This is great, but what's next

Awesome weekend. First the Ritz with the most perfect fantasy boy, short and cute, supremely confident/cocky, brilliant smile, devious and mischievous knows how to get what he wants, hot body - ripped but soft, loves to go after my crotch. Lol. The only problem is he's so incredible I feel intimidated around him. Also met another guy who was sexy as anything and he got almost naked on the dance floor pulling his pants so low his ass was totally exposed, his shirt open. We left together, but he wanted to go to some after-hours party and I wanted to be home in bed with him. Oh well, the after-party got him. I wasn't gonna drag around to more parties at that time, after 4am.

Then Rush was really hot. Ryan was there and H and D and Chris and P. Also met JS, a cute boy in fashion school and got his number. Eugene was dancing in almost nothing. Got to dance with a couple other guys too, C, M. Fun night overall. But the whole crowd was so hot it was confusing. I didn't know where to focus! I have so much love for all these guys. I want more than dancing with them at a club or a kis here and there. I want to date one of these sexy boys. I don't know what to do.

Still Alive!

Well, winter's fading and I'm coming back. Actually hoped to be resurrected on Easter, but all the workers were off for the Easter holiday. Isn't it ironic that on the holiday of Resurrection, nobody's there to resurrect you? Anyway, in top TV lines this week:

"..but I also like boys" (Elliot on Gossip Girl)
beat out
"You know, dolphins are really just gay sharks" (Brittany on Glee)
for the top spot.

In other news, April 15 came, taxes were paid. Exciting, right?

Oh yeah, I could not believe that Mayor George Moscone was Jesus!! Or at least, that Victor Garber played Jesus in Godspell, and later played Moscone in Milk. He was sort of cute in Godspell, if you can somehow overlook that awful afro.

As for me, I'm so full of love for so many people. I just need for at least one of them to return my love!

-Busy, busy, busy or touched by His Noodly Appendage-

Ok, so I'm trying to decide which religion is better: Bokononism or The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster? Cast your vote in the comments section!

Life in the state of nature is nasty, brutish, and short

Theme Parties Beat Non-Parties Any Day

It really reeks on this subway car. And its a local. Grrr.

I was supposed to go out to a straight club and try meeting some ladies, but the guy I was gonna go with got sick and had to cancel. It worked out great though, because a friend who's in college invited me out to a party at his school. It was awesome. The whole school was out partying, going from apartment to apartment for different theme parties. One was a dance party, one was beer pong, another someone's birthday, next one a "rape party".

Okay. So I just moved to a different subway car and this one smells okay.

Anyway, there was alcohol everywhere, and weed, and who knows what else. Everyone was smiling and happy. I crashed over in my friend's room. Got up early to get the car home to mom and dad. Oops, not early enough. They complained that they were worried about me when I wasn't home when they expected and that they needed the car early in the morning and didn't have it.

It was an awesome night. Always the best nights for me seem to piss off my parents. Which gives me the impression, however skewed and misconstrued, that they resent my happiness [because its source conflicts with their moral values.]

Then the vegetables. My mom worked hard to make a vegetable dish, and I ate most of it while they where out shopping. She wasn't pleased. I had no idea there would be a problem with it. Nobody else but me even eats vegetables in my house anyway. I'm really sorry though.

Living with people sucks. I want my own place, where I can invite only the people I like, and can invite them whenever I want. I want my own car I can take whenever wherever and come back when I want. People are annoying.

Today I thought of going to an Oscar party. Still might, but the Oscars will be over by the time I get there.

I still have no friends. Oh yeah, I started drinking after my parents got pissed. I said they don't love me and all. I always say that when their values clash with my happiness. If they really loved me and knew what love is, how could their values trump my happiness?

P.S. I went to the Oscar party. I caught the last 15-20 minutes of the show, which included all the major awards including best actor, best director, best picture, etc. Not sure what they were doing for the first 3 hours of the awards show.

Geek Porn

Former Sun CEO Jonathan Schwartz tells stories of Steve and Bill he couldn't reveal before. (link)

Wanna Make a 3D Movie Like Avatar? Now You Can!

What you need:

Two HD digital camcorders: $299-$1199 each
1 Tripod: $40-$300
1 dual-cam tripod head: ?make it yourself?
Video editing software: Adobe Premiere Pro CS4 at $685 and Cineform Prospect 3D at $3,000
1 Computer with Intel Core i7 & Monitor: $1449
1 pair of 3D glasses: $7.36 shipped

Producing the next Avatar: $2,389,264,639 and counting

Message from Governor Charlie Crist regarding Martin Grossman

Thousands of people have been emailing Florida Governor Crist about Martin Grossman for the past week. A response has just been emailed out by the Governor – just 30 minutes before the scheduled execution. YWN has received hundreds of emails from readers who have just received the response posted below:

Thank you for contacting me and sharing your concerns about the execution of Martin Grossman.

On December 13, 1984, Mr. Grossman violated the terms of his probation by leaving Pasco County and having a stolen firearm in his possession. In a routine stop, Florida Fish and Wildlife Officer Margaret Park found the weapon. When she reached for the radio in her patrol car to report him, Mr. Grossman attacked her with her own large flashlight, beating her over the head and shoulders 20 to 30 times. When Officer Park tried to fight back, Mr. Grossman took her .357 Magnum revolver and shot her in the back of the head, killing her.

