.

In other words, art conveys a message of some sort, the conception of which took place in this world of corporeal reality. However, by giving the message form in some artistic medium the artist necessarily dilutes the message by confusing it with its vessel. To truly represent the idea, you would have to reduce it to what it was before it was represented. Whatever that is.

Of course, this very difficulty suggests the richness of art and its power. Accuracy of depiction falls thoroughly silent beside preservation and dissemination of the very soul of Man.

I don't think I was the first one to discuss these ideas. Please tell me if you know who said it.

A word about this post. I've been almost silent lately. My soul has been dormant. Life has been beautiful. Light workload, hot boyfriend, lots of fun and enjoyment. We've even had a spate of gorgeous weather. Living it up, travel, leisure. There is no push to produce; passionate creativity is born of adversity.

My shrink has 45 minute sessions. I asked why he chose that length and if he ever considered the differential effectiveness of alternative session lengths. He said he hadn't, but we could discuss it during our regular therapy session - on the clock. Does this seem right? It seemed funny to me that to address a question of best practices, a question of whether provision of services is being geared toward maximum effectiveness should be billed as therapy. What do you think, maybe I'm wrong.

Why are my sentences so full of ridiculously big words? Why is my writing so cluttered? Talk to me...

Happy Passover

Come November, it looks like I may find myself voting write-in. I've just lost faith in all of the candidates. Here's the latest blow: these guys are debating who's the biggest loser and who's more bitter instead of talking about the issues.

Passover? Fattening as usual. Back to the gym tomorrow. La Fille was pretty good. Natalie Dessay was spectacular as usual. The "humor" was for the most part not funny and just served to incite the people behind me to laugh too loudly. Juan Diego Florez was delicious, though his voice seemed a bit underpowered for the huge Met stage. The round guy playing Sulpice was annoying, but I guess there are those who would find his character humorous and affecting. The production was grand and the story moved quickly to its joyous Salut a la France. And the Duke of Krakenthorp is an Olympic Bobsledder. Get it? HAhaha. That was supposed to be funny. Why aren't you laughing? Bobsledder, get it? Well, neither do I. But I love you anyway.

JK Rowling is an ass to her fans

JK sues her biggest fan for loving her books, vows to waste her time screwing up a good series.

Overheard in New York

Girl 1, on bus: Someone bought dishwashing soap for the apartment. It made me so happy, we had been using hand soap on the dishes.
Girl 2: Ewww gross.
Girl 1: Oh, the hand soap wasn't a problem, it just doesn't cut grease as well as dish soap...

Bush Makes 'Free Trade' National Security Issue, Clinton Lays off Another

I'm becoming uncomfortable with Hillary Clinton. Her reaction (she essentially fired him) to former strategist Mark Penn's meetings with Colombian government officials was unfortunate. In fact, her reaction to any controversial move by any of her staff seems to lead to a high profile firing (i.e. Geraldine Ferraro). Such an attitude fosters a group-think environment which is a proven recipe for poor decision-making (a la the Bay of Pigs invasion).

This is all besides the fact that Mrs. Clinton's stand on the issue at stake in the Penn debacle is incorrect. No, free trade is not a matter of opinion. To oppose free trade is to oppose progress and a dynamic economy. For once, Bush is right. Bush is funny, though. Describing the plan, he said, "While we will continue to work closely with Congress, the need for this agreement is too urgent, the stakes for our national security are too high, to allow this year to end without a vote (Reuters)." Since when did free trade become a national security issue? (Bush Makes 'Free Trade' National Security Issue)

And congestion pricing fails. Go, go, go, go Silver. Why is the usually cool and composed Mayor Bloomberg throwing such a hissy fit over this thing, anyway?

Yeah, more of the same

Why oh why was I condemned to this? So stupid. I didn't go out last night because I thought I could get some sleep after a little while on the internet, but no. No privacy for a minute ALL NIGHT. And no sleep. Should've just gone out. I give up on this stupid house. People coming and going constantly.

