Tearing But Whole

Just Discovered Blogger for iPhone.

2011-10-18T06:33:00.001-04:00

Same Blogger, now in app form. Finally! Stay tuned for updates.

P.S. The world moved on. Everyone's on Tumblr. Should I switch?

This is just a drill, had it been a real blog post you would have seen my latest crush. Too late. You did. They warned you to run...

Dear Sir, Ummm--No

2010-07-21T09:26:00.001-04:00

This kid's fine. Someone out there isn't.

Last time I checked, this item was on clearance for like $11 and I strongly considered buying it. But it was only available in an XL. Now apparently someone bought it. I don't think I should need to tell you this, but if you're thinking about buying a tight little thong in a size XL--don't. Either you fit a smaller size or just wear normal underwear... Thoughts?

Fwd: We're coming to get you!

2010-07-20T02:19:00.004-04:00

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Brian Ellner
Date: Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Subject: We're coming to get you!
To: Teddy Douglas

Dear Teddy,

I am a New Yorker. And I believe New York should be leading the
nation on equality. It's an embarrassment that five other states and
the District of Columbia have embraced marriage equality before New
York.

That's why I'm so excited to share with you the news that I've joined
the Human Rights Campaign to lead its Campaign for New York Marriage.

The goal of our Campaign is simple: to elect state lawmakers who support marriage equality and to oust those who voted against it. We
plan on winning – but we need your help, right now, to fuel our campaign.

Please support the Campaign for New York Marriage. We'll use every single dollar in the New York fight for equality, beginning with Senate primary races happening right now.

Donate today: www.hrc.org/nymarriage

It's simple math. We now need 6 more votes in the State Senate. This fall, with your help, we can make that happen. A warning to New York
State Senators who voted against marriage equality: we're coming to get you. And if you support equality, we will support you.

Your support is urgent. The Senate primaries are in full swing between now and September and the general election is in November.

Your support is critical. Our success will come down to how much money we can raise and spend in these races, many of which are against anti-equality incumbents with deep pockets.

One-hundred percent of your contribution goes to ensuring that we
have the votes to pass marriage equality: www.hrc.org/nymarriage

When you donate, you're ensuring that we have the resources to elect candidates who support equality and defeat candidates who don't.

Best,

Brian

PS Check out the New York Times article about the Campaign, and a huge thank you to everyone for your personal support.

The iPhone Vs. Android App Store War

2010-07-14T11:55:00.006-04:00

I never met anyone with 250,000 apps on their iPhone. And when you realize that the App Store's app count includes:

741 flashlight apps that do the same thing
1915 battery meter apps that replicate the functionality of the little battery icon Apple was kind enough to place in the top right corner of your screen
910 mirror apps that don't do much more than the front-facing camera or the glass back of the iPhone body

etc., you'll see why the Great App War between Apple and Google is a farce.

Microsoft just announced it is offering incentives to woo developers to Windows Phone 7.

Microsoft, do yourself a favor and make fun of Apple for its giant, unwieldy app store instead of trying to catch up. It's an opportunity to change the dialog about apps from quantity to quality.

Build a couple of really good apps and show people that Windows Phone 7 doesn't stress you out with an overload of junk apps like Apple.

Annnd that's thaa way it is. (Pride Edition)

2010-07-05T03:28:00.010-04:00

My life has 2 parts. The first 25 years are heretofore to be referred to as BiP (before iPhone); the current era, begun about a week and a half ago, is dated AiP.

Of course, as I approach my 26th birthday this rebirth in the era of Anno iPhoni gives me the ability to tell people I'm much younger. I'm 2 weeks old, AiP.

But more to the point, it is a life altering device. People with iPhones have more sex, too. It's a fact.

To rewind, Pride was a total bust. Well, not total. I still had fun. I missed the parade. But not without good cause. After staying up Saturday night partying with the most beautiful people and having so much fun, I'm sure I could be forgiven for waking up late on Sunday. After 20 minutes of hula hooping (my latest fitness craze), I rushed to the city, dumped my stuff at my hotel, and raced after the parade barefoot, flipflops in hand. I never caught it; just ended up amongst the massive post-parade throngs in the Village.

I frantically called and texted all my friends at the parade, but no one was up for a post-parandial outing. Each one said he had been drained by the hot sun and was eager to go home and rest. I, having woken up as late as I did, was full of energy.

The iPhone with its Google Maps saved me from getting lost in the Village, Facebook for iPhone helped me update friends on my whereabouts and see who's up for a party. Eventually I made contact with a cute friend who also had missed the parade, due to work. We went club hopping and wound up back at the hotel with a third for what amounted to a brief nap before getting up for work Tuesday morning.

--
Then Thursday was Splash, met up with Nate and his boyfriend Kyle. I love these guys. I went to see their new Manhattan apartment and crashed there snuggled between them. There's no feeling like it. Sometimes I think instead of searching for a boyfriend, I should be searching for a couple. Or maybe I found one.

--
Friday hung out with some frat boys. One was a techie who introduced me to the world of Aeon Flux, a dystopian superhero with a Kenny complex. The two drank beer while I drank water (less calories) and then they pulled off my pants and sucked me.

--
Saturday night, went out to Rush and after dancing ended up going with him back to the Columbia dorms, where we spent several delicious hours before waking up early so he could go meet some friends in the Hamptons for Independence Day celebrations.

The gym was closed for the holiday, so I just laid out in the quad and soaked up some rays. It was peaceful. And hot. Like 97 degrees all day. I ripped the legs off my jeans before going back out to watch the fireworks.

After the fireworks show, we tried going for ice cream but wouldn't wait on the long lines that formed at the ice cream parlors near the pier as thousands of overheated fireworks-watchers swarmed the city after the show.

So we went to Therapy for drinks. A good time was had by all, but the guys bailed early, leaving me with too much time on my hands. I walked around a bit and eventually made my way back home. Oh,, one of the guys I was with at the fireworks was the "date" guy from the other time. I still have a big crush on him, but he seemed to be in "just friends" mode. Hmm.

Good News!

2010-07-05T03:07:00.005-04:00

Thanks to Brian Ellner, I was able to take back my sidebar.

Since Ellner announced the Campaign for New York Marriage, backed by the HRC, I'm planning to transfer the resources from Accountability 2010 to them and back their organization instead of trying to do it myself. Thanks to all of you who helped out, and will continue to work for the cause of marriage equality!

The new campaign, like our A2010, will seek to re-elect state lawmakers who supported the bill on same-sex marriage last year, and to oust those who voted against it. After passing by a wide margin in the State Assembly, the bill was defeated by an eight-vote margin in the Senate despite a vigorous lobbying effort spearheaded by the Empire State Pride Agenda.

It is worth noting that the Human Rights Campaign did nothing here last election season and completely deserted gay New Yorkers in their time of need. Hopefully they've seen the error of their ways.

In place of the A2010 appeal, I'm adding a link to my Yelp reviews!

What happens to a dream deferred

2010-06-20T15:34:00.006-04:00

I skipped going out Thursday night in favor of gym, sleep, and being able to wake up before noon. It was worth it. Got a date, and a trip to the beach. The beach was fun. Chill.

Then I met this guy on the train. It was crazy, we were looking at each other the whole time. I flipped him my card as I walked out at my stop. I was shaking. I didn't know if it was crazy or creepy or what. But he called and it was so awesome. Maybe I'll see him again.

Date tonight. Omg this is so unusual for me. An actual, agreed upon in advance, date? We still haven't decided where to go.

--
Date rocked, but I got there so late he was tired so I don't think he was into it and I left feeling utterly deflated. So I went to the Ritz, saw some friends and picked up this cutie. We hooked up in the car and I felt kinda better.

--
Wow, awesome dream last night. I was living in this house near a dorm and the dorm kids wanted to come in and party. We had some kind of party, I made friends with some of them and wound up in their place. It was full of wild sex at every turn. I walked in with this girl I was talking to, we walked past the girls bathroom and there was this girl climbing up the sink trying to masturbate herself on the faucet. My friend then opens a stall, sees another girl in there and follows her in, starting to get it on with her - I don't remember if she bothered to even close the stall.

Then, I walked back to the boys area where there were a bunch of guys all over each other in the showers, in pretty open view. I soon found a boy of my own :) These guys were my kind of people. So open and beautiful..

Then, what's a story without some drama? So there was this aggressive group that wanted me to go through some kind of initiation and they made me pee into a cup in front of them all. So I did and I thought it was all pretty hot anyway. But then somehow it wasn't enough for one of the guys, maybe I'd been with his girl idk and he came at me to attack me. It being my dream and all, I gave him a sound beating and became something of a hero among most of the guys and girls.

But he had this group of friends and I knew they would only hate me more. So next time, he came at me I was readying some stick weapon to defend myself, but I took him down, dragged him over to the lake and held him under. As I had him under I thought about what I should do. I didn't want to kill him, but I knew if I let him up he'd be furious for revenge. Anyway I let him up gasping and called it a warning. After that I think pretty much the war calmed down and everybody had makeup sex.

The Boss Wants New Shoes

2010-06-11T15:13:00.004-04:00

So the boss decided he wants a new pair of shoes. Suddenly, our stock analysts become fashion analysts, commodities traders are clothing shoppers, accountants and lawyers compare prices and return policies... all hands on deck. The boss wants shoes!

Excited about summer

2010-06-06T20:05:00.003-04:00

I'm so thrilled about summer being here. I finally made some "shirtless in the park" time. I'd call it tanning, but tanning's so bad for your skin ;)

I went and bought a salad from Pax, a banana from the fruit stand on the corner, and an energy bar from Duane Reade and sat out in Bryant Park with a laptop and a good book and had a picnic. Next time you guys should totally come with me!! I thought of how the fountain looked 4 or 5 months ago all iced over, and it was so gorgeous to see the water flowing, sunlight glinting off the spray like so many sparkling diamonds.

18+ at Splash was off the wall. So many hot young guys, made my head spin. And they were all so friendly and frisky. I ended up in a bed in Brooklyn watching Alice in Wonderland with a really cute couple, only pretty soon nobody was actually watching the movie :)

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of craziness. Four days a week, it's pretty much work to home to gym to home, wake up and do the same. One night a charity gala provided a break from routine.

But the weekends have been loads of fun, with trysts from the UWS to Brooklyn. A straight friend told me the cool thing about being gay is that threesomes don't have to be awkward. I agree wholeheartedly.

Wow this entry is boring. I need to update more oftennnn

Here in This Beautiful Confusion

2010-05-16T04:54:00.009-04:00

I went out with Jarrett, we just walked through the city and talked. It was a really nice night, the weather cooperated beautifully. It got a little chilly as we walked through the park and the strange men called to us with their pothead stories or pleas for change. It took me forever to get there and meet him because of the traffic and the streets that don't go through and looking for parking. But it was a wonderful time.

Much better than the last week when it was Joe I met and I was my usual shy self and we didn't talk too much. It wasn't all my fault. We agreed to meet, but didn't have anything planned to do so it was awkward deciding what to do and we just walked around a little, went shopping, almost got Pinkberry but didn't, and then he said he had to go do homework - only he admitted he was going out that night with a cute guy somewhere so I doubted it was just homework calling but was more of an excuse to leave. So yeah basically I suck.

Then I met up with Kevin in Queens. We were supposed to meet earlier at some house party but I didn't leave Jarrett till late and Kev was already at the club in Queens. So we hung there a bit but then he wanted to go out to the city for some heavy dancing and I headed home. 4 AM is late enough for me. He really wanted me to come out with him, but I get suspicious of all the drug activity that goes along with the super late night after hours parties. And anyway, I need to sleep - I kinda agreed to hang out with Jarrett tomorrow. But I get hard when Kevin touches me. I melt in his hands, it feels so good to hold and be held by him. I wanna be his completely. Just forget the world.

So I found out 2 of my friends have pretty serious boyfriends. One moved across the country to move in with his boy, the other just changed his relationship status on Facebook. (In this day and age, which is more serious??) I wish them all the best. And of course, my shoulder's here for you to cry on if you ever need it.

Last week I met Phil at the club. I really should have called him this weekend. I keep meeting people and not being so good at keeping up. We left together and waited in the subway till my train. He had to go back to Jersey which took him forever. I should have just brought him with me. His lips were the softest lips ever. Waiting in the subway we saw Ry with a guy. Those two kept me company for a good part of the ride, till their stop anyway. He's fun.

Omg so last week was Ken's birthday. We went out to celebrate. First we went to a little place uptown where the bartender gave me this really strong drink. I love it when bartenders have a crush on you. Then we went downtown and Ken was dancing with me and whatever he's not bad looking and it's his 21st birthday but I didn't want to lead him on. We danced, I dunno. I never met him before but we have a lot of friends in common. I kinda hit on this beautiful girl on the subway ride home but my shyness kicked in after we exchanged a couple words and I had nothing else to say, so she got off at her stop The End. If you're reading this, Maya, you make me wanna be straight.

*names have been changed

I read a bunch of blogs from gay teens who want to or tried to commit suicide. I long for a world where suicide wouldn't make sense to anyone. I'm sorry I can't more forcefully oppose and discourage the practice in today's world. All I can say is, life might have had some good stuff for you and it'll be a shame if you miss it. Also, it'll be a loss for the people whose lives you could have touched. So I kinda hope you choose life, but I'll try to respect your decision either way.

Am I too cold?

This is great, but what's next

2010-04-25T19:02:00.002-04:00

Awesome weekend. First the Ritz with the most perfect fantasy boy, short and cute, supremely confident/cocky, brilliant smile, devious and mischievous knows how to get what he wants, hot body - ripped but soft, loves to go after my crotch. Lol. The only problem is he's so incredible I feel intimidated around him. Also met another guy who was sexy as anything and he got almost naked on the dance floor pulling his pants so low his ass was totally exposed, his shirt open. We left together, but he wanted to go to some after-hours party and I wanted to be home in bed with him. Oh well, the after-party got him. I wasn't gonna drag around to more parties at that time, after 4am.

Then Rush was really hot. Ryan was there and H and D and Chris and P. Also met JS, a cute boy in fashion school and got his number. Eugene was dancing in almost nothing. Got to dance with a couple other guys too, C, M. Fun night overall. But the whole crowd was so hot it was confusing. I didn't know where to focus! I have so much love for all these guys. I want more than dancing with them at a club or a kis here and there. I want to date one of these sexy boys. I don't know what to do.

Still Alive!

2010-04-17T03:15:00.007-04:00

Well, winter's fading and I'm coming back. Actually hoped to be resurrected on Easter, but all the workers were off for the Easter holiday. Isn't it ironic that on the holiday of Resurrection, nobody's there to resurrect you? Anyway, in top TV lines this week:

"..but I also like boys" (Elliot on Gossip Girl)
beat out
"You know, dolphins are really just gay sharks" (Brittany on Glee)
for the top spot.

In other news, April 15 came, taxes were paid. Exciting, right?

Oh yeah, I could not believe that Mayor George Moscone was Jesus!! Or at least, that Victor Garber played Jesus in Godspell, and later played Moscone in Milk. He was sort of cute in Godspell, if you can somehow overlook that awful afro.

As for me, I'm so full of love for so many people. I just need for at least one of them to return my love!