Mr. Grossman took several carefully planned steps to cover up this horrible crime. The weapon was buried, and Mr. Grossman attempted to burn his clothes and shoes, which were later disposed of in a nearby lake. The following day, Mr. Grossman thoroughly cleaned the van and changed its tires to mislead law enforcement.

Officer Park's autopsy revealed lacerations on top of her head, hemorrhaging inside the scalp and extensive fracturing of the skull. All of these injuries resulted from Mr. Grossman's attack. The facts of this crime clearly meet the definition of heinous, atrocious and cruel, and his actions afterward demonstrate his well-reasoned attempts to cover it up.

The courts have fully reviewed Mr. Grossman's legal claims, and his conviction and sentence have been affirmed by both the Florida Supreme Court and the United States Supreme Court. Based on the facts and exhaustion of legal proceedings, and in accordance with Florida law, I signed his death warrant on January 12, 2010.

Thank you again for taking the time to contact me.

—– Forwarded Message —-
From: Governor Charlie Crist; Charlie.Crist@eog.myflorida.com;
Sent: Tue, February 16, 2010 5:12:12 PM
Subject: A Message from Governor Charlie Crist regarding Martin Grossman


Mr. Governor,

I have not up to this point taken an interest in the Grossman case, as
it is far from home and I did not feel it concerned me. However, after
reading the disgusting email you just sent out, I had to voice my
concern. My email isn't about Mr. Grossman. It's about a horrifying
lack of humanity just now displayed by a United States Governor.

Your unfeeling, even cruel, response to the pleas for mercy was
appalling. The irrelevancy of what you wrote is shocking. You write
about how Mr. Grossman burned his clothes and changed tires on his
car. This is a reason to kill a man?!!

You wrote: "Mr. Grossman took several carefully planned steps to cover
up this horrible crime." Is there a death penalty for trying to cover
up a crime?

A moment after he's dead, you will realize (if you have any conscience
at all) the weight of the responsibility you will bear for the rest of
your life. A shame you didn't realize it a moment before.


Respectfully yours,

Teddy Douglas

Superbowl Party

Went to a Superbowl party Sunday night by Y&A, but got there after the game. I made up to meet MA there, got out of the subway and saw the game was over so I tried to get in touch with MA and see what the deal is. He wasn't answering his phone. I was going crazy but finally he texted me back. I tried to call, no answer, I didn't want to text in the cold. My fingers were freezing. Also, it would be faster if we could just talk for a second. Finally he picked up. (Later he told me his phone is broken that the ringer doesn't work.) He said the game is over, but the party's still going strong so come on over. I did and had a great time. It was a fun, relaxing atmosphere, friendly. Conversation.

And I met J. Adorable NYU boy, film buff. I didn't do anything too flirty or try to pick him up. Then got to my bus at just after 12:30, next bus isn't till 1:45. Went and got Coldstone to kill some time, then sat down and began writing this.

--
2/9
Slightly annoyed that work might be closed for a snow day tomorrow. I don't want to lose a day's pay!

A Winter Wonderland

This weekend rocked!!!

Thursday night I met J at Splash. Also briefly saw M when he came in. He looks bangin'! Justin had this cute skinny boy, R, who had an apartment in the city. Actually, that was his last night in the apartment, he was flying back to LA the next day. So we "anti-christ"ened the apartment with a delightful threesome. He left the hot water running in the shower all night to help warm the place. By morning the walls and windows were all wet, water was dripping from the ceiling. We spent some time wiping down all the surfaces. The we found out we were locked in the apartment. Apparently, J accidentally pushed a button on the door as he left and we were stuck. R got the door open by sticking a screwdriver or something in to reach the button. Anyway. So he was really cute and super skinny and J's cute and it was really fun.

On my way home I got a green juice. Freshly squeezed celery, spinach, kale and some other greens. Tasted ok, not wonderful but you know its super healthy, right?

Saturday night I drove to Rush, was there for 10 minutes maybe and wasn't feeling it. I started going to leave, but H recognized me and I started dancing with him. That was fun. He's super cute. Then he went to look for a muscle boy, and I met Ryan!! Ryan is this incredibly hot guy, he was there with a few girlfriends. I got to make out with him and some of the girls and it was like threesome, foursome, we tried to get all our mouths together at once. He was sooo fun! He was all perky and peppy and happy it was hot.

Then I met A. He has beautiful eyes. Skinny, good looking 19 year old, had his shirt half off so was lookin pretty sexy. He was dancing with a guy, but he gave me a look that said take me, so I went over, started dancing the 3 of us, but when A and I started making out the other guy kinda slipped out from between us and gave us our space. Then A's friends made him leave, I went back over to Ryan and crew for some more dancing. When he left the night was about over, but I offered Haven a ride home (to Brooklyn). It was great driving with him. He's a great guy. A lot of fun to be around, and adorable to boot. Actually, scorching hot. Back in his gogo dancer days (he's only 17 now, btw, so don't get the wrong idea about 'back in his gogo dancer days' lol) I used to come to the club just to see him. There are only a couple dancers ever I came just to see. It was exciting to spend time with him. He was thanking me for the ride, but the pleasure was all mine. And no, we didn't have sex in the car. But we might go out on a date. Who knows. I might go out with A, too. I didn't get Ryan's number. Found him on Facebook, but didn't friend him. Yet. Never quite sure how to approach that.

P apparently hates me now. Maybe for friending him on facebook. Not sure what I did or why he would hate me. Oh, he was there too. He liked Ryan and tried to push me away from him. He made out with Ryan a little; I backed off a drop. But then he was gone. I don't get him. Ryan gave me a hickey. Soon enough they were closing up the club.