Continued

I think I'm having a heart attack. Well, good. I didn't need this fuck-up of a life anyway. Was my dad just waiting for my bros to come back before he leaves?! Why can't they all just get the hell away! I know I sound silly ranting like this.What can I do?

I'm Going to Bore You

Somebody commiserate with me. My life is being destroyed in real time. All I want is a few hours to myself and all I get is backache from sitting and waiting while people keep walking around like this is a train station.

More of My Rant

Oh when will I fucking just give up! I keep getting moments when they'll leave me alone and then someone comes back around and I just have enough time to pull my pants up - or not. It makes my blood pressure go up so high, I'm really in danger.

Idiot Me

DAMN I'm fucking jumping out of my skin!! At 6:00, my brothers finalllly left the house and just five minutes later, my dad comes downstairs again! Not a bleeeping moment of privacy! And I gave up a whole night of sleep for it, too. I give my days to all you people. Keep the days, but at least gie me the nights. Aww, he's so sweet, to. I can't stay mad at my dad. He's going to the bagel store, he just offered to pick me up what I want. He doesn't mean any harm. Brrr.

The City that Never Sleeps? You bet!

It's 1:15am when my dad begins to think about going to bed, but two bros have about another hour of energy left. Then things quiet down about 2:30, but another bro walks in just after 4:00am with five friends in no way ready to sleep. My mom usually wakes up at 5:00, so it's kinda happening non-stop round the clock. Although it's pretty cool sometimes, it often pains me - not because I'm kept up - but because I like the quiet times when I can be alone. God, I can't believe what's going on now. 6 spring breakers stumble in for a pit stop on their way to the the airport for their flight to LA.

P.S. I enjoyed hulu for a couple of days before the evil internet filter began to block it. As it was with Joost before it.

Jetlag

Got back from my West Coast trip. For the details about what I've been up to, check out some of my reviews at Yelp. I walked, bussed, street-car-ed, cable car-ed, trained, subway-ed, swam, danced, and cabbed my way about the bay area. Took in the sights and sounds and smells and semen of the city by the bay. Well, except the part about the semen. My boy's here in New York. P.S. If any of the above seems inappropriate or something, realize I'm running on very little sleep and overlook it, ok? And now for a list of names. In no particular order and of no particular meaning. Alex, Tabby, Nick, Kyle, David, Ammen, John, Andy, Jonathan, Eric, Eva, Yoni

Jewish Life in the Gay Area, err, Bay Area

Shul Announcer: Chabad will be holding a hachnosas sefer torah on Sunday, they usually have fire at these things. . .

Congregant: Will there be sword swallowers?

SA: If you're into that sort of thing. . .

The community is great. Very warm, accepting, open to respecting different ways of living and not insistent on putting everyone into little boxes. . .

Dancing With the Stars

The dancing is kind of cool, but the show is way way overproduced. I mean, six 30 second dance clips do not justify the 2 hour special that was playing throughout my workout this evening.

Hillary Clinton "misspoke" when she implied having landed in Bosnia under fire. Grrr. Stop drudging up the past. I don't care where Hillary was in 1996 as much as I care about where she will be in 2009 and what her plans are for this country. Let's focus the campaign on the issues, please. Ok?

Too Much Privacy for Public Officials?

Senator Obama is "deeply disturbed" that a junior State Department official looked at his travel records. McCain was also upset, calling for "corrective action". Two employees were fired over the breach. Senator Clinton'sWhite House records were finally released, sort of. They contained thousands of redactions that left out more information than they revealed.

What are the candidates for our nation's highest office being so damned secretive about?! Can't take the heat, then get out of the kitchen. You want to be President, well, we want to know what the President is up to! The public has a right to know. You are a public official, hired by the People to do a full time job for us. We are your Board of Directors, you our CEO.

It is also frustrating to hear that the candidates, all current-term Senators, have been missing Senate votes left and right because they are TOO BUSY CAMPAIGNING TO DO THEIR JOB. Why should we trust these people? It makes me sick.