-Busy, busy, busy or touched by His Noodly Appendage-

Ok, so I'm trying to decide which religion is better: Bokononism or The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster? Cast your vote in the comments section!

Life in the state of nature is nasty, brutish, and short

Theme Parties Beat Non-Parties Any Day

2010-03-19T18:52:00.001-04:00

It really reeks on this subway car. And its a local. Grrr.

I was supposed to go out to a straight club and try meeting some ladies, but the guy I was gonna go with got sick and had to cancel. It worked out great though, because a friend who's in college invited me out to a party at his school. It was awesome. The whole school was out partying, going from apartment to apartment for different theme parties. One was a dance party, one was beer pong, another someone's birthday, next one a "rape party".

Okay. So I just moved to a different subway car and this one smells okay.

Anyway, there was alcohol everywhere, and weed, and who knows what else. Everyone was smiling and happy. I crashed over in my friend's room. Got up early to get the car home to mom and dad. Oops, not early enough. They complained that they were worried about me when I wasn't home when they expected and that they needed the car early in the morning and didn't have it.

It was an awesome night. Always the best nights for me seem to piss off my parents. Which gives me the impression, however skewed and misconstrued, that they resent my happiness [because its source conflicts with their moral values.]

Then the vegetables. My mom worked hard to make a vegetable dish, and I ate most of it while they where out shopping. She wasn't pleased. I had no idea there would be a problem with it. Nobody else but me even eats vegetables in my house anyway. I'm really sorry though.

Living with people sucks. I want my own place, where I can invite only the people I like, and can invite them whenever I want. I want my own car I can take whenever wherever and come back when I want. People are annoying.

Today I thought of going to an Oscar party. Still might, but the Oscars will be over by the time I get there.

I still have no friends. Oh yeah, I started drinking after my parents got pissed. I said they don't love me and all. I always say that when their values clash with my happiness. If they really loved me and knew what love is, how could their values trump my happiness?

P.S. I went to the Oscar party. I caught the last 15-20 minutes of the show, which included all the major awards including best actor, best director, best picture, etc. Not sure what they were doing for the first 3 hours of the awards show.

Geek Porn

2010-03-10T10:34:00.001-05:00

Former Sun CEO Jonathan Schwartz tells stories of Steve and Bill he couldn't reveal before. (link)

Wanna Make a 3D Movie Like Avatar? Now You Can!

2010-02-18T18:12:00.000-05:00

What you need:

Two HD digital camcorders: $299-$1199 each
1 Tripod: $40-$300
1 dual-cam tripod head: ?make it yourself?
Video editing software: Adobe Premiere Pro CS4 at $685 and Cineform Prospect 3D at $3,000
1 Computer with Intel Core i7 & Monitor: $1449
1 pair of 3D glasses: $7.36 shipped

Producing the next Avatar: $2,389,264,639 and counting

Message from Governor Charlie Crist regarding Martin Grossman

2010-02-16T18:00:00.002-05:00

Thousands of people have been emailing Florida Governor Crist about Martin Grossman for the past week. A response has just been emailed out by the Governor – just 30 minutes before the scheduled execution. YWN has received hundreds of emails from readers who have just received the response posted below:

Thank you for contacting me and sharing your concerns about the execution of Martin Grossman.

On December 13, 1984, Mr. Grossman violated the terms of his probation by leaving Pasco County and having a stolen firearm in his possession. In a routine stop, Florida Fish and Wildlife Officer Margaret Park found the weapon. When she reached for the radio in her patrol car to report him, Mr. Grossman attacked her with her own large flashlight, beating her over the head and shoulders 20 to 30 times. When Officer Park tried to fight back, Mr. Grossman took her .357 Magnum revolver and shot her in the back of the head, killing her.

Mr. Grossman took several carefully planned steps to cover up this horrible crime. The weapon was buried, and Mr. Grossman attempted to burn his clothes and shoes, which were later disposed of in a nearby lake. The following day, Mr. Grossman thoroughly cleaned the van and changed its tires to mislead law enforcement.

Officer Park's autopsy revealed lacerations on top of her head, hemorrhaging inside the scalp and extensive fracturing of the skull. All of these injuries resulted from Mr. Grossman's attack. The facts of this crime clearly meet the definition of heinous, atrocious and cruel, and his actions afterward demonstrate his well-reasoned attempts to cover it up.

The courts have fully reviewed Mr. Grossman's legal claims, and his conviction and sentence have been affirmed by both the Florida Supreme Court and the United States Supreme Court. Based on the facts and exhaustion of legal proceedings, and in accordance with Florida law, I signed his death warrant on January 12, 2010.

Thank you again for taking the time to contact me.

—– Forwarded Message —-
From: Governor Charlie Crist; Charlie.Crist@eog.myflorida.com;
Sent: Tue, February 16, 2010 5:12:12 PM
Subject: A Message from Governor Charlie Crist regarding Martin Grossman

Mr. Governor,

I have not up to this point taken an interest in the Grossman case, as
it is far from home and I did not feel it concerned me. However, after
reading the disgusting email you just sent out, I had to voice my
concern. My email isn't about Mr. Grossman. It's about a horrifying
lack of humanity just now displayed by a United States Governor.

Your unfeeling, even cruel, response to the pleas for mercy was
appalling. The irrelevancy of what you wrote is shocking. You write
about how Mr. Grossman burned his clothes and changed tires on his
car. This is a reason to kill a man?!!

You wrote: "Mr. Grossman took several carefully planned steps to cover
up this horrible crime." Is there a death penalty for trying to cover
up a crime?

A moment after he's dead, you will realize (if you have any conscience
at all) the weight of the responsibility you will bear for the rest of
your life. A shame you didn't realize it a moment before.

Respectfully yours,

Teddy Douglas

Superbowl Party

2010-02-14T18:45:00.000-05:00

Went to a Superbowl party Sunday night by Y&A, but got there after the game. I made up to meet MA there, got out of the subway and saw the game was over so I tried to get in touch with MA and see what the deal is. He wasn't answering his phone. I was going crazy but finally he texted me back. I tried to call, no answer, I didn't want to text in the cold. My fingers were freezing. Also, it would be faster if we could just talk for a second. Finally he picked up. (Later he told me his phone is broken that the ringer doesn't work.) He said the game is over, but the party's still going strong so come on over. I did and had a great time. It was a fun, relaxing atmosphere, friendly. Conversation.

And I met J. Adorable NYU boy, film buff. I didn't do anything too flirty or try to pick him up. Then got to my bus at just after 12:30, next bus isn't till 1:45. Went and got Coldstone to kill some time, then sat down and began writing this.

--
2/9
Slightly annoyed that work might be closed for a snow day tomorrow. I don't want to lose a day's pay!

A Winter Wonderland

2010-02-07T18:34:00.001-05:00

This weekend rocked!!!

Thursday night I met J at Splash. Also briefly saw M when he came in. He looks bangin'! Justin had this cute skinny boy, R, who had an apartment in the city. Actually, that was his last night in the apartment, he was flying back to LA the next day. So we "anti-christ"ened the apartment with a delightful threesome. He left the hot water running in the shower all night to help warm the place. By morning the walls and windows were all wet, water was dripping from the ceiling. We spent some time wiping down all the surfaces. The we found out we were locked in the apartment. Apparently, J accidentally pushed a button on the door as he left and we were stuck. R got the door open by sticking a screwdriver or something in to reach the button. Anyway. So he was really cute and super skinny and J's cute and it was really fun.

On my way home I got a green juice. Freshly squeezed celery, spinach, kale and some other greens. Tasted ok, not wonderful but you know its super healthy, right?

Saturday night I drove to Rush, was there for 10 minutes maybe and wasn't feeling it. I started going to leave, but H recognized me and I started dancing with him. That was fun. He's super cute. Then he went to look for a muscle boy, and I met Ryan!! Ryan is this incredibly hot guy, he was there with a few girlfriends. I got to make out with him and some of the girls and it was like threesome, foursome, we tried to get all our mouths together at once. He was sooo fun! He was all perky and peppy and happy it was hot.

Then I met A. He has beautiful eyes. Skinny, good looking 19 year old, had his shirt half off so was lookin pretty sexy. He was dancing with a guy, but he gave me a look that said take me, so I went over, started dancing the 3 of us, but when A and I started making out the other guy kinda slipped out from between us and gave us our space. Then A's friends made him leave, I went back over to Ryan and crew for some more dancing. When he left the night was about over, but I offered Haven a ride home (to Brooklyn). It was great driving with him. He's a great guy. A lot of fun to be around, and adorable to boot. Actually, scorching hot. Back in his gogo dancer days (he's only 17 now, btw, so don't get the wrong idea about 'back in his gogo dancer days' lol) I used to come to the club just to see him. There are only a couple dancers ever I came just to see. It was exciting to spend time with him. He was thanking me for the ride, but the pleasure was all mine. And no, we didn't have sex in the car. But we might go out on a date. Who knows. I might go out with A, too. I didn't get Ryan's number. Found him on Facebook, but didn't friend him. Yet. Never quite sure how to approach that.

P apparently hates me now. Maybe for friending him on facebook. Not sure what I did or why he would hate me. Oh, he was there too. He liked Ryan and tried to push me away from him. He made out with Ryan a little; I backed off a drop. But then he was gone. I don't get him. Ryan gave me a hickey. Soon enough they were closing up the club.

I offered H a ride home to his place. His friend was going to come with us, but kinda wanted to go home with a buncha other guys headed to some apartment in the city to have some crazy orgy or something I don't know. He wanted H to come. H wasn't interested. Eventually the friend got in the car and we started to go, but then he decided he wants to go to their little fck fest and got out. I don't know what happened to him. I drove H home. It was a nice ride. And he kissed me before he got out, made me happy.

I got home pretty late, probably around a quarter to 6 or so. Watched a little of a Modern Family episode. Found it funny. Not sure if it was or I was just in that overtired state where everything is funny. Finally went to sleep.

Holidays in NYC. So Long Ago. Touching.

2010-01-23T22:36:00.003-05:00

I'm sitting on the subway looking conspicuous as I type out this post.
But as I look to my left, I see a guy reading on a Kindle, and with
the guy on my right playing games on his smartphone and the girl
across the car selecting songs on her iPod, I figure I'm not that out
of place with a netbook on my lap.

The weekend was crazy. First, I made up to meet a few friends at a
party in midtown. I got to the place and took one look at the line,
and hailed a cab. I had started drinking on the bus to the city, so I
was in no mood to wait on line to get in. I take it as a personal
affront to have to wait on line, and don't frequent places that behave
offensively to their guests.

The backup was even better anyway. The crowd was younger, the vibe was hotter (of course, I don't know this to be true because I didn't actually go inside the first place but whatever). And I met my friends
there. Turns out they couldn't get in to the other place because their
fake IDs didn't work or something. Wasn't long before I found myself
leaving with an adorable couple to an apartment they had available a
few blocks away. Not sure whose apartment it was. He was a Greek
architecture student in New York, he was studying politics in Boston
and they came out to the club straight from the holiday midnight mass.
The next day he was taking his boyfriend to meet the 'rents at the
estate upstate.

I loved watching the way they looked at each other, and being in the
thick of it. Watching them kiss each other and then me I guess made me
feel almost part of what they had, which seemed so beautiful. Such
wonderful smiles, and terrific bodies. It was such a warm, comforting,
happy way to sleep with two other awesome people in the bed.

I watched another episode of Glee. That makes 2. Everybody loves it.
I'm not convinced.

I watched "Cowboys & Angels". It almost made me cry. Not because it
was so good. It was an average movie. Allen Leech is hot as Vincent,
the gay art student. And the other guy is kinda cute too. But the
theme of being afraid to do what you want, taking the safe way even
though it may be suboptimal and leave you feeling unfulfilled... I
worry about that. Of course, I was rooting for the two guys to hook
up. Spoiler alert: They don't. The roommate is straight.

I have followed some of my dreams. And it led to moments and times of
extraordinary pleasure and satisfaction. I followed the dream of going
to college, but only part-way. I didn't go to an ivy league school,
didn't dorm in a residential college. I went to second tier commuter
schools. I didn't continue on for a doctorate. Didn't complete a
double major. I could complain that money was a factor. I could
complain that my teachers or school didn't offer the support they
should have. I could complain about lots of thing but the decisions
ultimately were mine. Except for not geting into the PhD programs I
wanted. That wasn't for lack of trying. But still, I gave up that
dream too easily. Perhaps because it wasn't mine. I don't have any
such dreams. My answer to "What do you want to be when you grow up"
was "Me? Grow up? I don't know what you're talking about."

I followed the dream of pursuing sexual encounters with boys. I owe my
life to that. No way I could have continued on in life without that.

The dream of becoming wealthy is one I hope to pursue, but I don't
know what way will get me there.

The dream of having good friends...

I don't let myself dream big because I'm afraid of what happens to
dreams deffered. I think its gross the way they fester like a sore and
shrivel up like a raisin in the sun. I'm frightened they may even
explode.

Anyway, then I went out to a friend's birthday party. Danced away the
night and had a good time. Yes, the birthday boy is someone I've slept
with. And yes, I still have a crush on him. But I don't think he sees
anything sexual in our friendship any longer. I was dancing with
another guy I met at the party and he kept leaning in to try to kiss
me. A third year law student, kinda cute, but I wasn't interesed in
making out with him. Not really his fault, it was just my mood or
whatever. Too much excitement for one weekend with the threesome the
other night...

So at about 2 o'clock he starts hinting he's ready to leave. I'm
thinking "cool, I've had my eye on that guy across the room - that one
with the short blond hair and vest, wait there goes the vest, that
shirtless hottie - and I've been too polite to slip away from you
(besides, this bar is too small and you'd for sure see me with him)".
So he's hinting he's ready to leave and wouldn't mind us leaving
together. But I didn't quite take that part of the hint, and said,
"Okay do you want to give me your number?" He said he wants do give me more than his number... I asked if maybe his email addres would be better. He reached in for a kiss. I gently but firmly held him back.
At this point he's just annoying. He was fun for a dance and a smoke
(I don't smoke and I don't think he did either, but going outside the
club for some fresh air and a quieter place to talk might as well be
going for a smoke because all the smokers congregate outside the
smoke-free bar) but now it's past your bedtime, you invited me over, I
as much as said "not tonight" and you're still here? What do you want?
Well, he stuck around a bit more. He walked me to my car with his
umbrella and then asked for a ride to his place. Once there he thought
we should look for parking so I could come inside, but I had to get
home so he just jacked me off in the car... The end.

Finishing up this post waiting for the bus, then going to kick back with my Love It of Coldstone and Woody Allen's Manhattan on DVD as I'm chauffered around. Luxury on a poor man's budget.

Romantic Story for Valentine's Day

2010-01-21T19:18:00.002-05:00

Okay so I had an insanely awesome time at the club. First I met this really super hot boy. He was totally an angel. That he wanted to dance with me is proof there is a god! I got there at about 12:58. Waited on line outside for 4 minutes, and got to the cashier at 1:02. He insisted on charging the after-1:00AM price, an extra $5. So bad. If you're selling a fun experience, you should be nice to people. If it's your fault I missed the cutoff because of the line, give it to me. A lot of places will cut the line at the deadline, so if you're there it counts. Oh well. It was to be the least of my extra expenses for the weekend... Still a bad business practice. But what do they care. The money's rolling in. They're at capacity anyway. So what if people think the place is trashy.