I offered H a ride home to his place. His friend was going to come with us, but kinda wanted to go home with a buncha other guys headed to some apartment in the city to have some crazy orgy or something I don't know. He wanted H to come. H wasn't interested. Eventually the friend got in the car and we started to go, but then he decided he wants to go to their little fck fest and got out. I don't know what happened to him. I drove H home. It was a nice ride. And he kissed me before he got out, made me happy.

I got home pretty late, probably around a quarter to 6 or so. Watched a little of a Modern Family episode. Found it funny. Not sure if it was or I was just in that overtired state where everything is funny. Finally went to sleep.

Holidays in NYC. So Long Ago. Touching.

I'm sitting on the subway looking conspicuous as I type out this post.
But as I look to my left, I see a guy reading on a Kindle, and with
the guy on my right playing games on his smartphone and the girl
across the car selecting songs on her iPod, I figure I'm not that out
of place with a netbook on my lap.

The weekend was crazy. First, I made up to meet a few friends at a
party in midtown. I got to the place and took one look at the line,
and hailed a cab. I had started drinking on the bus to the city, so I
was in no mood to wait on line to get in. I take it as a personal
affront to have to wait on line, and don't frequent places that behave
offensively to their guests.

The backup was even better anyway. The crowd was younger, the vibe was hotter (of course, I don't know this to be true because I didn't actually go inside the first place but whatever). And I met my friends
there. Turns out they couldn't get in to the other place because their
fake IDs didn't work or something. Wasn't long before I found myself
leaving with an adorable couple to an apartment they had available a
few blocks away. Not sure whose apartment it was. He was a Greek
architecture student in New York, he was studying politics in Boston
and they came out to the club straight from the holiday midnight mass.
The next day he was taking his boyfriend to meet the 'rents at the
estate upstate.

I loved watching the way they looked at each other, and being in the
thick of it. Watching them kiss each other and then me I guess made me
feel almost part of what they had, which seemed so beautiful. Such
wonderful smiles, and terrific bodies. It was such a warm, comforting,
happy way to sleep with two other awesome people in the bed.

I watched another episode of Glee. That makes 2. Everybody loves it.
I'm not convinced.

I watched "Cowboys & Angels". It almost made me cry. Not because it
was so good. It was an average movie. Allen Leech is hot as Vincent,
the gay art student. And the other guy is kinda cute too. But the
theme of being afraid to do what you want, taking the safe way even
though it may be suboptimal and leave you feeling unfulfilled... I
worry about that. Of course, I was rooting for the two guys to hook
up. Spoiler alert: They don't. The roommate is straight.

I have followed some of my dreams. And it led to moments and times of
extraordinary pleasure and satisfaction. I followed the dream of going
to college, but only part-way. I didn't go to an ivy league school,
didn't dorm in a residential college. I went to second tier commuter
schools. I didn't continue on for a doctorate. Didn't complete a
double major. I could complain that money was a factor. I could
complain that my teachers or school didn't offer the support they
should have. I could complain about lots of thing but the decisions
ultimately were mine. Except for not geting into the PhD programs I
wanted. That wasn't for lack of trying. But still, I gave up that
dream too easily. Perhaps because it wasn't mine. I don't have any
such dreams. My answer to "What do you want to be when you grow up"
was "Me? Grow up? I don't know what you're talking about."

I followed the dream of pursuing sexual encounters with boys. I owe my
life to that. No way I could have continued on in life without that.

The dream of becoming wealthy is one I hope to pursue, but I don't
know what way will get me there.

The dream of having good friends...

I don't let myself dream big because I'm afraid of what happens to
dreams deffered. I think its gross the way they fester like a sore and
shrivel up like a raisin in the sun. I'm frightened they may even
explode.

Anyway, then I went out to a friend's birthday party. Danced away the
night and had a good time. Yes, the birthday boy is someone I've slept
with. And yes, I still have a crush on him. But I don't think he sees
anything sexual in our friendship any longer. I was dancing with
another guy I met at the party and he kept leaning in to try to kiss
me. A third year law student, kinda cute, but I wasn't interesed in
making out with him. Not really his fault, it was just my mood or
whatever. Too much excitement for one weekend with the threesome the
other night...

So at about 2 o'clock he starts hinting he's ready to leave. I'm
thinking "cool, I've had my eye on that guy across the room - that one
with the short blond hair and vest, wait there goes the vest, that
shirtless hottie - and I've been too polite to slip away from you
(besides, this bar is too small and you'd for sure see me with him)".
So he's hinting he's ready to leave and wouldn't mind us leaving
together. But I didn't quite take that part of the hint, and said,
"Okay do you want to give me your number?" He said he wants do give me more than his number... I asked if maybe his email addres would be better. He reached in for a kiss. I gently but firmly held him back.
At this point he's just annoying. He was fun for a dance and a smoke
(I don't smoke and I don't think he did either, but going outside the
club for some fresh air and a quieter place to talk might as well be
going for a smoke because all the smokers congregate outside the
smoke-free bar) but now it's past your bedtime, you invited me over, I
as much as said "not tonight" and you're still here? What do you want?
Well, he stuck around a bit more. He walked me to my car with his
umbrella and then asked for a ride to his place. Once there he thought
we should look for parking so I could come inside, but I had to get
home so he just jacked me off in the car... The end.

Finishing up this post waiting for the bus, then going to kick back with my Love It of Coldstone and Woody Allen's Manhattan on DVD as I'm chauffered around. Luxury on a poor man's budget.