The hotel was really nice. I was surprised how big the room was. Very comfortable bed. The linens could have been softer, but the pillows were perfect. The decor was very pretty. Not much of a view, but at least you had something. Kind of amazing how many rooms they had. The building is enormous. There was a maze of rooms on my floor. It was also kind of weird how each floor was so different. Some floors are dorms, some are offices. The hotel only has some of the floors. So going up the elevator, the door opened at some floors to ugly worn out carpeting or sanitized waiting room-looking spaces, before opening on my floor to a fairly lavish landing that made me feel vaguely uncomfortable--brought on a slight pang of socialist guilt. The sound of fucking couples in the rooms around me made me wish my angel had come home and spent the night with me, but in the end he did better: he spent the next day with me. [Ed. note: The hotel in the story is the New Yorker.]

I woke up with a brief workout, and then showered and checked out.

We met and walked to Billy's Bakery for some heavenly upcakes (more proof that he was truly an angel), and then walked to Parke & Ronen for some shopping. We each tried on some shirts and pants and things, then he said he'd try on a bathing suit if I would. Deal! He picked this wonderfully short tight trunk and modeled it, God! he was yummy. I also tried on a hot orange-ish number. The sales guy told us they have three sizes. He was wearing the 2 inch inseam, and I was wearing the eight inch inseam and there's another one in between. He looked divine. And sexy as hell in the store, which has big glass windows onto the street with nothing on but this teeny weeny bathing suit and socks! It's nowing outside. Just flurries, but still. I think I looked cute in the bathing suit too. I should have bought it, but it was pretty expensive, and you don't think of buying swimsuits in winter. But it can't hurt to be prepared...

Then we went for brunch at 202. It's inside a clothing store, in this little enclave of shops built in a renovated Nabisco factory with a lot of the industrial look from the factory preserved, but decorated so as to make for a very warm and cozy and comfortable feel. Great little place. Very romantic. And just a tad touristy? The food was amazing. This guy really knows how to pick places to go, foods to eat. If Jesus was anything like [_______], I could understand how Chrsitian theology began... Am I getting carried away? Just a little bit?

So anyway, from brunch we walked down to Theory. Wait before we left 202, we stopped to use the restroom. So it was very cute. It's not a restroom with stalls, it's one of the ones with just one at a time. So there's one upstairs, and one downstairs. He suggested I go downstairs and he'd go upstairs, more efficient that way. But the upstairs one was occupied and when I came out, I saw a vision of a HAWT guy waiting outside, a beautiful smile on his cherubic face. Took me a sec to realize it's my boy! He was dressed in layers, so each time he's take off a sweater or put on a jacket or retie his scarf or walk into a different light, he'd

OMG Bad Romance came on my headphones and I just had to stop my story and enjoy.

Okay, where was I? he'd look different, but each time super hot. Remember the post where I said a true model makes the clothing he wears look good, even if it really doesn't? He looked awesome in whatever he put on. And being super skinny is part of it. I understand why models are skinny. People talk shit about the fashion industry for its skinny models. But I'm pretty slim, but I couldn't wear six layers and make it look incredible. You need to almost be so skinny the clothes wear you to really show them off. But my angel doesn't look emaciated or anorexic. He's just right.

Back on track.

So when he came out of the restroom, before we left, I leaned in to just give him like a welcome back kiss before we'd leave, which turned into

I'mn typing to the beat of Lady Gaga's Alejandro Ale Ale jandro

it almost must look to the people in this subway car like there's something musical about this story... All in my head

anyway, the kiss turned into a full-blown makeout session. A store employee passed by and said he's not offended by [our behavior] but you never know who might come by, so if we could move it outside. See, its a totally gay neighborhood, and the employee was probably gay and all, but its also a bit touristy, and with those tourists you never can tell... a lot of tourists come from Bibelly places and expect New York to be all bibelly too...

So next, we went to Theory. I kinda hoped I wouldn't find anything I liked, because I didn't want to spend any more money... Alexandre needed to pick up some p.j.'s his mom wanted to get for his sister. It's cute. His sister went and picked out what she wanted, and told her mom what to get her as a gift. Anyway, the thing was skimpy as hell. It was a sexy boy brief that I thought was so progressive of his mom to get for her daughter...

We picked out a few items to try on. So they had great service in Theory (they'd better for the prices they charge) that thy put things in the dressing room as you pick them out and then you can go into the all-set-up dressing room. So we went to try the stuff on and it took us a sec to see which dressing room they had set up for which of us, so first the attendant pointed us each to our dressing room, then he mixed it up and said, no it was other way around... or you can just go together. Together? the angel asked with a wink toward me? Hell yes. (Haha, before when he was getting dressed after trying stuff on in P&R he put his undershirt on inside out, I pointed this out - and noted I only said something because I just wanted to see him take off his shirt again :)

So we went into the dressing room together. We didn't do anything but try on clothes, but it was fun to be together in that intimate setting. And taking off clothes of course.

Then we went to Joe's for coffee. He promised great coffee and delivered. His parents and sisters met us there. It was so awesome, I got to meet his folks. His dad was great. I didn't get to speak to his mom or sis's too much. But if we get married, I'd totally down with his family. I hope they liked me... maybe I'd even go out to meet him. Oh. See, there's the rub. He's from upstate, so about 2 hours away. That I could deal with. I'd totally be there all the freaking time. But he's in school in Pittsburgh, and that's more of an issue. And it's a five year architecture program, and he's only in the first year.

Oh yeah, that's another thing. He's 19. It's amazing he said he first thought when he saw me at the club I was too young for him. But no. I'm a couple years older. But none of that is a problem. That's all awesome. The problem is with him out in Pitt, we can't really date. So the goodbye was more than goodbye, I'll see you later. It was like goodbye, I probably won't see you for at least several months. After a parting passionate kiss, we said good bye.

Best fucking day ever!!

Life update. This post is the anti-Twitter

2010-01-15T15:26:00.003-05:00

Wow. So I had some vacation days from work that expire at year's end, so I took off two Mondays for some long weekends. Last Monday, I went out to the Opera with a beautiful 18 year old boy at FIT. I thought it was kind of a date, and I think we both had a good time. After the show, we parted and each began heading home in our separate directions. Somehow, about 15 minutes later we bumped into each other in Times Square. I don't know what it means. IT WAS SO RANDOM! But we hung out for a little bit in Times Square, and then went home. I was happy for the extra time with him. But this weekend he was pretty spotty with answering my calls or texts.

Friday night, a 20 year old from Parsons came over. I've known him for some time, but I'm not really that into him. We fooled around a little, but I didn't want to kiss or have sex with him. He kept asking why not, and trying to go in for a kiss. Like really kept trying again and again. Too much.

Hey, why do people ask the stupid questions whose answers they don't want to know? Like, "So how many boys have you brought back here?" I don't get it. You want me to say you're my one and only? You may one day be. But you can't erase my past, so what do you want? I should tell you all about how you're one of a long illustrious line of hot boys? Or lie and say you're the first? I mean, when you ask a question like that, what do you want to hear?

Now that awful Gaga song is stuck in my head. I'm almost afraid to tell you which one because you probably haven't heard it and if you go find it, the song's awfulness may become lodged in your head as well. It's called Monster, and the refrain "He ate my heart, he a-a-ate my heart" is pretty much the whole song.

I got a few cool items. A memory foam mattress topper which I'm lying on right now for the first time. Well, second. I lied it out on the floor when it came, but this is the first time I set it up on my bed.

Today in the city I got a few reed diffusers from Sabon (check them out - great stuff!) and put them around my room. I am now taking repeated deep breaths because with every breath I want to inhale deeply the fragrance.

I stayed at a cool hotel (the Benjamin) as part of my "staycation". But no one would join me, so I enjoyed it alone. But it sucked to be alone. I kept reaching out to people to come visit, but half the time they were busy or away or couldn't make it, and half the time they said they would come and then "their phone died" and I didn't hear back until the next day.

The hotel's fitness room was fairly small, but I had it all to myself. Felt like my own private gym. And they had a great steam room. The room was well appointed, and of a pretty fair size for the city. I had enough booze with me for a football team, but I didn't drink. I was feeling too good to drink by myself, but it still hurt that I was so alone. (Another giant breath of Sabon Bordeaux.)

I have a massive pile of unwashed laundry at the foot of my bed. By tomorrow morning it's going to be my freshest-smelling load of dirty laundry ever.

When I asked about the wifi, the guy at the hotel desk told me it was $12.99 for 24 hours. Well, what he didn't say is that the hotel's wifi is also available through Boingo, which charges just $10 a month. Think maybe that's something he could have mentioned?

At 3:00AM I called the desk and ordered a pillow. Whatever.

I got a haircut. But you might not even notice. I told him to leave it long. Partly because I want it long, partly because I didn't trust him. I think it was a good choice. New Yorkers who love their barber or stylist - please comment and tell me who you use.

The super sexy 18 year old bi boy who goes to school upstate is home for the holidays. I was looking forward to seeing him. He almost came over, but his "phone died" and we couldn't coordinate. I'm tempted to believe it's true. But it's been happening so often with different people...

The TV in the hotel was beyond useless. Nice big screen, 25 or so different channels. Nothing on. Ever. I think they do it on purpose to try to sell you VoD movies. But I decided to just stream stuff on my laptop, tiny screen and all. At least I get to choose what to watch. In the end I didn't spend much time watching anyway.

Next stops. Sephora, Bloomingdales, H&M. At Sephora, I was overwhelmed by the vast numbers of tiny bottles and jars with exhorbitant price tags that, as far as I could tell, all do the same thing. Or nothing at all. Who knows, right? I went over to the men's fragrances and sprayed them all on those little tester paper strips (which Sephora actually named "Scenta") and smelled them. I wasn't a fan of 212Men, but I liked 212SexyMen (it's different, dark, not your everyday scent) and Gucci Pour Homme (more classical). Givenchy Play Intense was interesting. Not bad, but probably not for me. Some of them just reeked bad. Malodorous. Interesting that I liked the sexy men but not the plain men...

I also saw the brand of toiletries they had at the hotel. That was cool. A lot of hotels have hotel-branded "specially made" stuff that you can never find in a store (probably because in the store it's sold under the Procter & Gamble label...)

H&M was a hot mess. I would so go there to shop for boys, but it seems the boys aren't for sale. But I digress. So there was a shirt I wanted. I own one, and I wear it all the time, and I want to get a few more just like it. Maybe in a few different colors. Why is this so difficult? So the shirt is $40. But they have another line of shirts for $20. The difference? The $20 line is cut wrong, made from cheap materials and generally just a pile of trash. So why do they adulterate their clothing with inferior stuff like that? Maybe it's a good thing. I don't know. It has happened before. Two vests. Same style and color and everything. One is 100% cotton, the other ersatz polyester. But what really threw me is that when I found the shirt I wanted, it was covered with dust. Looked like it was still there untouched from that last time when I bought the shirt that started this journey. Wow. Dusty clothing on store racks. Big no-no. I didn't buy it.

At Bloomingdales, the dressing rooms were so big and spacious I thought it might be a good place to hook up. Cheaper than a hotel. That idea was dampened when after a few minutes inside an attendant called out, "Eveything fit okay?" But I still think it could work. Hey, it beats the johns in the college library...

I feel like every one of my friends wrote a tweet or a status raving about how awesome the movie Avatar is. I'd never even heard of it until this deluge of viral.

Well you're all caught up now. [Actually, you're not caught up because it took me weeks to actually post this. Sorry, I'll try to get the next piece up son. Stay tuned.]

New Year's post

2010-01-13T19:14:00.000-05:00

Good evening New York! Welcome to 2010! So New Year's eve was a blast. Clubbing was lots of fun. My friend Alcohol made sure of that. I got to dance with lots of lovely people.

Then I slept a lot for the first few days of the year. I followed my tweeps and read my news feed. I watched YouTube vids, and Family Guy. Oh! I watched Yossi & Jagger. I got confused in the middle when Jagger turned into Lior, so just be aware that they are the same person. Beyond that, I don't want to give away any spoilers. Go watch it. It's only an hour long and available to Watch Instantly from Netflix. You'll appreciate it better if you understand Hebrew, but it has subtitles. It's sad.

Wait. People! Has anything happened in the new year? Like in the news, politics, wars, terrorists? Why haven't I heard a single thing from the real world. Gosh I need to get better connected.

Anyway, I'm typing this on the subway again. It's a pretty convenient time to just type because there is no Internet access to distract me. I should probably work on better distraction-handling.
Wow. I just spent 15 minutes on the train getting to the stop I usually get on at because the bus I usually take comes only once an hour or so, while the bus to the other stop comes like every 10 minutes. So if I don't time the right bus, it's faster to go out of the way. But the whole system is kind of unfortunate.

I booked a hotel for the night, so I'll head over there and then decide what to do. I need some excitement. I really need some good friends, but I'll just soothe myself with excitement until you guys show up.

OMG, when I saved this document, it's the first time I dated something with 2010! Which brings me to the topic of New Year's resolutions. What do I want to change? I think one thing would be to read more. Maybe start a side business or second job. I want to accomplish more at work in less time.

I don't know. I need to reach out for help. TBC

I haven't forgotten you <3

2010-01-13T10:57:00.001-05:00

I've been writing posts, but didn't have a chance to edit and upload in a while. They'll be going up shortly, I hope. And with more text than you probably care to read!

Tweets from the Trenches

2009-12-29T15:06:00.001-05:00

@ItsMeAntoinette buhh , i do gotta pee; it's taking FOREVER to get off this plane. about 5 hours ago from mobile web

@SeaTweets Just landed in slc. Sitting near the back of the plane and I REALLY have to pee. Let's make this a speedy de-plane, fe
about 21 hours ago from twidroid

@everythingisaok I have to pee sooooooooooo bad, and people are getting off the plane like we have all night.
1 day ago from txt

@speckie721 Can I get off this plane. I gotta pee.
2 days ago from UberTwitter

@CandiceBarrans OMG I have to pee ane plane wont stop taxing!
4 days ago from txt

@ckcoburn LET ME OFF THIS PLANE I HAVE TO PEE

A Whole Lot of Nothing...

2009-12-23T20:31:00.002-05:00

Wow. So I had some vacation days from work that expire at year's end, so I took off two days for some long weekends. Last week, I went out to the Opera with a beautiful 18 year old boy at FIT. I thought it was kind of a date, and I think we both had a good time. After the show, we parted and each began heading home in our separate directions. Somehow, about 15 minutes later we bumped into each other in Times Square. I don't know what it means. IT WAS SO RANDOM! But we hung out for a little bit in Times Square, and then went home. I was happy for the extra time with him. But this weekend he was pretty spotty with answering my calls or texts.

Friday night, a 20 year old from Parsons came over. I've known him for some time, but I'm not really that into him. We fooled around a little, but I didn't want to kiss or have sex with him. He kept asking why not, and trying to go in for a kiss. Like really kept trying again and again. Too much.

Hey, why do people ask the stupid questions whose answers they don't want to know? Like, "So how many boys have you brought back here?" I don't get it. You want me to say you're my one and only? You may one day be. But you can't erase my past, so what do you want? I should tell you all about how you're one of a long illustrious line of hot boys? Or lie and say you're the first? I mean, when you ask a question like that, what do you want to hear?

Now that awful Gaga song is stuck in my head. I'm almost afraid to tell you which one because you probably haven't heard it and if you go find it, the song's awfulness may become lodged in your head as well. It's called Monster, and the refrain "He ate my heart, he a-a-ate my heart" is pretty much the whole song.

I got a few cool items. A memory foam mattress topper which I'm lying on right now for the first time. Well, second. I lied it out on the floor when it came, but this is the first time I set it up on my bed.

Today in the city I got a few reed diffusers from Sabon (check them out - great stuff!) and put them around my room. I am now taking repeated deep breaths because with every breath I want to inhale deeply the fragrance.

I stayed at a cool hotel as part of my "staycation". But no one would join me, so I enjoyed it alone. But it sucked to be alone. I kept reaching out to people to come visit, but half the time they were busy or away or couldn't make it, and half the time they said they would come and then "their phone died" and I didn't hear back until the next day.

The hotel's fitness room was fairly small, but I had it all to myself. Felt like my own private gym. And they had a great steam room. The room was well appointed, and of a pretty fair size for the city. I had enough booze with me for a football team, but I didn't drink. I was feeling too good to drink by myself, but it still hurt that I was so alone. (Another giant breath of Sabon Bordeaux.)

I have a massive pile of unwashed laundry at the foot of my bed. By tomorrow morning it's going to be my freshest-smelling load of dirty laundry ever.

When I asked about the wifi, the guy at the hotel desk told me it was $12.99 for 24 hours. Well, what he didn't say is that the hotel's wifi is also available through Boingo, which charges just $10 a month. Think maybe that's something he could have mentioned?

At 3:00AM I called the desk and ordered a pillow. Whatever.

I got a haircut. But you might not even notice. I told him to leave it long. Partly because I want it long, partly because I didn't trust him. I think it was a good choice. New Yorkers who love their barber or stylist - please comment and tell me who you use.

The super sexy 18 year old bi boy who goes to school upstate is home for the holidays. I was looking forward to seeing him. He almost came over, but his "phone died" and we couldn't coordinate. I'm tempted to believe it's true. But it's been happening so often with different people...

The TV in the hotel was beyond useless. Nice big screen, 25 or so different channels. Nothing on. Ever. I think they do it on purpose to try to sell you VoD movies. But I decided to just stream stuff on my laptop, tiny screen and all. At least I get to choose what to watch. In the end I didn't spend much time watching anyway.

Next stops. Sephora, Bloomingdales, H&M. At Sephora, I was overwhelmed by the vast numbers of tiny bottles and jars with exhorbitant price tags that, as far as I could tell, all do the same thing. Or nothing at all. Who knows, right? I went over to the men's fragrances and sprayed them all on those little tester paper strips (which Sephora actually named "Scenta") and smelled them. I wasn't a fan of 212Men, but I liked 212SexyMen (it's different, dark, not your everyday scent) and Gucci Pour Homme (more classical). Givenchy Play Intense was interesting. Not bad, but probably not for me. Some of them just reeked bad. Malodorous. Interesting that I liked the sexy men but not the plain men...

I also saw the brand of toiletries they had at the hotel. That was cool. A lot of hotels have hotel-branded "specially made" stuff that you can never find in a store (probably because in the store it's sold under the Procter & Gamble label...)

H&M was a hot mess. I would so go there to shop for boys, but it seems the boys aren't for sale. But I digress. So there was a shirt I wanted. I own one, and I wear it all the time, and I want to get a few more just like it. Maybe in a few different colors. Why is this so difficult? So the shirt is $40. But they have another line of shirts for $20. The difference? The $20 line is cut wrong, made from cheap materials and generally just a pile of trash. So why do they adulterate their clothing with inferior stuff like that? Maybe it's a good thing. I don't know. It has happened before. Two vests. Same style and color and everything. One is 100% cotton, the other ersatz polyester. But what really threw me is that when I found the shirt I wanted, it was covered with dust. Looked like it was still there untouched from that last time when I bought the shirt that started this journey. Wow. Dusty clothing on store racks. Big no-no. I didn't buy it.

At Bloomingdales, the dressing rooms were so big and spacious I thought it might be a good place to hook up. Cheaper than a hotel. That idea was dampened when after a few minutes inside an attendant called out, "Eveything fit okay?" But I still think it could work. Hey, it beats the johns in the college library...

I feel like every one of my friends wrote a tweet or a status raving about how awesome the movie Avatar is. I'd never even heard of it until this deluge of viral.

Well you're all caught up now. And as for making my posts more explicit, well, maybe that will come later...

Collected Screenshots

2009-12-07T17:07:00.011-05:00

Cute Marc Jacobs model. This guy is the definition of a top model: He makes whatever they dress him in look good. I had to catch myself and think about how they would look on me before rushing to buy a bunch of clothes because they looked great on him.

For a brief time, Google searches for NY Senate described the chamber's website as "Marriage Equality: New York State Senate". We know that didn't last.

$100,000 for the Norton Internet Security suite, Netbook edition. A bit pricey, methinks. Especially for the netbook user on a budget!

Senate Fails to Grant Marriage Equality #NYMarriageDebate

2009-12-02T16:06:00.009-05:00

This morning, the New York State Senate voted down a bill that would have granted equal marriage rights to gay and lesbian citizens.

Accountability 2010!
Regular readers may have noticed there's a new Donate button in the sidebar. After being deeply disappointed by this morning's failure of the same-sex marriage bill, I am scrambling to organize a campaign to hold those Senators who voted NO accountable for their actions.

The next steps will be to identify which of these are the first up for re-election, which of them we have the best chance of defeating, and then which opposing candidate to support - be it a same-party candidate in the primaries or the opposing party candidate. Your support, in any way you can, makes a difference.

To all those Senators who voted in favor, thank you for being, as President Obama might say, on the right side of history. Special thanks to Senators Tom Duane, Eric Adams, Toby Ann Stavisky, Pedro Espada, Malcolm Smith, and John Sampson, for your leadership in support of the bill.

The Blacklist:

Joseph Addabbo (D)
James Alesi (R)
Darrel Aubertine (D)
John Bonacic (R)
John DeFrancisco (R)
Ruben Diaz (D)
Hugh Farley (R)
John Flanagan (R)
Charles Fuschillo, Jr. (R)
Martin Golden (R)
Joseph Griffo (R)
Kemp Hannon (R)
Shirley Huntley (D)
Owen Johnson (R)
Carl Kruger (D)
Andrew Lanza (R)
Bill Larkin (R)
Kenneth LaValle (R)
Vincent Leibell (R)
Tom Libous (R)
Elizabeth Little (R)
Carl Marcellino (R)
George Maziarz (R)
Roy McDonald (R)
Hiram Monserrate (D)
Thomas Morahan (R)
Michael Nozzolio (R)
George Onorato (D)
Frank Padavan (R)
Michael Ranzenhofer (R)
Joseph Robach (R)
Stephen Saland (R)
James Seward (R)
Dean Skelos (R)
William Stachowski (D)
Dale Volker (R)
George Winner (R)
Catherine Young (R)

Thanks to Irene Jay Liu from timesunion for providing the roll call.

Assembly Passes Gay Marriage Again as it Waits for Senate Action

2009-12-02T09:02:00.001-05:00

The New York State Assembly has passed a gay marriage bill for a 3rd time in 2 years, early this morning, as it continues to wait for the State Senate to take action.

While I'm here, about my life. I've met so many amazing people lately. It's what makes life great. It's funny, because I've said before how true Sartre's definition of Hell rings (*Hell is other people). But that just depends which people. Anyway, it's hard to talk about details without anonymity (see Matt at DTB's explanation - I'll get the link up when I have a moment).

So much I want to say, but it's become a lot harder to say it. Anyway, no time now. Back to work. Ttyl.

P.S. Now would be a great time to call and write legislators in New York and New Jersey to demand marriage equality.

It's Back on the Agenda: Yes on S4401

2009-11-12T11:13:00.044-05:00

Please take a moment to call the New York State Senate and urge them to vote YES on S4401 to support marriage equality in the State of New York.

Put on your boxing gloves: It's baaaack.

English boy band Take That pose in combat boots, boxer shorts and red boxing gloves, circa 1995. L-R, Mark Owen, Howard Donald, Jason Orange, Robbie Williams and Gary Barlow. (Photo by Dave Hogan/Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

Call now 518-455-2800 and tell our Senators you support fair marriage rights and they should too. You can also access the Senate website and share your support for same sex marriage.

The language of the bill states, in part:

Same-sex couples and their children should have the same access as others to the protections, responsibilities, rights, obligations, and benefits of civil marriage...

It is the intent of the legislature that the marriages of same-sex and different-sex couples be treated equally in all respects under the law...

No application for a marriage license shall be denied on the ground that the parties are of the same, or a different, sex.

And perhaps my favorite part:

This act shall take effect immediately.

They were there. Don't let them forget their committment.

New York Governor David Paterson, second left, a supporter of gay marriage, and Michael Bloomberg, second right, mayor of New York City, participate in the Heritage of Pride Parade on June 28, 2009 in New York. (UPI Photo/Monika Graff)

He wasn't there. Don't let him get re-elected.

Anti-Gay Senator Chooses Opposition to Marriage Equality Over Party

P.S. If you live in Diaz's district in New York (32) and want to run against him for his Senate seat, please let me know.

P.P.S. I am deeply ashamed of portions of the Orthodox Jewish community that has taken upon itself to oppose this much-needed legislation. After Jews were persecuted for so many years, we of all people should understand the plight of those who are discriminated against and not join their oppressors.

These people went to Albany to deny your civil rights.

Rabbi Shmuel Lefkowitz, Rabbi Mordechai Biser, Chaskel Bennett, Rabbi Mechel Deutsch, Tzvi Gluck, Leon Goldenberg, Rabbi Yakov Horowitz, Chaim Israel, Mendy Israel, Yoel Lefkowitz, Sender Rappoport, Avi Schron, Rabbi Moshe Schwab and Yerucham Silver.

“Here,” said Rabbi Lefkowitz, “was a group of sincere, polite and impressive Orthodox Jewish citizens, well-spoken and clearly not bigoted - but whom this bill would turn into pariahs.”

This same logic they apply to their denial of gay rights and same sex marriage argues in favor of slavery, too: The abolition of slavery turned sincere, polite, and impressive, well-spoken, and clearly not bigoted slave owners into pariahs.

In fact, when the Allies won WWII, sincere, polite, and impressive, well-spoken, and clearly not bigoted German National Socialists were turned into pariahs.

In other words, their argument is that as long as your inhumanity is directed towards sub-humans, you can be a fine upstanding citizen. But raising your sub-human victims to equal standing means your oppression of them is now vile. Which is something you'd rather not have to deal with.

I urge Agudath Israel and Orthodox Union members to read Rabbi Michael Broyde's excellent article, "Jews, Public Policy and Civil Rights: A Religious Jewish Perspective," in which he eloquently argues that "In order to vigorously protect our rights, we must be prepared to defend the rights of others even others we do not agree with." And then contact Agudah or OU and tell them to stop endangering your equal rights with their reckless opposition to an extension of civil rights.

Only 1% of Hospitals Are Below Average*

2009-11-11T17:54:00.003-05:00

*In the opinion of the people who chair hospital boards. (WSJ Health Blog)

A Definition of "Chutzpah"

2009-11-09T11:30:00.001-05:00

Health care wonk Bill McIntruff explains that key elements of Obama's Health Care Reform Bill are designed to take effect starting 2013 so that Obama can be safely re-elected before the whole health care system collapses:

"This thing doesn’t even happen until 2013. So we need to understand that, on purpose, that we have this “major reform” but the major reform is meant to happen after Obama’s re-election. This means he gets to run on “We passed a major reform and boy, it’s coming soon,” and not “Oh my God, this whole thing is collapsing and it’s my fault,” if that’s what happens. Who knows, maybe it will be successful, but the point is that no one has seemed to want to gamble his or her own re-election on that outcome. So it’s more likely, whatever happens, to be stuck in a drawer to wait until the next time, which is after the re-election campaign." (Health Affairs)

Adopt a Gay Today

2009-11-04T09:14:00.001-05:00

The election results are in: People still hate the gays. In New Jersey and Maine, voters went to the polls to support insensitivity and discrimination. Anti-gay groups scared people by saying things like "gay marriage will be taught to your children." So instead parents opted to teach their children that the principles of equality on which this nation was founded are no more true to them than they were to the pigs in Orwell's Animal Farm. Remember when Michelle Obama angered the media by saying she isn't proud to be an American? Well, I kinda know how she feels. #democracyfail

Oh, now that I'm here, I'll throw in a quick personal update. I met a guy online, and we met for a weekend. I had a great time, I don't think he did. It's pretty rocky going.

Halloween was fun, party at the club.

Shirtless! At The Disco

2009-10-20T10:07:00.001-04:00

OMG I was in heaven. We were even walking on clouds... A foam party. Hundreds of beautiful boys, everyone stripped to their underwear on the dance floor, suds and bubbles and young flesh everywhere moving to the beat. The crowd was great, the energy was high, people were smiling, happy, having fun. It was unreal. People let down their barriers and just enjoyed the night. Like it was another era. A simpler time. Full of innocence and pleasure.

The club is moving soon, so they get to throw a few awesome parties and wreck the place before they go...

When I walked outside, it looked like it had snowed. The foam oozed out the door and blanketed the whole sidewalk out front. It was incredible, the whole night.

I met a few really wonderful people too who I've actually been keeping up with :)

Looking Sinister

2009-10-14T09:32:00.002-04:00

Artist puts a face on email viruses:

Thanks to a new Dell e-zine Motherboard.tv for the find.

"And then the police officer added 'you know, he's homosexual'"

2009-10-12T19:14:00.002-04:00

The HRC had its big gala black tie dinner with all the rich old gays and their hot young escorts. President Obama addressed the gathering. They applauded and cheered and practically promised to support his re-election in 2012.

Meanwhile, the people outside on the streets marched in outrage at the administration's inaction on gay rights issues. The HRC is proud of Obama's vague promise about gays in the military. The real gays outside could care less about the army, they just want to get married. Obama said nothing about marriage, nothing about health insurance, and nothing about the 150,000 angry people who just happen to be gathered on his lawn.

Obama spoke about "the day when no one has to fear being gay in America, when no one has to fear walking down the street holding the hand of the person they like." This is important, of course. What the marchers outside were saying is: we have that. We are not afraid. But we are still disadvantaged. Protecting our bones from bodily harm is important. But it is not enough. It falls short of offering fully equal status.

Anyone who listens to Obama's speech at the dinner cannot help but be wowed by his aura, his delivery, and his seeming commitment, but it still falls short of where we should be.