Romantic Story for Valentine's Day

Okay so I had an insanely awesome time at the club. First I met this really super hot boy. He was totally an angel. That he wanted to dance with me is proof there is a god! I got there at about 12:58. Waited on line outside for 4 minutes, and got to the cashier at 1:02. He insisted on charging the after-1:00AM price, an extra $5. So bad. If you're selling a fun experience, you should be nice to people. If it's your fault I missed the cutoff because of the line, give it to me. A lot of places will cut the line at the deadline, so if you're there it counts. Oh well. It was to be the least of my extra expenses for the weekend... Still a bad business practice. But what do they care. The money's rolling in. They're at capacity anyway. So what if people think the place is trashy.

The hotel was really nice. I was surprised how big the room was. Very comfortable bed. The linens could have been softer, but the pillows were perfect. The decor was very pretty. Not much of a view, but at least you had something. Kind of amazing how many rooms they had. The building is enormous. There was a maze of rooms on my floor. It was also kind of weird how each floor was so different. Some floors are dorms, some are offices. The hotel only has some of the floors. So going up the elevator, the door opened at some floors to ugly worn out carpeting or sanitized waiting room-looking spaces, before opening on my floor to a fairly lavish landing that made me feel vaguely uncomfortable--brought on a slight pang of socialist guilt. The sound of fucking couples in the rooms around me made me wish my angel had come home and spent the night with me, but in the end he did better: he spent the next day with me. [Ed. note: The hotel in the story is the New Yorker.]

I woke up with a brief workout, and then showered and checked out.

We met and walked to Billy's Bakery for some heavenly upcakes (more proof that he was truly an angel), and then walked to Parke & Ronen for some shopping. We each tried on some shirts and pants and things, then he said he'd try on a bathing suit if I would. Deal! He picked this wonderfully short tight trunk and modeled it, God! he was yummy. I also tried on a hot orange-ish number. The sales guy told us they have three sizes. He was wearing the 2 inch inseam, and I was wearing the eight inch inseam and there's another one in between. He looked divine. And sexy as hell in the store, which has big glass windows onto the street with nothing on but this teeny weeny bathing suit and socks! It's nowing outside. Just flurries, but still. I think I looked cute in the bathing suit too. I should have bought it, but it was pretty expensive, and you don't think of buying swimsuits in winter. But it can't hurt to be prepared...

Then we went for brunch at 202. It's inside a clothing store, in this little enclave of shops built in a renovated Nabisco factory with a lot of the industrial look from the factory preserved, but decorated so as to make for a very warm and cozy and comfortable feel. Great little place. Very romantic. And just a tad touristy? The food was amazing. This guy really knows how to pick places to go, foods to eat. If Jesus was anything like [_______], I could understand how Chrsitian theology began... Am I getting carried away? Just a little bit?

So anyway, from brunch we walked down to Theory. Wait before we left 202, we stopped to use the restroom. So it was very cute. It's not a restroom with stalls, it's one of the ones with just one at a time. So there's one upstairs, and one downstairs. He suggested I go downstairs and he'd go upstairs, more efficient that way. But the upstairs one was occupied and when I came out, I saw a vision of a HAWT guy waiting outside, a beautiful smile on his cherubic face. Took me a sec to realize it's my boy! He was dressed in layers, so each time he's take off a sweater or put on a jacket or retie his scarf or walk into a different light, he'd

OMG Bad Romance came on my headphones and I just had to stop my story and enjoy.

Okay, where was I? he'd look different, but each time super hot. Remember the post where I said a true model makes the clothing he wears look good, even if it really doesn't? He looked awesome in whatever he put on. And being super skinny is part of it. I understand why models are skinny. People talk shit about the fashion industry for its skinny models. But I'm pretty slim, but I couldn't wear six layers and make it look incredible. You need to almost be so skinny the clothes wear you to really show them off. But my angel doesn't look emaciated or anorexic. He's just right.

Back on track.

So when he came out of the restroom, before we left, I leaned in to just give him like a welcome back kiss before we'd leave, which turned into

I'mn typing to the beat of Lady Gaga's Alejandro Ale Ale jandro

it almost must look to the people in this subway car like there's something musical about this story... All in my head

anyway, the kiss turned into a full-blown makeout session. A store employee passed by and said he's not offended by [our behavior] but you never know who might come by, so if we could move it outside. See, its a totally gay neighborhood, and the employee was probably gay and all, but its also a bit touristy, and with those tourists you never can tell... a lot of tourists come from Bibelly places and expect New York to be all bibelly too...

So next, we went to Theory. I kinda hoped I wouldn't find anything I liked, because I didn't want to spend any more money... Alexandre needed to pick up some p.j.'s his mom wanted to get for his sister. It's cute. His sister went and picked out what she wanted, and told her mom what to get her as a gift. Anyway, the thing was skimpy as hell. It was a sexy boy brief that I thought was so progressive of his mom to get for her daughter...

We picked out a few items to try on. So they had great service in Theory (they'd better for the prices they charge) that thy put things in the dressing room as you pick them out and then you can go into the all-set-up dressing room. So we went to try the stuff on and it took us a sec to see which dressing room they had set up for which of us, so first the attendant pointed us each to our dressing room, then he mixed it up and said, no it was other way around... or you can just go together. Together? the angel asked with a wink toward me? Hell yes. (Haha, before when he was getting dressed after trying stuff on in P&R he put his undershirt on inside out, I pointed this out - and noted I only said something because I just wanted to see him take off his shirt again :)

So we went into the dressing room together. We didn't do anything but try on clothes, but it was fun to be together in that intimate setting. And taking off clothes of course.