UPDATE: Actually, the more I listen the more I am wooed by the extent to which he went in his oratory. True, he spoke about most of it in the language of "his beliefs", not in his capacity as President. He told a nice story about the history of PFLAG. But many people have decided it is time to judge him on his record, not his audacity, his hope, his aspirations, or his speeches.

Suicide is painless, it brings on many changes

2009-10-12T18:43:00.002-04:00

Disregard the title. Suicide has nothing to do with this post. It's just a cool lyric from a fun song (which I admit to having set on repeat when feeling down).

Had a week off from work for the Jewish holiday of Sukkot. Got some rest. Did some networking. Became an honorary ivy league alumnus, scoring contacts worth a lot more than the donation that earned me the status. Watched the movie version of Chicago.

Continued an SMS dialog with P, wherein I ask to meet and he says he has to work. And I always question myself whether he appears disinterested, but so far my conclusion remains that he would like to hang out but truly is busy.

Once again had to ditch M for a random cutie I just met. I felt bad, but what should I do? M could have had me but seemed to want a pretty unconventional (read: sexless) relationship. So I interpreted that type of relationship as "friendship", which is not normally meant to be exclusive...

Another night I had a whole bunch of guys all over me, but couldn't pick one and left without any. That's the classic "always looking for something better" syndrome.

Was once again told to get a car. Thing is, I still believe it would come in handy, even be a lifesaver, a couple times a month but be a total drag the rest of the time.

I thought I was off for Columbus day. Found out last minute that I'm not. I wouldn't have minded coming in, except it was annoying working the logistics after finding out so late. Anyway, it's good to be back. I feel better when making money. I think that's what I'll tell the next guy who asks why I'm not drinking: "Actually, I'd rather just have the money..."

Round 3. Fight!

2009-09-24T10:57:00.000-04:00

Best. election. video. ever!
I know it's old, but I just saw this now... on... wait for it... Uncyclopedia
By the way, don't you just hate that "wait for it" bit? I was reading something last night and there was that "wait for it", and after I read the next line and saw what I was waiting for, I asked myself: Why did I just have to wait for that?

Iranians Get Their Green - From the Wizard of Oz!

2009-09-24T09:38:00.000-04:00

The Wall Street Journal reports: Iranian activists — trying to blanket New York City with their trademark green color — lobbied to bathe the top of the Empire State Building in green light all this week during their rallies against Iran’s president, who is visiting the United Nations.

The request was rejected. But on Thursday, to the protesters’ delight, it will be green anyway, for another reason: an “Emerald Gala” for the 70th anniversary of the film “The Wizard of Oz.”

Organizers have notified their email lists, and many demonstrators plan to stand under the building and cheer when it lights up in the evening. Photographers documenting the protests plan to post the view online for inspiration around the globe, organizers said.

“The universe is smiling and the stars are aligned!” wrote one blogger, named Anonymous Iran. “I’m so happy I could cry!”

The green lighting will happen the same day demonstrators plan to unfurl a nearly mile-long green banner across the Brooklyn Bridge. Sadra Shaba, a 24-year-old graduate student and protest organizer for Voices for Iran, said protesters “consider anything that’s green part of our movement. Even the Statue of Liberty is green.”

Updated Musings on Me

2009-09-23T10:51:00.003-04:00

I got to spend some time enjoying the unspeakably beautiful weather in Central Park. Gotta soak it up before old man winter arrives.

I went out with P again. We met "for coffee", but we didn't actually have coffee. We went shopping instead, and then had dinner. It was fun.

Trying to figure out my taxes. The catch is: to get all your deductions and credits and minimize your tax burden, you need to be making enough to justify hiring a tax professional.

I considered taking a certificate course this semester in business administration, but after talking it over with my brain trust I decided to spend a few hundred on books for now instead of a few grand on the course. I'll reconsider more formal education again later.

Baucus Tells Health Insurers to Shut Up

2009-09-23T10:41:00.001-04:00

"We cannot allow government officials to target individuals or companies because they do not like what they have to say," McConnell said. "Is this what we believe as a Senate -- that this body should debate a trillion-dollar health care bill that affects every American while using the powerful arm of government to shut down speech?"
more by Mitch McConnell - 13 hours ago - Huffington Post

Hmmm.

ARM Reveals Faster Chip - and Odd Pic

2009-09-16T15:06:00.002-04:00

Wow ARM, I gotta hand it to you...
(Image courtesy of Engadget)

Fashion's Night Out NYC was HOT

2009-09-14T17:01:00.001-04:00

It was a fun weekend. I tried to leave work ASAP on Thursday evening to get back to the city for Fashion's Night Out. The plan was to hit the Fifth Avenue shops first, and then meet some friends in SoHo to check out the goings on there. Well, as soon as I walked into one of the couture shops a super cute guy came over and asked if I wanted to get a drink with him. (Conveniently, the stores were offering complimentary drinks. It was a very party atmosphere for the occasion.) At first I wasn't sure if he was for real or he was a model hired for the occasion and this was the way they were treating all their guests! We hung out in the store for a while, met the label's founder, then went for a few cocktails at a restaurant on the block before heading downtown in a limo to a cute little wine bar in Chelsea.

Saturday night I was back in Chelsea at a club where I have been crushing on a cute new gogo boy. I find it kind of embarrassing to go tip gogos when I'm with my friends, especially if said friend might kinda have a crush on me... Is there an etiquette to this?

After that, I met up again with the fashion guy I met Thursday (Call him P). I think I really like him. Then I rushed home to get the car back before my Mom or Dad wakes up and realizes I was out past 3:00AM. ("You're old enough I can't tell you what to do, but the car must be back...")

Sunday I went to a housewarming party a friend was making; he just moved in with his boyfriend to a new apartment. I told P about it and he considered coming with me, but then he had just gotten back from exercising and was tired.

Memo to PR Department

2009-09-09T16:25:00.002-04:00

Important announcements should not be scheduled for April 1. Thank you.

T-Shirt Designs

2009-09-03T09:47:00.003-04:00

CotyGonzales

Most Useless Technology, or at least Most Ridiculously Marketed

2009-08-27T10:44:00.002-04:00

The BBC added audio menus to its iPlayer TO HELP THE BLIND SELECT TV PROGRAMS TO WATCH. I'm still shaking my head over this one, folks. Can anyone explain what a blind person is going to do with the program once he finds it with the oh so convenient voice menu?

"The BBC is committed to high standards of accessibility across all of its sites and services, especially popular new services like BBC iPlayer which aim to deliver the benefits of emerging technologies to all our audiences.

"We're therefore delighted that the BBC is the first broadcaster in the world to include audio-described TV programmes for our blind and visually impaired audiences in its video-on-demand service."

US Gov't: Cash for [Your Special Interest Here]

2009-08-25T16:53:00.002-04:00

Since the Consumer Assistance to Recycle and Save Program (CARS, get it? Ha ha. How can I apply for the job of cutesy-acronym-thinker-upper at Congress?) aka Cash for Clunkers was such a resounding success (over budget twice, behind payment deadline, and canceled early because, well, we're still not sure. For the government, this is a success. Don't ask questions.) we'll soon get Cash for Refrigerators.

Killed in Juvie

2009-08-24T23:47:00.006-04:00

A 15-year-old resident of the Tryon Residential Center detention center near Johnstown, N.Y. died in 2006 after being pinned face down on the floor and handcuffed by staff. The youth's death was ruled a homicide.
A Justice Department report also found that staff at the four centers routinely resorted to physical restraints for even minor infractions. "Anything from sneaking an extra cookie to initiating a fistfight may result in a full prone restraint with handcuffs," the report found. Staff used what the report termed "excessive force" to control behavior and the practices tended to escalate, rather that calm tensions, it said.
Restraints were used frequently, the report said, causing a high number of injuries. In 2007, staff used an average of 58 restraints a month at the Lansing Residential Center, near Ithaca, which houses girls, causing concussions, loss of teeth, and fractures, the report said. One girl suffered a spiral fracture to her left arm.
Youth, particularly at the Tryon centers, said it was common practice for staff to use what they called a "hook and trip." While staff members restrained a youth's arms behind the back, staff would trip the youth, so the youth would fall face first, resulting, in some cases, in broken teeth, the report said. (WSJ)

Reminds me of a scene from Bryce Courtenay's The Power of One. Only I thought that was something out of Africa. I had no idea it still goes on in my own backyard!

Is this stuff happening here?!

Craigslist Joins Change2Improve

2009-08-24T20:33:00.005-04:00

We are proud to announce that Craigslist has signed up as an anchor member of Change2Improve, the program that supports stability and efficiency in business by eliminating needless or regressive change.

There are those who question the company's choice, but you can't argue with success.

"Ordinarily, a company that showed such complete disdain for the normal rules of business would be vulnerable to competition," Gary Wolf writes in Wired, "but craigslist has no serious rivals."

Check out the complete article in Wired (Why Craigslist is Such a Mess). Thanks to Kelsey Group for the tip!

We regret to inform you that our talks with the Wikimedia Foundation fell though. Recently announced changes to the Wikipedia site mean that the site will cease conformance with Change2Improve standards. We have requested they cease using the Change2Improve logo on their website.

And now, here's your made-up-quote-that-could-have-been-real of the day!

This one's by Rush Limbaugh: When I've got nothing politically important to say, I just make fun of people.

My Tivo Thinks I'm Gay 2.0

2009-08-19T13:12:00.003-04:00

The Internet thought long and hard about where my soul mate is most likely to be found. It decided in the end that he (she?) most probably lives in a liberal state. If I don't mind relocating, she says I could do even better in Finland, Iceland, or Switzerland. Gallup wasn't there to fact check this, but I figure those countries are liberals on steroids.

P.S. I desperately want to call Liskula Cohen a skank, but I'm afraid she'll sue me. I don't even know what "skank" means, but this lady doth protest too much, methinks.

Update: I'm recovering well from my recent Safe Eyes illness

2009-08-17T16:58:00.006-04:00

I am pleased to report that, thank God, I did not die from the nasty bout of Safe Eyes that inspired this post about the dangers of Internet blocking. Doctors say that with rest, plenty of fluids, and sufficient Internet access, the patient is expected to make a full recovery.

However, I stand by my words regarding the depth of pain these programs can cause. This weekend I was elated to find a way around the filter. I was able to reconnect with friends I had lost contact with. I felt a part of society again. It made my mother cry (because like any good mother, she thinks that's just wrong) and messed up the computer, which gave my Dad a headache...

Since the work-around is costly, I may just buy a new computer next time instead.

Kathy Cougar Griffin Brings Adorable 19 Year Old Date To Teen Choice Awards

2009-08-17T09:27:00.006-04:00

I think I could be coming down with a case of Levi-mania. Levi Johnston went to the Teen Choice Awards as the date of 48-year-old Kathy Griffin. The 19 year old Alaskan high school hockey star and father of (at least) one also happens to be adorable.

Photo: Huffington Post

He did a recent interview and photo shoot with GQ. Another photo shoot with Vanity Fair; he's making the rounds. But he seems so genuine, not like the fake people you see so often making that circuit. It's refreshing, and it's hooking me a little.

Johnston said he felt the Palins were sending mixed messages as to whether they wanted him to be part of their family.

Paul Sancya/AP

"I know that her parents didn't want us together ... so they probably put a little pressure on her," he said. "But at the same time, they told us they wanted us to get married when they found out Bristol was pregnant. ... I don't know what the deal was."

Johnston says he had been in love with Bristol and that their three-year relationship started to fall apart almost immediately after the Republican National Convention. As for a potential reconciliation, "Nah, I don't think that's gonna happen," he said.

Look at him taking care of the baby!

Photo credit: Ture Lillegraven/GQ

Check out this video of Levi looking like a lost puppy in Hollywood.

P.S. That video's hosted through Brightcove. It's not YouTube, but it's not bad. Much smoother than a lot of the other video platforms out there in the inter-webs. (Firefox! How many times must I tell you not to insert hyphens into the middle of words...)

P.P.S. I hate the wording of the title of this post. It's an experiment. The original title went something like what's in the first line, but it

celebrities, shirtless, adorable celebrities, almost famous, refreshingly genuine, dating 19 year old, kathy griffin boyfriend

Cute Boy Models Vivienne Westwood Pendants (And Nothing Else)

2009-08-13T10:11:00.002-04:00

Photography: Bella Howard; Styling: Anna Trevelyan; Hair: Alexia Brownsell; Make-up: Thomas de Kluyver; Models: Sid Ellidson at Models 1. From DazedDigital

So Why Am I Telling You This? Shh, Just Look At The Pictures

2009-08-13T00:28:00.004-04:00

The small African country of Gabon is preparing for its first real democratic election in decades following the death of President Omar Bongo, who led the country for 41 years. 23 candidates are slated to be on the ballot, including the late President's son, Defense Minister Ali Ben Bongo. Some candidates have been calling for a delay of the August 30 election date citing irregularities in voter registration records.

Gabon, which is about 200 times the size of Manhattan but roughly equivalent in population, became independent from France in 1960 and has since retained close ties with its former colonial rulers. Gabon's capital city is Libreville. Tho country produces 273,000 barrels of oil a day, which makes up more than a third of the nation's economy and helped finance Mr. Bongo's purchase of dozens of luxury properties in France.

Something to think about: If the U.S. weans itself off fossil fuels, the petro-dollars dry up and all the good people of Gabon wallow in extreme poverty. All the eco-friendly do-gooder greenies might as well call for Gabonese genocide. Just kidding. Well, half kidding.

The Guardian did a stunning photographic retrospective on Bongo (whose name, for me, summons notions of a certain blue Muppet with a long hook nose. If you're a bit older, it may remind you of a certain Ronald Reagan movie, too.)

Bongo in Paris, 1970. (Photograph: Christian Simonpietri/Corbis)

Bongo at a conference in Lima, Peru, 1975. (Photograph: Diego Goldberg/Corbis)

Mobutu Sese Seko of Zaire and Bongo share a joke during the sixth
Franco-African summit in Kigali, Rwanda, 1979. (Photograph: Richard
Melloul/Corbis)

With Jacques Chirac in 1995. (Philippe Wojazer/Reuters)

Bongo at the White House, 2004. (White House file photo)

Bongo in Paris, 2006. (Photograph: Oliver Weiken/EPA)

AFP Photo

Well Craig over at Puntabulous had someone come in and give a talk about Iceland, so I thought, "Why not Gabon? It's bigger than Iceland and even has a President who takes a good picture."

Oh, this just in: Violent clashes have broken out in Gabon between police and several thousand demonstrators calling for presidential candidate Ali Ben Bongo to resign from the cabinet as defence minister...

Pinchos Lipschutz Says Obama's Wrong, U.S. Health Care Is Fine The Way It Is

2009-08-12T23:58:00.002-04:00

"Lately, Yated Ne'eman editor-in-chief Rabbi Pinchos Lipschutz has been repeatedly attacking Obama's health reform push."

"Okay, so what? I mean, he attacks everything Obama says or does."

"I know, right? But one line he keeps using is that we have 'the finest health care system in the world.' It's not true."

"What do you mean it's not true! In Canada, they have to wait months to see a doctor! And now they want to go killing Grandma? I don't want any death squads taking away my health insurance... They just want a government takeover of healthcare... They're Robin Hoods who want to tax the rich and give it to the lazy!"

"Calm down, no one's hiring death squads or killing grannys. Take a deep breath. Canadians live longer than Americans and are more satisfied with their health care system. The French achieve better health outcomes, single-payer and all, and they do it for a lot less than we spend, too. (France spends 11% GDP on health care vs. 16% here in the U.S. - and our GDP is higher to start with.) Even in socialized Israel, life expectancy is more than 2 years longer than it is for Americans. Out health care system is not so hot.

"What he really means is that the United States has the best health care technology. It is home to some of the best doctors. It sports facilities capable of carrying out the most cutting-edge procedures. It invests in some of the most aggressive life-sustaining treatments. It is the site of some of the most advanced medical research. However, it is not the best health care system. All those things stand as an indictment: Why isn't that spending translating into better outcomes?

"The system is broken. The components may be there, but the system isn't working as it should. When politicians discuss comparative effectiveness, they aren't actually saying 'let's pull the plug on grandma because we decided it's too expensive to let her live.' They are saying, 'Gee, we've got all these great medical technologies, let's find out which ones I should use.' Because under the current "fine system", they just throw one thing after another at an illness and just hope one of them works. That's why you can have the greatest medical capabilities and terrible outcomes.

Comparative effectiveness is more like saying, "Let's figure out which drugs are good for melanoma and which are good for melioidosis. Let's stop wasting money doing the equivalent of trying to treat cancer with antibiotics. Let's be efficient about care. And if Grandma wants to maybe try clindamycin to help reduce her blood pressure because the statins she takes aren't cutting it - yes, the healthcare system's going to have to say no. Not because it wants to kill her. Not because that treatment is too expensive. Not because she's not worth it. But because it doesn't work.

The Poster Presidency: Obama Years

2009-08-11T16:25:00.001-04:00

You asked for this:

Then you got this:

And now this:

Forget health reform, Afghanistan, Iraq, and Iran. Forget the recession. Dressing up the President in funny posters is more fun!

Topman Straw Trilby

2009-08-11T13:14:00.018-04:00

Isn't this Trilby awesome?

This Paul Smith Jacket is cool too:

>>YUM>>>

Weekend - Sex = Monday + Horny

2009-08-11T09:37:00.001-04:00

I went to the gym last night, but then met a cute guy and hung out with him. Tons of fun. Now I don't feel bad for going away over the weekend :) By the time I went back to get my stuff, the gym was closed. Guess I'll go back and get it tonight.

I cut up some mushrooms and onions and roasted them in the oven, lay down for 20 minutes to rest while I wait for them to be ready. Wake up 2 hours later to my phone ringing, hear something about the oven, remember, and find charcoal with bits of mushroom and onion mixed in. I salvaged what I could and went to back sleep. Ate my supper for breakfast.

I've been going to a chiropractor for a couple months now. I thought about blogging each appointment, but never got around to it. It started when the love of my life said he goes to a chiropractor and it's like getting a massage, only insurance pays. Since then I realized that I'm paying top dollar for health insurance and not getting my money's worth, I might as well use such health services, and I wanted to try it out. It's kinda cool.

Taliban Now Winning: Afghanitnam

2009-08-10T21:41:00.002-04:00

"The Taliban have gained the upper hand in Afghanistan, the top American commander there said, forcing the U.S. to change its strategy in the eight-year-old conflict by increasing the number of troops in heavily populated areas like the volatile southern city of Kandahar, the insurgency's spiritual home.

The militants are mounting sophisticated attacks that combine roadside bombs with ambushes by small teams of heavily armed militants, causing significant numbers of U.S. fatalities, he said.

"How many people do you bring in before the Afghans say, 'You're acting like the Russians'?" said one senior military official, referring to the Soviet occupation of Afghanistan in the 1980s. "That's the big debate going on in the headquarters right now."

The U.S. is working to persuade Helmand's farmers to replace their poppy fields with wheat and fruit. Pretty crazy stuff. If poppies pay better, what farmer want to plant wheat? Then again, people do need to eat...

If you haven't yet read Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns read it now! It has never been more relevant than right now.

Oh, and Amazon, next time I search for a book - link me to the PAPERBACK, NOT the KINDLE version. You know I don't have a Kindle.

Weekend Trip, Cute Story, Search Wars

2009-08-10T09:31:00.003-04:00

My parents were going away for the weekend, and I had a choice: Go with them or stay home and have the house to myself. For the first time in a good while, I decided to go with them. So I didn't get laid this weekend, (though there was some eye candy tanning by the pool, and another cute boy working at the pizza shop). But it was a nice weekend. Good to spend some time with the family. Relaxing atmosphere.

I got a ride back with a family I didn't know. They were determined to avoid traffic at all costs. So they avoided NYS Route 17 and drove through Pennsylvania, taking something like U.S Route 209 to U.S. Route 206 to NJ Route 15, etc. It seemed absurd, but if they had done it right Google says it should only add about 3 miles and 25 minutes. If it avoided potentially hours of traffic on the 17 it could have been a smart move. However, all that fails to account for the difficulty of driving on dark, winding, country roads in the fog and heavy rain, making wrong turns and generally not knowing where you're going. In the end, the trip took a "respectable" four hours or

---

Crazy question: Why is West Milford, PA east of Milford, PA?

---

My grandfather told a cute story, a "chassidishe ma'aseh": There was a Rebbe (Grand Rabbi) who had a custom to toss apples into the crowd of his followers who would gather at the close of the Festival of Tabernacles. The men would eagerly grab for the apples, as there was a tradition that anyone who catches one would be assured a year of wealth. Over the years, the crowd grew and men would fight and push to get the blessed apples. The Rebbe's assistants warned their master that the situation was becoming out of control and with all the shoving, people might get hurt. The Rebbe sent a message to the people, "There should be no more pushing to catch the apples."

The next year, the pushing was even worse. Now, as each man shoved his neighbor out of the way, he would taunt him, "Have you not heard the words of the Holy Rebbe? He said not to push, and still you push for the apples!" The Rebbe's assistants returned to him with the news. The Rebbe responded by issuing a stern warning, "Whoever pushes to catch the apples will be cursed with five years of poverty."

The next year, there was no pushing. The crowd was smaller than usual, and everyone who came stood rigid, afraid to push for fear of the Rebbe's curse. As the Rebbe began tossing the apples, however, one frail elderly man ran frantically through the crowd grabbing as many apples as he could. After the event, people came over to the old man, incredulous. "Is it not foolish to risk five years of poverty for the chance of a single year of wealth?" they asked.

"Ah, but where else can I receive the Holy Rebbe's guarantee that I'll live out the next five years!" responded the old man, a twinkle in his eye and a smile on his lips.

---

In other news, Microsoft's much-touted Bing search engine, well, sucks. Just as a random example: I was searching for information about the world's largest green-energy project, DESERTEC. So I typed Desrtec [sic] into Bing (actually into the Firefox search box, which happened to be set to Bing at the time). What I got was this page asking if I perhaps meant to search for Bachelorette News or maybe Shooting in Pittsburgh or Vanessa Hudgens Nude. Google's first result was Desertec.org. Even spelled correctly, Bing gave the $500 Billion pan-European consortium's plan one link, and then listed results for "Deserted".

Sushi, Birthday Cake, and a Side of Death

2009-08-06T10:47:00.003-04:00

I am really tired. I woke up with a headache. I don't know why. I got a good night's sleep, about 5 hours - not less than usual, maybe a bit more. Headache's cleared up but still dazed tired. Mystery.

In the car on the ride to work this morning, I was treated to a lecture about how we're all going to die. I knew that. But it's somewhat morbid to think about too much. This guy was adamant that we should think about it a lot. Okay.

Last night I went over to my aunt's house. She heard I was feeling blue last week and invited me over. She made sushi for supper because she knew I like it, but she used vegetables instead of fish. I really only like the fish part, could care less about seaweed and rice. So what are you supposed to do when someone goes out of their way to be nice to you and do something for you but you totally don't appreciate it? Not only do I not appreciate the dish, but I'd much rather prepare my own food and choose what I want to eat. I hate having to eat food I don't like.

Then for dessert she brought out a birthday cake. Okay, cool. My birthday's coming up. Again, I could do without the cake because it's so unhealthy, and if you're getting me a cake at least get a kind I like... So again, are you trying to do me a favor? I appreciate that you want to--but you're clueless about my tastes. Or maybe you are doing it for yourself. In that case, don't think you're doing me any favors, don't act like I owe you anything. But it was nice of you to think of celebrating my birthday.

Then she got out a camera to take a picture of me blowing out the candle or something. I didn't want the picture, covered my face and asked for no pictures. But they persisted. I left the room. Lied down on the couch, and almost cried to myself. All I wanted was to be left alone. After a minute I came back, they agreed to put away the camera, and I cut the cake...

After the kids went to bed, I went with my aunt to the gym. Had a good workout, then showered and changed and emerged from the locker room feeling good -- to find an exasperated aunt upset at how long I had kept her waiting. I was so pissed and deeply hurt that she would hurry me out of the gym. DOES SHE NOT KNOW THAT I LIVE FOR THIS?!?! Idiot. I ONLY agreed to come to your house because you mentioned that I'd be able to go to the gym. I only got off antidepressants because working out took their place. I'm sorry to keep you waiting, but that's me. I need this. If you don't understand, don't invite me over. I didn't ask to come. I appreciate your offer and invitation, but I'm not flipping my life upside down over it! You might see this as overreacting, and maybe it is, but for some reason it touched me deeply. I was very pained and hurt that she complained I kept her waiting. I think I felt betrayed. I was led to believe she invited me because she cared about me and then to discover that she doesn't begin to understand.

Despite the hurt, it's good it happened because we had a good conversation about it afterward. This type of thing was related to the reason I had felt down last week. I hate feeling like a burden to people, and it bothers me when they complain about me burdening them. But sometimes I can't help it. For me to be me, other people suffer at times. I try to minimize it, but it seems that its impossible to completely avoid. That's why I had written "the world would be better off without me." And she became concerned...

I thought about how much my parents are pained by my lifestyle. I don't want to hurt them. Would they be happier if I were gone? I think they're happier to have me, even as I am, but maybe not. Maybe my whole life is a heavy weight on their shoulders.

My aunt mentioned that Jewish parents sit shiva (mourn) for a child who marries a Gentile. Would my parents really mourn as if I died if I married a non-Jew? If I thought I could find happiness with another person, would they mourn as if I died? It's surreal. What if it was a boy? Jewish boy, non-Jewish boy, I don't know if it makes any difference. If they would mourn my happiness, they obviously don't care too much about me. But could it really be that my parents don't care about me? From everything they say and do it would seem they care a whole lot about me. But perhaps they care about some idealized conceptualization of me, not the real me--with all my flaws.

Another thing that came out of the discussion is how selfish I am. You and I knew that already. My aunt helpfully suggested I could pitch in more around the house, take out the garbage, wash the dishes, help the kids with homework. She's right, I could do more. Maybe that would give me more satisfaction of being a part of the family... tbc

Let me know what you think. I could use some advice. But if you're just going to trash me and bash me I'ma cut you bitch! I'll be happy to ignore it.

Information is the Answer

2009-08-04T09:37:00.002-04:00

This effort to regulate alcohol-caffeine beverages is a little silly, considering the ease with which people can and do get an alcohol-caffeine bump without them by simply chasing a beer with a coke, downing a vodka and Red Bull, or simply going out for a coffee following a night of drinking.

The National Association of Attorneys General’s panel on youth access to alcohol said in a letter to the FTC that “a critical goal of our committee is to encourage and obtain direct federal involvement in the removal of these dangerous products.”

What they should do is make alcoholic beverage makers list ingredients, calories, and level of alcohol in their drinks. It's really annoying buying a beer and not knowing how much alcohol or how many calories it contains.

Personal Details

2009-08-03T16:15:00.005-04:00

I had a good trip to Atlantic City. I borrowed a car and just drove, without a clear destination in mind. I stopped in a couple of places on the way, at a random campgrounds, some Jersey Shore beaches (Long Beach Island, Asbury Park). Eventually I ended up in AC. I gave myself a walking tour of the place including casinos, bars, beaches, and shops. Then I met a cute guy and some friends of his who invited me over to their hotel. I didn't play any slots or do any gambling. But I did go to the casino with one of the guys and watch him play out $20. The whole slots thing seemed so silly, but it was fun to spend some time together. Watching him enjoy the experience made it special.

This week was J's 20th birthday. Lots of people were away for the summer, but we had a little window-fogging celebration in the back seat, for what it's worth. I didn't actually mean for it to happen that way. We were just hanging out, and then I offered him a ride, and then, yeah.

I'm trying to figure out what, if anything, to do for my birthday - coming up soon.

Administration Backpedals on Tax Promise - Obama's Finally Acting Presidential

2009-08-03T15:45:00.001-04:00

"...let me perfectly clear... if your family earns less than $250,000 a year, you will not see your taxes increased a single dime. I repeat: not one single dime... Finally, because we're also suffering from a deficit of trust, I am committed to restoring a sense of honesty and accountability to our budget." --Remarks of President Barack Obama to Joint Session of Congress, February 24, 2009.

Well, ObamaCare changes all of that. It must be paid for, after all.

See PoliticalFuzz on new taxes proposed or imposed by the administration since that statement, and Geithner and Summers saying no guarantees re the tax issue. Times they are a'changin, they say.

Kathleen Lyday (Or Somebody Else) Letter

2009-08-03T10:51:00.001-04:00

There has been a letter to the President circulating through the interwebs, mostly as an email chain. It raises some interesting points, but the tone is largely too hysterical to facilitate purposeful discussion. One point it raises, however, was so blatantly contradicted by the facts as to call into question some of the other figures in the note.

"I understand the average House aide got a 17% bonus. I took a 5% cut in my pay to save jobs with my employer. You haven't said anything about that. Who authorized that? I surely didn't!" -Kathleen Lyday

"For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies.

It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break; the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours.

It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate." -Barack Obama

See here for full text of the letter.

Gallup Daily

2009-07-29T12:16:00.003-04:00

BBC E-mail: 'Organic has no health benefits'

2009-07-29T11:41:00.004-04:00

Teddy Douglas saw this story on the BBC News website and thought you
should see it.

** 'Organic has no health benefits' **
Organic food is no healthier than conventionally produced food, a large independent review has concluded.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/em/fr/-/2/hi/health/8174482.stm

Senate was just 2 votes shy of flooding states with concealed weapons

2009-07-28T14:26:00.005-04:00

Thune Amendment; Reciprocity for the Carrying of Certain Concealed Firearms - Vote Rejected (58-39, 3 Not Voting)

The Senate could not reach the necessary sixty votes to include this gun provision in the National Defense Authorization Act. The amendment would have allowed citizens who have concealed carry permits from their states to carry concealed firearms in another state that grants concealed carry permits.

But perhaps I shouldn't condemn reciprocity, even if I don't support guns. On other issues, such as marriage, I might support reciprocity.