Then we went to Joe's for coffee. He promised great coffee and delivered. His parents and sisters met us there. It was so awesome, I got to meet his folks. His dad was great. I didn't get to speak to his mom or sis's too much. But if we get married, I'd totally down with his family. I hope they liked me... maybe I'd even go out to meet him. Oh. See, there's the rub. He's from upstate, so about 2 hours away. That I could deal with. I'd totally be there all the freaking time. But he's in school in Pittsburgh, and that's more of an issue. And it's a five year architecture program, and he's only in the first year.

Oh yeah, that's another thing. He's 19. It's amazing he said he first thought when he saw me at the club I was too young for him. But no. I'm a couple years older. But none of that is a problem. That's all awesome. The problem is with him out in Pitt, we can't really date. So the goodbye was more than goodbye, I'll see you later. It was like goodbye, I probably won't see you for at least several months. After a parting passionate kiss, we said good bye.

Best fucking day ever!!

Life update. This post is the anti-Twitter

Wow. So I had some vacation days from work that expire at year's end, so I took off two Mondays for some long weekends. Last Monday, I went out to the Opera with a beautiful 18 year old boy at FIT. I thought it was kind of a date, and I think we both had a good time. After the show, we parted and each began heading home in our separate directions. Somehow, about 15 minutes later we bumped into each other in Times Square. I don't know what it means. IT WAS SO RANDOM! But we hung out for a little bit in Times Square, and then went home. I was happy for the extra time with him. But this weekend he was pretty spotty with answering my calls or texts.

Friday night, a 20 year old from Parsons came over. I've known him for some time, but I'm not really that into him. We fooled around a little, but I didn't want to kiss or have sex with him. He kept asking why not, and trying to go in for a kiss. Like really kept trying again and again. Too much.

Hey, why do people ask the stupid questions whose answers they don't want to know? Like, "So how many boys have you brought back here?" I don't get it. You want me to say you're my one and only? You may one day be. But you can't erase my past, so what do you want? I should tell you all about how you're one of a long illustrious line of hot boys? Or lie and say you're the first? I mean, when you ask a question like that, what do you want to hear?

Now that awful Gaga song is stuck in my head. I'm almost afraid to tell you which one because you probably haven't heard it and if you go find it, the song's awfulness may become lodged in your head as well. It's called Monster, and the refrain "He ate my heart, he a-a-ate my heart" is pretty much the whole song.

I got a few cool items. A memory foam mattress topper which I'm lying on right now for the first time. Well, second. I lied it out on the floor when it came, but this is the first time I set it up on my bed.

Today in the city I got a few reed diffusers from Sabon (check them out - great stuff!) and put them around my room. I am now taking repeated deep breaths because with every breath I want to inhale deeply the fragrance.

I stayed at a cool hotel (the Benjamin) as part of my "staycation". But no one would join me, so I enjoyed it alone. But it sucked to be alone. I kept reaching out to people to come visit, but half the time they were busy or away or couldn't make it, and half the time they said they would come and then "their phone died" and I didn't hear back until the next day.

The hotel's fitness room was fairly small, but I had it all to myself. Felt like my own private gym. And they had a great steam room. The room was well appointed, and of a pretty fair size for the city. I had enough booze with me for a football team, but I didn't drink. I was feeling too good to drink by myself, but it still hurt that I was so alone. (Another giant breath of Sabon Bordeaux.)

I have a massive pile of unwashed laundry at the foot of my bed. By tomorrow morning it's going to be my freshest-smelling load of dirty laundry ever.

When I asked about the wifi, the guy at the hotel desk told me it was $12.99 for 24 hours. Well, what he didn't say is that the hotel's wifi is also available through Boingo, which charges just $10 a month. Think maybe that's something he could have mentioned?

At 3:00AM I called the desk and ordered a pillow. Whatever.

I got a haircut. But you might not even notice. I told him to leave it long. Partly because I want it long, partly because I didn't trust him. I think it was a good choice. New Yorkers who love their barber or stylist - please comment and tell me who you use.

The super sexy 18 year old bi boy who goes to school upstate is home for the holidays. I was looking forward to seeing him. He almost came over, but his "phone died" and we couldn't coordinate. I'm tempted to believe it's true. But it's been happening so often with different people...

The TV in the hotel was beyond useless. Nice big screen, 25 or so different channels. Nothing on. Ever. I think they do it on purpose to try to sell you VoD movies. But I decided to just stream stuff on my laptop, tiny screen and all. At least I get to choose what to watch. In the end I didn't spend much time watching anyway.

Next stops. Sephora, Bloomingdales, H&M. At Sephora, I was overwhelmed by the vast numbers of tiny bottles and jars with exhorbitant price tags that, as far as I could tell, all do the same thing. Or nothing at all. Who knows, right? I went over to the men's fragrances and sprayed them all on those little tester paper strips (which Sephora actually named "Scenta") and smelled them. I wasn't a fan of 212Men, but I liked 212SexyMen (it's different, dark, not your everyday scent) and Gucci Pour Homme (more classical). Givenchy Play Intense was interesting. Not bad, but probably not for me. Some of them just reeked bad. Malodorous. Interesting that I liked the sexy men but not the plain men...

I also saw the brand of toiletries they had at the hotel. That was cool. A lot of hotels have hotel-branded "specially made" stuff that you can never find in a store (probably because in the store it's sold under the Procter & Gamble label...)

H&M was a hot mess. I would so go there to shop for boys, but it seems the boys aren't for sale. But I digress. So there was a shirt I wanted. I own one, and I wear it all the time, and I want to get a few more just like it. Maybe in a few different colors. Why is this so difficult? So the shirt is $40. But they have another line of shirts for $20. The difference? The $20 line is cut wrong, made from cheap materials and generally just a pile of trash. So why do they adulterate their clothing with inferior stuff like that? Maybe it's a good thing. I don't know. It has happened before. Two vests. Same style and color and everything. One is 100% cotton, the other ersatz polyester. But what really threw me is that when I found the shirt I wanted, it was covered with dust. Looked like it was still there untouched from that last time when I bought the shirt that started this journey. Wow. Dusty clothing on store racks. Big no-no. I didn't buy it.

At Bloomingdales, the dressing rooms were so big and spacious I thought it might be a good place to hook up. Cheaper than a hotel. That idea was dampened when after a few minutes inside an attendant called out, "Eveything fit okay?" But I still think it could work. Hey, it beats the johns in the college library...

I feel like every one of my friends wrote a tweet or a status raving about how awesome the movie Avatar is. I'd never even heard of it until this deluge of viral.

Well you're all caught up now. [Actually, you're not caught up because it took me weeks to actually post this. Sorry, I'll try to get the next piece up son. Stay tuned.]

New Year's post

Good evening New York! Welcome to 2010! So New Year's eve was a blast. Clubbing was lots of fun. My friend Alcohol made sure of that. I got to dance with lots of lovely people.

Then I slept a lot for the first few days of the year. I followed my tweeps and read my news feed. I watched YouTube vids, and Family Guy. Oh! I watched Yossi & Jagger. I got confused in the middle when Jagger turned into Lior, so just be aware that they are the same person. Beyond that, I don't want to give away any spoilers. Go watch it. It's only an hour long and available to Watch Instantly from Netflix. You'll appreciate it better if you understand Hebrew, but it has subtitles. It's sad.

Wait. People! Has anything happened in the new year? Like in the news, politics, wars, terrorists? Why haven't I heard a single thing from the real world. Gosh I need to get better connected.

Anyway, I'm typing this on the subway again. It's a pretty convenient time to just type because there is no Internet access to distract me. I should probably work on better distraction-handling.
Wow. I just spent 15 minutes on the train getting to the stop I usually get on at because the bus I usually take comes only once an hour or so, while the bus to the other stop comes like every 10 minutes. So if I don't time the right bus, it's faster to go out of the way. But the whole system is kind of unfortunate.

I booked a hotel for the night, so I'll head over there and then decide what to do. I need some excitement. I really need some good friends, but I'll just soothe myself with excitement until you guys show up.

OMG, when I saved this document, it's the first time I dated something with 2010! Which brings me to the topic of New Year's resolutions. What do I want to change? I think one thing would be to read more. Maybe start a side business or second job. I want to accomplish more at work in less time.

I don't know. I need to reach out for help. TBC

I haven't forgotten you <3

I've been writing posts, but didn't have a chance to edit and upload in a while. They'll be going up shortly, I hope. And with more text than you probably care to read!

Tweets from the Trenches

@ItsMeAntoinette buhh , i do gotta pee; it's taking FOREVER to get off this plane. about 5 hours ago from mobile web

@SeaTweets Just landed in slc. Sitting near the back of the plane and I REALLY have to pee. Let's make this a speedy de-plane, fe
about 21 hours ago from twidroid

@everythingisaok I have to pee sooooooooooo bad, and people are getting off the plane like we have all night.
1 day ago from txt

@speckie721 Can I get off this plane. I gotta pee.
2 days ago from UberTwitter

@CandiceBarrans OMG I have to pee ane plane wont stop taxing!
4 days ago from txt

@ckcoburn LET ME OFF THIS PLANE I HAVE TO PEE

A Whole Lot of Nothing...

Wow. So I had some vacation days from work that expire at year's end, so I took off two days for some long weekends. Last week, I went out to the Opera with a beautiful 18 year old boy at FIT. I thought it was kind of a date, and I think we both had a good time. After the show, we parted and each began heading home in our separate directions. Somehow, about 15 minutes later we bumped into each other in Times Square. I don't know what it means. IT WAS SO RANDOM! But we hung out for a little bit in Times Square, and then went home. I was happy for the extra time with him. But this weekend he was pretty spotty with answering my calls or texts.

Friday night, a 20 year old from Parsons came over. I've known him for some time, but I'm not really that into him. We fooled around a little, but I didn't want to kiss or have sex with him. He kept asking why not, and trying to go in for a kiss. Like really kept trying again and again. Too much.

Hey, why do people ask the stupid questions whose answers they don't want to know? Like, "So how many boys have you brought back here?" I don't get it. You want me to say you're my one and only? You may one day be. But you can't erase my past, so what do you want? I should tell you all about how you're one of a long illustrious line of hot boys? Or lie and say you're the first? I mean, when you ask a question like that, what do you want to hear?

Now that awful Gaga song is stuck in my head. I'm almost afraid to tell you which one because you probably haven't heard it and if you go find it, the song's awfulness may become lodged in your head as well. It's called Monster, and the refrain "He ate my heart, he a-a-ate my heart" is pretty much the whole song.