New Digital Divide: Blacks Nearly Twice as Likely to Have Mobile Web Access

2009-07-27T14:39:00.000-04:00

Nearly half of all African Americans and English speaking Hispanics used cell phones or other hand held devices to access the Internet, compared to the 28% of white Americans who do so. Adoption of mobile access to the web by African American on an average day is fast growing; from 12% in December 2007 to 29% by April 2009. By comparison, only 19% of all Americans access the Internet on a mobile device in a typical day. (Kelsey)

Gloat: World's Coolest iPhone App That Wouldn't Work on iPhone

2009-07-24T10:19:00.004-04:00

I had a great concept for an iPhone App (though the iPhone platform can't fully support it yet). Maybe it could work on the Pre or Android. It's called Gloat (or maybe iGloat?), because it does just that. Although the programming might be a bit tricky, the end-user interface couldn't be simpler. The app just asks you which sports teams you follow. Then it gloats for you when they win.

It looks up your team's schedule, sees when they play, and tracks when they win
It looks through your contacts (Facebook friends, IM buddies, Email contacts, whatever it can get a hold of)
When your team wins, it immediately messages whichever friends come from the losing team's hometown

Gloat 2.0 (available in time for 2010 NFL season - Sep 2010) can add more advanced features for the sports enthusiast. I figure we could have our software on about 50 million devices by 2013. Then we could add ticket sales, a tie in with a fantasy sports league, and record keeping so you can track who's getting top Gloating rights. It could even suggest which teams to follow (based on team record/standings/your friends' fave teams) to maximize your Gloats. iGloat can also be set to Tweet your Gloats automatically.

In iGloat 3.0 we'll expand it beyond sports. Remember the last time your uncle's neighbor dropped you a stock tip? Note it in iGloat, and she'll get Gloatted when the ticker falls.

Or how about how you have to sit through boring episodes of Runway, Idol, or SYTYCD... Tell iGloat who your favorite contestants are and it will let you know when to tune in (or maybe even serve up the video) and you won't even have to sit through the show to tell your friends all about it. Gloat loves elections, too!

A timetable for launch of iGloat might go something like:

Beta version for late October 2009 (start of NBA season)
1.0 should be out 5 months later in time for the (April 2010) MLB season
2.0 coming 5 months after that (Sep 2010) in time for the NFL season
3.0 early 2011, maybe time it with the new season of American Idol

Think iGloat is mean? I kinda agree, but you know you do it anyway, so I might as well automate it (and sell it).

Live Rent Free

2009-07-23T11:48:00.001-04:00

Is this for real? The Caretaker Gazette publishes listings for housesitters. People with houses and nothing to do with them let other people live in them for free!

Are Indoor Pools Bad for Your Lungs?

2009-07-22T20:05:00.002-04:00

The chlorine in indoor pools can be detrimental to pulmonary health for competitive swimmers who spend a lot of time at the pool. “When some of our high-school swimmers are going on college recruiting trips, we tell them to follow one simple rule,” says Dr. Jim Miller. “If you walk into the building and can find your way to the pool without directions, don’t go to that school. A smelly pool is, chemically, way out of balance.” If your favorite pool is easy to find, blind-folded, talk to the manager about re-calibrating the amount of chlorine being used or improving the air flow in the facility.

Overall, researchers say, the benefits of swimming for exercise outweigh the risks. As the authors of the Quebec City study of youthful swim racers were careful to point out, only one of the 72 swimmers they studied smoked and none were obese, making them statistical anomalies among the young. “Breathing problems do sometimes develop,” Miller says. “But with rare exceptions, they can be controlled. Swimming remains, in general, very good for you.” (NYT)

Adobe Latest to Not Understand the Web

2009-07-22T16:08:00.002-04:00

Sigh. They don't get it, do they? Adobe Wave is not a new thing. It is RSS recycled.

Taxing Healthcare Benefits Shortsighted

2009-07-22T09:36:00.002-04:00

A tax on employer-provided health benefits is extremely short-sighted. Rather than pay the tax, many employers would simply trim the benefits they offer. This means the actual revenues the government receives from the program will be far less than projected, and it will also lead to less coverage for employees, greater long-term health complications, reduced quality of life. About the only upside is higher profits for employers who now get away with lower premiums and can blame the government. This too, is short-term, as doctors would suffer from lower payments and seek redress.

Cut coverage for over-the-counter drugs, but enhanced prescription coverage? Does this make sense? Who says prescription drugs are better or more important than OTCs? So now, instead of covering an $11 OTC, you want people to go to the doctor ($75) and get the prescription version ($35) so it will be covered?

Morgan Stanley's Matthew Robson Says Teens Don't Twitter

2009-07-21T16:45:00.006-04:00

Fifteen year old Matthew Robson explained in a now-famous Morgan Stanley research note why teenagers don't use Twitter (and neither should you): They actually realize nobody reads their tweets. Before you start to argue, just enjoy the miracle of youth. The kid knows intuitively what adults need extensive research and essays in the Harvard Business Review to point out. OK, now you can argue. Just check out those links first.

Bonus Points: If you had gotten $50 million of free advertising coverage, you'd be popular too.

Leaked internal Twitter documents show the company projects a billion users by 2013. I assume what they mean is a billion sign-ups, not actives.

Repeat After Me: Netflix Good, Redbox Bad

2009-07-21T01:56:00.001-04:00

I had thought this went without saying, but then I heard some people have been getting it wrong lately. So I want you all to repeat after me: Netflix Good, Redbox Bad. Say it. Excellent. Again. Well done! One more time. Netflix Good, Redbox Bad.

Netflix comes to your door. Redbox makes you wait on line at the supermarket. (After you already waited on line at the supermarket with your groceries. Now you stand by this kiosk, grocery bags in hand, waiting for your turn at the Red Monster.)

Netflix knows what you like. Redbox makes you sift through randoms.

Netflix never charges late fees. Redbox charges you every day.

Netflix has 100,000 choices. Redbox has maybe 200 in the box.

Redbox gives you two measly one-day rental promo codes if they rent you a damaged disc. And those only come after you argue with them. Netflix replaces the disc for free.

Netflix is cool with you losing the disc sleeve. I shudder to think how a Redbox would take losing the DVD cover. Probably blow a gasket. Literally.

Redbox makes a mess of your credit card bill with all its silly little charges. Netflix is just one neat, all inclusive, charge each month.

Netflix offers online streaming video. Redbox offers online email spam.

Netflix loves you. Redbox is a backwards ATM.

Still not convinced? Here's more evidence: The studios are cutting deals with Redbox. This shows, and you'll love the logic, that they don't believe in it. Redbox is less profitable for the studio than DVD sales or even Blockbuster rentals. So why would the studios support them? To keep Netflix at bay. Netflix they perceive as a threat. They know they can kill Redbox with relative ease if they ever need to. So they're willing to prop up Redbox a bit to control the threat of Netflix while they try to figure out a streaming strategy of their own.

Pssst. Redbox! If you're listening, these are some areas you need to work on.

Yeah, after those shenanigans Amazon pulled this morning, I'm in a slightly Orwellian mood.

Full disclosure: I am not a Netflix employee, nor do I hold positions in Netflix or Redbox parent Coinstar. I have used both services.

Mirror Free Does Nothing, But That's OK

2009-07-20T22:53:00.002-04:00

In fact, it's even better since bored users are more likely to click on ads. (WSJ)

Gripes

2009-07-20T12:12:00.002-04:00

Dear Calvin Klein,

Your underwear ads are famous the world over, but your product does not deliver. Truly, the emperor has no clothes. I recommend 2xist or Jockey.

Dear Wikipedia,

Why is there no simple way to request a new article? Why is the search function so limited? Yes, I know that encyclopedias have traditionally been in alphabetical order by article name, but now that it's online there is a new way to find stuff! It's called Search and Microsoft, Yahoo, or Google will be happy to provide it to you free of charge. So do it!

Yeah they say I'm smart. But what has that really done for the world?

2009-07-15T17:53:00.001-04:00

I have this need to feel loved, to feel worthwhile, to feel useful. I need the security of knowing that I'm valuable. I need companionship. I enjoy being able to make someone else happy.

I don't think there is too much to be truly happy about here in this world. Anything good goes away sooner or later. But sex makes people happy. When someone wants to have sex with me I feel useful, I feel like I have something to offer. I feel wanted. I get a companion, if only for a short time. And I can show that person a good time in this bleak world.

Perhaps there is another way that some of you have, dear readers, to feel these things and fulfill these needs.

When I speak, my words are unheard; my written word goes unread. My mind makes no one happy. They say money can't buy happiness. But with my body, I often feel that's my only shot. That can deliver happiness, that can make an impact.

To be continued. Just wanted to note this thought.

No More Change for Change's Sake

2009-07-14T11:24:00.001-04:00

Introducing the Change2Improve movement! Companies that join Change2Improve commit to not change their products unless there is a verifiable improvement or company need. We are currently working to develop standards and sign up partners. Member companies will be able to use the Change2Improve logo on their products. Too many companies have been changing their products for absolutely no good reason and it irritates consumers. Many consumers would prefer to use Change2Improve-certified products, enjoying the security that the familiar products and services they use will not suddenly change around unless there is an actual benefit to them.

Google Finance made some changes today. They are bad.

I don't have time to elaborate, but I want to note that most Google Finance users do not want to be Web Designers. They just want quick, accurate information. I don't need the site to be super-duper customizable. I don't want to spend time customizing. I just want it to be there, what I need, when I need it. It was great before. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. And certainly don't break it for [insert your favorite deity here] sake.

I want my information providers to be like a chef. The chef's job is to choose from different ingredients and cooking methods etc. and prepare the meal in the best way, so it tastes good and leaves you feeling satisfied. I don't want my information providers to be like a well-stocked kitchen which gives me all the options to cook myself a wonderful meal. This is good to have as a backup database, but not for instant basic data.

Also, the new stock charting features with the Bollinger Bands and whatnot is just abhorrent. It could encourage more widespread use of that grotesque technical analysis stuff. Google's supposed to be data-driven and should be above that sort of superstition. Shame on you. What a waste of engineering resources that could have been used to create something useful.

Life Kills

2009-07-13T18:19:00.002-04:00

I feel cut off, but at least that means I feel. I feel like shit, but by that thread I feel alive. I had died for so long. I want to meet with people I love and discuss literature, art, movies, feelings. I want to stop being alone. I called in sick at work today. My boss is still away camping, another co-worker on vacation in Florida so I don't know if this was a good time to leave because everyone else is out anyway or if I was supposed to be there to cover. Probably the former, because I don't actually cover for anyone else anyway, just do my own thing. But maybe I'll lose my job over this. Who knows.

The day off allowed me to start thinking; I'm usually just too busy to think about my life. The conclusion is it's rotten. It's empty. Couple days ago I was hangin with a friend (LA Guy) and we saw this cute guy by himself, waiting for his friend apparently. LA Guy called him over and the three of us were chatting. I would have never just gone over to the guy and struck up a conversation myself, too shy. My friend seemed interested in this guy, but in the end I went home with him. LA Guy wasn't thrilled about that. I'll probably ask the guy out next weekend. He probably won't respond to my messages. Oh well. As the popular buzzword goes today, FML. Then went out to a place in Williamsburg the other night, another cute boy came home with me. Yay me. It keeps me alive. But it's only life support. I need something to get me off life support and really living.

I haven't written much lately. And what I write nobody reads. And what they read, it has no impact. I'm invisible. Stop smirking, you're invisible too! Automatons. All of us. FOL. They put a new filter on the computers at work. Facebook is blocked. Now I might as well have no friends.

Safe Eyes filter found leading cause of depression in US teens*

2009-07-08T13:00:00.015-04:00

"Parental controls on children's Internet browsing can have the effect of isolating them from social peers, as well as generating feelings of helplessness, alienation, and low self-esteem," explains one depressed Safe Eyes sufferer. "Web filtering software and other content blockers could leave harmful psychological effects."

"Content filtering is a like potent drug," the boy's doctor said. "It can be expected to come along with with some side effects. Parents need to be made aware of that."

"We'll protect our kids even if it kills them," asserts a NetNanny mother from Oklahoma in response to critics. ['Cuz after all, safe dead kids are better than healthy but endangered ones. Oh wait, let me double check that...]

BLACK BOX WARNING**: The Safe Eyes internet filter and other web filtering software has been shown to cause serious adverse effects in some children, adolescents, and adults. Possible reactions include, but are not limited to, headache, nausea, fatigue, depression, family arguments, suicidal ideations, and attempted suicide. If you or anyone you know has been exposed to Safe Eyes, care should be taken to monitor for signs of illness and call your doctor immediately if condition worsens or does not improve after 3 days.

How to protect yourself:
Do not purchase or install Safe Eyes or similar software. In case of accidental ingestion, remove the program using the included uninstaller and then wipe your hard drive and reinstall Windows.*** Better yet, just buy a new computer. Safe Eyes is highly infectious and probably contaminated your entire system. Stay far away. If you are unsure how to proceed, call your Poison Control Center immediately.

In all seriousness, I personally have struggled with internet-filter-onset depression. And I mean clinical Depression. Caused by idiotic meddling in my personal freedom. Anyone who has read this blog knows how dead serious I'm being when I say if I die in the near future, the most likely cause will be related to internet filtering and monitoring.**** People think this is an innocuous way to "protect kids from the dangers of the internet". Think again. It's not innocuous at all. Young peoples' lives revolve around modern technology, like it or not. Learn to deal, OK? Place too many limits on how people can live and they'll realize they just don't want to. Not like that.

*Okay, so I don't have scientific studies to back this up - yet. I do have anecdotal evidence, though. I have my personal feelings.

**This Black Box Warning has not been evaluated or approved by the FDA. It is merely my suggestion for what might be added to notify parents of the risks "child safety" filters entail.

***This should not be taken as professional IT advice. If you or someone you know has this problem, please consult a competent IT professional for advice. My purpose here is just to encourage people to think about the possible negative effects this software may have.

**** In case you were wondering, the good news is it didn't kill me. See 8/17/09 update.

Gmail Sheds 'Beta' Label: Finally buggy enough for full release

2009-07-07T12:22:00.004-04:00

Following in the footsteps of software giant Microsoft, Google made sure to add just enough performance issues, annoyances, unnecessary features, and poor support to their product before its official release.

When I first started using Gmail several years ago, I loved it. It was a huge improvement over my old Juno, Yahoo, or Hotmail accounts at the time. It enabled me to manage my inbox in ways I couldn't before, adding Search, Labels, and the conversation view feature that grouped messages more clearly. The spam filter caught most of the junk coming in. Over time, Google has made many useful updates to the service, adding IMAP support and more.

However, email today isn't what it was then. As the amount of email being sent and received has grown, Gmail has failed to keep up. Instead of being a supplementary messaging system, email is ubiquitous. It is also multimedia enabled, or should be. Can you tell me why I can't even copy/paste a photo into an email with Gmail?

Increasingly, Gmail has fallen behind in offering better ways to organize the information in the inbox. As services like Xobni and Xoopit and CC Betty and Gist and yes, even Microsoft, have tried to help users organize the mountain of information streaming into the inbox, Gmail's "innovation" has been limited to gimmicks like skins and other bloatware. I mean, do I really need to play Snake in my inbox? (Yes, for those of you who may have missed it, there is an option in Gmail Labs that allows you to play the old cell phone time waster game Snake inside Gmail.)