I got a few cool items. A memory foam mattress topper which I'm lying on right now for the first time. Well, second. I lied it out on the floor when it came, but this is the first time I set it up on my bed.

Today in the city I got a few reed diffusers from Sabon (check them out - great stuff!) and put them around my room. I am now taking repeated deep breaths because with every breath I want to inhale deeply the fragrance.

I stayed at a cool hotel as part of my "staycation". But no one would join me, so I enjoyed it alone. But it sucked to be alone. I kept reaching out to people to come visit, but half the time they were busy or away or couldn't make it, and half the time they said they would come and then "their phone died" and I didn't hear back until the next day.

The hotel's fitness room was fairly small, but I had it all to myself. Felt like my own private gym. And they had a great steam room. The room was well appointed, and of a pretty fair size for the city. I had enough booze with me for a football team, but I didn't drink. I was feeling too good to drink by myself, but it still hurt that I was so alone. (Another giant breath of Sabon Bordeaux.)

I have a massive pile of unwashed laundry at the foot of my bed. By tomorrow morning it's going to be my freshest-smelling load of dirty laundry ever.

When I asked about the wifi, the guy at the hotel desk told me it was $12.99 for 24 hours. Well, what he didn't say is that the hotel's wifi is also available through Boingo, which charges just $10 a month. Think maybe that's something he could have mentioned?

At 3:00AM I called the desk and ordered a pillow. Whatever.

I got a haircut. But you might not even notice. I told him to leave it long. Partly because I want it long, partly because I didn't trust him. I think it was a good choice. New Yorkers who love their barber or stylist - please comment and tell me who you use.

The super sexy 18 year old bi boy who goes to school upstate is home for the holidays. I was looking forward to seeing him. He almost came over, but his "phone died" and we couldn't coordinate. I'm tempted to believe it's true. But it's been happening so often with different people...

The TV in the hotel was beyond useless. Nice big screen, 25 or so different channels. Nothing on. Ever. I think they do it on purpose to try to sell you VoD movies. But I decided to just stream stuff on my laptop, tiny screen and all. At least I get to choose what to watch. In the end I didn't spend much time watching anyway.

Next stops. Sephora, Bloomingdales, H&M. At Sephora, I was overwhelmed by the vast numbers of tiny bottles and jars with exhorbitant price tags that, as far as I could tell, all do the same thing. Or nothing at all. Who knows, right? I went over to the men's fragrances and sprayed them all on those little tester paper strips (which Sephora actually named "Scenta") and smelled them. I wasn't a fan of 212Men, but I liked 212SexyMen (it's different, dark, not your everyday scent) and Gucci Pour Homme (more classical). Givenchy Play Intense was interesting. Not bad, but probably not for me. Some of them just reeked bad. Malodorous. Interesting that I liked the sexy men but not the plain men...

I also saw the brand of toiletries they had at the hotel. That was cool. A lot of hotels have hotel-branded "specially made" stuff that you can never find in a store (probably because in the store it's sold under the Procter & Gamble label...)

H&M was a hot mess. I would so go there to shop for boys, but it seems the boys aren't for sale. But I digress. So there was a shirt I wanted. I own one, and I wear it all the time, and I want to get a few more just like it. Maybe in a few different colors. Why is this so difficult? So the shirt is $40. But they have another line of shirts for $20. The difference? The $20 line is cut wrong, made from cheap materials and generally just a pile of trash. So why do they adulterate their clothing with inferior stuff like that? Maybe it's a good thing. I don't know. It has happened before. Two vests. Same style and color and everything. One is 100% cotton, the other ersatz polyester. But what really threw me is that when I found the shirt I wanted, it was covered with dust. Looked like it was still there untouched from that last time when I bought the shirt that started this journey. Wow. Dusty clothing on store racks. Big no-no. I didn't buy it.

At Bloomingdales, the dressing rooms were so big and spacious I thought it might be a good place to hook up. Cheaper than a hotel. That idea was dampened when after a few minutes inside an attendant called out, "Eveything fit okay?" But I still think it could work. Hey, it beats the johns in the college library...

I feel like every one of my friends wrote a tweet or a status raving about how awesome the movie Avatar is. I'd never even heard of it until this deluge of viral.

Well you're all caught up now. And as for making my posts more explicit, well, maybe that will come later...

Collected Screenshots

Cute Marc Jacobs model. This guy is the definition of a top model: He makes whatever they dress him in look good. I had to catch myself and think about how they would look on me before rushing to buy a bunch of clothes because they looked great on him.





For a brief time, Google searches for NY Senate described the chamber's website as "Marriage Equality: New York State Senate". We know that didn't last.



$100,000 for the Norton Internet Security suite, Netbook edition. A bit pricey, methinks. Especially for the netbook user on a budget!

Senate Fails to Grant Marriage Equality #NYMarriageDebate

This morning, the New York State Senate voted down a bill that would have granted equal marriage rights to gay and lesbian citizens.

Accountability 2010!
Regular readers may have noticed there's a new Donate button in the sidebar. After being deeply disappointed by this morning's failure of the same-sex marriage bill, I am scrambling to organize a campaign to hold those Senators who voted NO accountable for their actions.

The next steps will be to identify which of these are the first up for re-election, which of them we have the best chance of defeating, and then which opposing candidate to support - be it a same-party candidate in the primaries or the opposing party candidate. Your support, in any way you can, makes a difference.