At a time when email needs to once again be reinvented, when email should be rapidly evolving and is clearly insufficient in its current form, now is a mighty curious time to take off the Beta label.

On 2nd thought, does "propylene glycol gel" really sound healthier than tobacco?

2009-07-06T10:16:00.001-04:00

Not smoking has its disadvantages. So I'm intrgued by these e-cigs I've been hearing about.

I want an e-cig that's just water vapor without the nicotine or flavors or anything. That way, I could have the "cool" factor of smoking, and have something to do with my hands, and have something in my mouth, and have something to do while I hang out with my friends during a smoking break, etc.

Then again, part of the "cool" factor relates directly to doing something illicit and dangerous...

Banning Stuff is the New Education

2009-07-06T09:52:00.003-04:00

Last week a federal advisory panel recommended banning America's most popular and effective prescription pain pills, including Percocet and Vicodin.

It's no surprise that these pain relievers are considered dangerous. They contain powerful, habit-forming narcotics like oxycodone and hydrocodone. But that's not the issue. Percocet and Vicodin also contain acetaminophen — you know, Tylenol, that "harmless" over-the-counter pain reliever we pop like candy at the least sign of a headache, sore throat or general malaise.

It turns out that Tylenol isn't all that harmless. Overdoses kill more than 400 people each year and send 42,000 to the emergency room with acute liver failure. And so-called "combination pain killers" account for most of those overdoses.

"The FDA panel is not saying the drugs in Vicodin are bad," said one expert. "They are saying that tying [opioid narcotics and NSAIDs] together is wrong."

By adding acetaminophen to narcotics, combination drugs provide better pain relief with lower levels of narcotic. They are great for short-term use, such as after surgery.

Patients who take these drugs for chronic pain, however, build up a tolerance to the narcotic. As they take more and more, they also take more acetaminophen, and are at risk of liver damage.

Instead, Fishman said, doctors should prescribe the narcotics and acetaminophen separately. More trouble, but a safer option. (Mercury News)

So basically, instead of teaching people the right way to use a drug, the suggestion is just to ban it altogether.

A new meaning for "Senate Race"

2009-06-25T18:08:00.001-04:00

So as the New York State Senate Democrats rushed to complete their Governor-ordered special session in a little time as possible, they were held up by Sen. Craig Johnson's request for a moment of silence. The Dems finished in 3 minutes, 19 seconds. The Republicans got out in just 2 minutes, 28 seconds. For this 2 or 3 minute workday, the Senators will receive wages of $160. Which translates north of $6000 an hour.

The curious thing, though, is the moment of silence. It was intended to commemorate the anniversary of the death of Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson, whom Johnson called "one of the greatest spiritual leaders of the past century." Yet to that Rabbi's most devoted followers such a tribute is blasphemy: They believe their leader's not dead. (Daily News article)

Tax to Fund U.S. Healthcare May Kill U.S. Healthcare

2009-06-25T15:26:00.001-04:00

The purpose of not taxing employer-sponsored health coverage is to encourage employers to give their employees health insurance. This is a good thing. It makes healthcare more accessible to Americans. This system is the reason so many Americans have health insurance.

The Baucus plan circulating in the Senate disincentivizes employer-sponsorship by taxing it. In response, employers will not spend as much on health insurance. Costs will inevitably shift onto the individual. In addition, the nonsense of "gold-plated better than members of Congress have" plans being excessive - if nobody has any incentive to offer a better plan, insurance companies cease trying to offer them. Competition is reduced. Cost go up acros the board.

Do you know anybody who has complained their health care coverage is too generous?

Individual coverage carries higher rates than company plans and is taxable, all of which increases the burden of health insurance on the individual (and we are all "the individual").

Ultimately most people can't afford this, but fear not: the government will subsidize insurance for "those who cannot afford it".

So in one of the most roundabout ways imaginable, the plan shifts costs from voluntary, tax incentivized, employer-sponsored coverage to direct government sponsorship of more expensive, less effective plans for fewer people. (see Bloomberg article)

Comedians and Gay Gyms

2009-06-24T10:45:00.003-04:00

I bought "I'm Telling You For the Last Time" by Jerry Seinfeld and "200 M.P.H." by Bill Cosby. Both very funny. Something by Dane Cook, too. What's more funny is sitting on the subway or working out at the gym with headphones on, laughing my head off for no apparent reason.

I tried out one of the super gay gyms in the middle of the city's (world's?) gayest neighborhoods. It was just like any other normal gym, so for all you who live out in the 'burbs or sticks and feel like you're missing something - don't feel bad. (Maybe I just came at a less "busy" time?)

You know how it is when you spend a week preparing for a meeting, and then you have about 20 minutes to make your entire presentation? You deliver a 25 page document and wonder if anyone is ever going to read it? Yeah. That's when I tell myself I'm on salary and it really doesn't matter if the work is a dead end. Then I go back to my desk and change the message: Now, it is important once again to contribute to the success of the business!

Anyone coming to Pride?

Anonymous, if you're reading this - you need to find a way we can talk without your snooping beloved eavesdropping.

Songs.

"You sit there in your heartache
waiting on some beautiful boy to
save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now ... here he comes!

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined when you were young"

When You Were Young - The Killers

Intriguing Quote

2009-06-18T11:02:00.001-04:00

"So why am I not out of the closet? I was never in the closet. I am not trapped behind 3 walls and a door just because people don't know my sexual orientation. I am free." -Anonymous@PicturePerfect

She was kinda cute, too

2009-06-16T08:59:00.003-04:00

One of the cutest moments from the weekend was when I was in the pool, and a family comes in, one of those nuclear families with a father and mother and little girl and boy like in a family icon:

So the mom comes in and starts saying something, asks how I got in if the pool was locked (Gee, I was thinking the same thing - maybe we both have keys? Lol.) I start swimming over to grab my bathing suit from the side of the pool where I had left it, and she notices I'm not wearing it and flushes and turns away. One of the kids turns to her and says, "See, I told you it was a boy."

I've had a crush on this guy at the gym for some time. For months we never spoke to each other, but recently he gave me a ride and we hit it off great. Now we've been chatting it up, talking about workout routines and eating habits, where to find local basketball courts (it turns out people around here play tennis just because they can't find a decent basketball court!) and how to build a six pack. Standard gym talk. But it's really great to talk to him. He's a great guy. I'm not sure whether to tell him I'm into him, but for now at least it's nice to be friends.

So I took a vacation and what and why

2009-06-15T10:16:00.006-04:00

So I got in the car and drove. Traffic. Traffic. Then it cleared up a little. Stopped off, did some shopping. Drove. Traffic. Music. Finally got there. Stripped and jumped in the pool. Ahhh. Then opened the house, warmed up, relaxed. Cooked dinner. I made a simple meal, fried some burgers, had some leftover roast, pesto sauce with toasted whole wheat pitas, chopped liver. Somehow it was one of the best meals I've ever eaten. Then I flipped through some channels on TV. There was nothing on. And if there was, I flipped that channel during a commercial break. Seriously, I don't know how people watch broadcast TV. So I popped in a DVD and watched Sunset Boulevard, or Rocky. (I watched both over the weekend, just don't remember which one fits into this point in the story.) And it was all so amazing, I had such a good time.

After the movie, I went out on the porch, and took a giant lungful of sweet country air; it was after midnight and everything was silent. I looked up at the starry sky and looked all around, the trees, the lawn. Beauty everywhere. And then I cried a little because I was all alone, there was no one to share this great night with. But then I cheered up, that's a small thing to kill the mood over. I went out and sat on the swings, climbed on the monkey bars, and jogged a little. Then went to sleep ever so peacefully.

When I awoke, I made a pot of steaming cocoa. Read Frank O'Hara's Ave Maria and Edna St. Vincent Millay's What Lips My Lips Have Kissed, And Where, And Why. Reread Prufrock, and Ginsburg's America. Then swam a few laps, came in and made breakfast. I found nothing on the telly, so I went for a walk. Made popcorn and watched another movie. Got out the basket ball and shot some hoops. Took a long bath, so relaxing I half fell asleep in the tub.

The only thing missing was the people, but to paraphrase Sartre, people are hell anyway. I got back to the city just in time to be fashionably late to the ball. Okay, well more late than was fashionable to be honest. But I heard they ran out of food early on and had to order more. The organizer called the caterer frantic, "Send me anything you've got, we're on empty here!" So I must have gotten there right after the food was replenished, which was cool because I hadn't eaten much all day. I made the rounds of hellos and how are yous and good to see yous and congratulationses and thanks yous and then dug in.

Confessions Blog Link

2009-06-08T16:11:00.003-04:00

Great series of posts from a former NYC go-go boy describes how
dancing almost destroyed his life - and how much he still misses it.

So true. It's such a rush. So much fun. But it becomes an addiction and
like any addiction pulls you deeper into its own world, and out of the
real one. He talks about needing more and more and the fear of losing
his fix. I'm not ready to write my own confession yet ;) but I
identify with what he writes, and am thankful I never fell in that deep, though it beckons temptingly.

President Obama says Bigotry in Military OK

2009-06-08T12:26:00.001-04:00

"They're only soldiers, what can we expect from them? These are the low-lifes of society, the white trash. We can't expect enlightened behavior from this low class of people. The macho fools who join the army can't be expected to respect homosexuals as equals, so we shouldn't bother asking them to."

Perhaps this is how the Obama administration feels about the military. Is this why he insists "don't ask don't tell" can't be overturned? Has he forgotten Brown v. Board of Education - where it was decided that stereotypes can be overcome only through interaction with the other group? (Supreme Court grants an Obama administration request to maintain "don't ask, don't tell")

Another Weekend Passed

2009-06-08T11:05:00.004-04:00

Went out the other night. Boring time overall, but one guy I keep thinking about. A go-go boy I've met several times before. Once he even gave me his number (or a number, anyway - he never responded when I tried it - so in response to anonymous and Sven - whether it's all the gays or just the ones I meet, I guess it is fairly common.) and called me "mi amor" (yeah, he's latin). He's so beautiful! and the way he felt me up ahhhh! Yeah, it's usually the other way around with go-gos - patrons feeling them up, so I have hope he's interested. LOL.

Over the weekend, stopped at the highly promoted party that nobody went to because it's in the wrong neighborhood. Just used the bathroom, then left. Brief stop at another one that nobody went to because it's in a place with the wrong reputation. Left right quick that as well. Then went to the place where my friends were going for a friend's birthday. That place is usually way too crowded, but was actually fun this time. Not as terribly packed as it has been, and I knew a bunch of people. Then left to meet LA boy uptown. We were going to talk, and we did, but it didn't stop at talking. Which is fine. Whatever.

Now it's back to work. Wondering how/if I'm going to find the one who's going to make me happy.

Oh for those who are wondering about the May Challenge. It went great! Very inspiring. I feel like I'm in the best shape I was all year.

Thank You Ms. Stavisky For Your Support

2009-06-05T04:56:00.004-04:00

Write your Senator today!

I'm Liking:

2009-06-03T12:08:00.002-04:00

Blueberries
Watching the sun set over the lake
Growing bank accounts
Interacting with friends (or, what passes for friends in my lonely world :)
Being active, exercising

Anyway, so in texts-from-last-night, the guy who last week said he wanted to ride me hard and fast and see if I could last until I make him cum decided, after several days of non-responding to messages, that he doesn't want to lead me on and just wants to be friends. Ah, relationships. So difficult to understand!

LA guy's coming back this week.

I keep thinking about taking a vacation, but there seems to be no point if I have no one to go with.

Well yeah, so that was Memorial Day

2009-05-26T20:21:00.001-04:00

Memorial Day Weekend. Thursday night went over to a friend to watch a
movie and enjoy each other's company :) Friday drove back to New York
via Brooklyn, where my brother and I spent several hours shopping for
glasses, ties, pants, trinkets, and whatnot.

When you shop for eyeglasses, usually the salesperson (tell me if
you've had the same experience) will ask you a few questions, show you
some frames, you pick something out - and then you get The Spiel: OK
those frames are $___. I can show you something a little cheaper
(picks up something horrible), but I think those (points to the ones
you picked out) look really good on you. That's what they're buying
these days. And I can give you 15% off that price. You'll want to go
with a scratch-resistant coating for just $45 extra, but I can do it
for you for $25. And we'll put on the special new glare-free coating,
you're lenses will look much nicer and you won't notice a glare, it's
only $65 more. And with your prescription, I can offer you a higher
index lens, it will be much thinner and lighter, if you want that, for
an extra $100.

Then we came to this little hole in the wall shop, and the prices are
really as marked! Pick something out, and the storekeeper says here's
the price. I can deliver it next Tuesday. And we can't believe it.
"But next door they wanted $650?! How could you sell it for $225?" "I
want to see what they were selling for $650. It doesn't make sense."

"Ok, great. So can you give me the scratch-resistant?"
"Let me find out. [makes phone call] Yup, they're scratch resistant.
It's included."
"And do I want the glare coating?"
"Also included."
"But they told me they had a new super duper glare coating that's
baked, not fried. You give me that?"
[Makes another phone call] "Okay, so there are 2 brands of glare
coating they use. They're both the same except they charge $100 more
for the other one. I'm giving you the same thing I have in my own
glasses [points to own gorgeous glasses]."

And you know what? The 5 stores that tried to earn an extra few bucks
lost the sale altogether and got nothing. But I assume they're doing
alright. 300% markups can make up for a lot of missed opportunities.

Anyway, so Saturday night house party in Manhattan Beach, Sunday gym,
spa with C, and then to a club. Monday, slept, read, walked through
the park with barbecues and then came home and ate pizza.

Rant About Google

2009-05-18T13:48:00.001-04:00

I usually like Google's new features, but this latest design change is an exception. Google says it wants its new features to feel like they were there all along. They believe this will make the feature more comfortable to use, but in fact the opposite is true. It generates this eerie feeling of something being not right. Humans are optimized to adapt to change while preserving a sense of history. When things just appear and pretend they were always there, it's unnerving. But more importantly, the new "search options" feature is just plain bad. It's unhelpful because it makes you push more buttons to do what you want to do, whereas before it was better at predicting which option you might want. And that Wonder Wheel: It's a wonder Google would release anything so absurd and useless.

Not too late to kick-start your health and reach for your fitness goals

2009-05-14T14:25:00.002-04:00

Omg been ich mechaven gevuren ([Expletive] my god I co-conceived of the idea? Some things just don't translate well.) The President's Council is running a similar program to my Every Day in May Challenge.

"The National President's Challenge is a nationwide call to action for a healthier America. It's fun and it's free! All you have to do is be active five days a week for six out of eight weeks, and log your activity." (link) So get involved!

Challenge Days 7-11

2009-05-12T10:15:00.001-04:00

I'm happy to report that we're on track. Been logging 2 to 4 miles a day and some weights, which is a good start, good foundation to build on. Details to come. Maybe.

Challenge: Day 7

2009-05-07T10:18:00.002-04:00

So I had to work late yesterday, and didn't have time for the gym. But Every Day in May doesn't stop just because I missed one day. Here's hoping today's workout will be even better because of yesterday's rest!