To all those Senators who voted in favor, thank you for being, as President Obama might say, on the right side of history. Special thanks to Senators Tom Duane, Eric Adams, Toby Ann Stavisky, Pedro Espada, Malcolm Smith, and John Sampson, for your leadership in support of the bill.

The Blacklist:

Joseph Addabbo (D)
James Alesi (R)
Darrel Aubertine (D)
John Bonacic (R)
John DeFrancisco (R)
Ruben Diaz (D)
Hugh Farley (R)
John Flanagan (R)
Charles Fuschillo, Jr. (R)
Martin Golden (R)
Joseph Griffo (R)
Kemp Hannon (R)
Shirley Huntley (D)
Owen Johnson (R)
Carl Kruger (D)
Andrew Lanza (R)
Bill Larkin (R)
Kenneth LaValle (R)
Vincent Leibell (R)
Tom Libous (R)
Elizabeth Little (R)
Carl Marcellino (R)
George Maziarz (R)
Roy McDonald (R)
Hiram Monserrate (D)
Thomas Morahan (R)
Michael Nozzolio (R)
George Onorato (D)
Frank Padavan (R)
Michael Ranzenhofer (R)
Joseph Robach (R)
Stephen Saland (R)
James Seward (R)
Dean Skelos (R)
William Stachowski (D)
Dale Volker (R)
George Winner (R)
Catherine Young (R)

Thanks to Irene Jay Liu from timesunion for providing the roll call.

Assembly Passes Gay Marriage Again as it Waits for Senate Action

The New York State Assembly has passed a gay marriage bill for a 3rd time in 2 years, early this morning, as it continues to wait for the State Senate to take action.

While I'm here, about my life. I've met so many amazing people lately. It's what makes life great. It's funny, because I've said before how true Sartre's definition of Hell rings (*Hell is other people). But that just depends which people. Anyway, it's hard to talk about details without anonymity (see Matt at DTB's explanation - I'll get the link up when I have a moment).

So much I want to say, but it's become a lot harder to say it. Anyway, no time now. Back to work. Ttyl.

P.S. Now would be a great time to call and write legislators in New York and New Jersey to demand marriage equality.

It's Back on the Agenda: Yes on S4401

Please take a moment to call the New York State Senate and urge them to vote YES on S4401 to support marriage equality in the State of New York.

Put on your boxing gloves: It's baaaack.





English boy band Take That pose in combat boots, boxer shorts and red boxing gloves, circa 1995. L-R, Mark Owen, Howard Donald, Jason Orange, Robbie Williams and Gary Barlow. (Photo by Dave Hogan/Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

Call now 518-455-2800 and tell our Senators you support fair marriage rights and they should too. You can also access the Senate website and share your support for same sex marriage.

The language of the bill states, in part:

Same-sex couples and their children should have the same access as others to the protections, responsibilities, rights, obligations, and benefits of civil marriage...

It is the intent of the legislature that the marriages of same-sex and different-sex couples be treated equally in all respects under the law...

No application for a marriage license shall be denied on the ground that the parties are of the same, or a different, sex.

And perhaps my favorite part:

This act shall take effect immediately.

They were there. Don't let them forget their committment.

New York Governor David Paterson, second left, a supporter of gay marriage, and Michael Bloomberg, second right, mayor of New York City, participate in the Heritage of Pride Parade on June 28, 2009 in New York. (UPI Photo/Monika Graff)

He wasn't there. Don't let him get re-elected.





Anti-Gay Senator Chooses Opposition to Marriage Equality Over Party





P.S. If you live in Diaz's district in New York (32) and want to run against him for his Senate seat, please let me know.

P.P.S. I am deeply ashamed of portions of the Orthodox Jewish community that has taken upon itself to oppose this much-needed legislation. After Jews were persecuted for so many years, we of all people should understand the plight of those who are discriminated against and not join their oppressors.
















These people went to Albany to deny your civil rights.

Rabbi Shmuel Lefkowitz, Rabbi Mordechai Biser, Chaskel Bennett, Rabbi Mechel Deutsch, Tzvi Gluck, Leon Goldenberg, Rabbi Yakov Horowitz, Chaim Israel, Mendy Israel, Yoel Lefkowitz, Sender Rappoport, Avi Schron, Rabbi Moshe Schwab and Yerucham Silver.

“Here,” said Rabbi Lefkowitz, “was a group of sincere, polite and impressive Orthodox Jewish citizens, well-spoken and clearly not bigoted - but whom this bill would turn into pariahs.”

This same logic they apply to their denial of gay rights and same sex marriage argues in favor of slavery, too: The abolition of slavery turned sincere, polite, and impressive, well-spoken, and clearly not bigoted slave owners into pariahs.

In fact, when the Allies won WWII, sincere, polite, and impressive, well-spoken, and clearly not bigoted German National Socialists were turned into pariahs.

In other words, their argument is that as long as your inhumanity is directed towards sub-humans, you can be a fine upstanding citizen. But raising your sub-human victims to equal standing means your oppression of them is now vile. Which is something you'd rather not have to deal with.

I urge Agudath Israel and Orthodox Union members to read Rabbi Michael Broyde's excellent article, "Jews, Public Policy and Civil Rights: A Religious Jewish Perspective," in which he eloquently argues that "In order to vigorously protect our rights, we must be prepared to defend the rights of others even others we do not agree with." And then contact Agudah or OU and tell them to stop endangering your equal rights with their reckless opposition to an extension of civil rights.

Only 1% of Hospitals Are Below Average*

*In the opinion of the people who chair hospital boards. (WSJ Health Blog)